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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aaaargh! Stupid baby gender bollocks comments

87 replies

hohumplumbum · 18/03/2012 21:05

I want to lamp my MIL and SILs around their heads on their constant: 'we'd love a girl, hope it's a girl, we have too many boys in this family, oooh I want a girl' endless.fucking.chatter.

(This is my first baby and I don't give a shiny shit what gender the baby is)

They have said this every time I have seen them in the last three bastard months. I am not finding out the sex before birth.

AIBU to want to lamp them/scream in their faces to STFU/run away/all of the above?

OP posts:

Snowboarder · 18/03/2012 22:39

I think my family are actually starting to give me gender disappointment that I never felt before. I have one gorgeous DS, another on the way and ALL I get is 'shame it's not a girl.' When we found out that we were having a second DS I was genuinely happy - told my dad and got 'are you just telling me it's a boy so I don't go WAY over the top when I find out it's actually a girl?' my response 'nope, I'm telling you it's a boy because it has testicles and a penis.' GPs have 4 grandsons now and no granddaughters, but really - I shouldn't feel responsible for that should I?

Feeling sad that no one seems excited about my squirmy no-doubt lovely new DS when if he was a girl everyone would be thrilled

Popoozle · 18/03/2012 22:42

YANBU. When I found out that DS1 was a boy my mum said "aww, don't worry, you'll have a girl next time".

MogTheForgetfulCat · 18/03/2012 22:48

Surely if your stupid baby has bollocks it's a boy?

- seriously, though, I vote for smile and nod. While wishing all manner of small irritants on them. Because it is really annoying. I have 3 DSs and have been openly pitied for this . If I didn't just smile and nod, I would probably have exploded with irritation by now.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 18/03/2012 22:48

I am so to hear all the negative things people have said to you all after finding out it's a boy.

ballstoit · 18/03/2012 22:56

YANBU.

May I suggest one of the following lines...

'Dh is feeling very depressed as it's becoming clear that nobody in his family wanted a son and he must have really disappointed you all when he arrived'

'I don't know why you're bothered anyway as you'll only be seeing it on photos or videos you pair of loons'

'We have decided to take part in a nature v. nurture study so will be dressing the child in 'boys' clothing regardless of the sex, and not informing anybody of the child's real gender'

Or just stick with STFU, I find it generally stuns people into silence for long enough to allow me to make an escape.

ProcessYellowC · 18/03/2012 22:57

I sooo don't get why people are pitied for having babies of the same gender as their older siblings. It means you don't have to buy more clothes right ?

MaMattoo · 18/03/2012 22:59

On a slightly different note...I struggle to find non car/tank/builder/fire truck type clothes for poor DS. Found a hot pink tshirt - and got strange looks from nursery key worker for putting him into it. It did not help that I was going through won't-cut-baby-hair angst and so he had a wee clip to hold his mad curly hair back from his eyes. So???
Gender based comments piss off the feminist in me. Now that's a lopsided statement. The number of 'oh he is such a boy' remarks I receive makes me enough to retort with a 'you wouldn't want him to marry your daughter though'
What's annoying is that it seems to be acceptable as inane PC around here.
Bah!! and gah!!

Jenstar21 · 18/03/2012 23:03

We have a weirdness in DPs family where he was the only boy in his generation (7 girls - sisters and cousins) and when I was pregnant, they thought I'd have another golden boy, but had DD. We're very happy with her, but his mum keeps wishing we'd have another to 'get' a boy. I snapped and said we could send her back and pretend we didn't have a child as she was such a disappointment. She shut up after that. I know it's hard, but you have to ignore, and remember you are going to love whatever gender of baby you have. :)

Steffi90 · 18/03/2012 23:05

I know how you mean. Some people can't have children so when you are having a baby you should be greatful for having it alive and well no matter what it's gender. But people will be people and they will always speculate, guess and want things that aren't reasonable. Just tell them you'll be happy with either and then be done with it.

MogTheForgetfulCat · 18/03/2012 23:06

Also, if your SILs want a girl so much, tell them to eff off and try for one of their own .

whackamole · 18/03/2012 23:16

YANBU, it is a bit annoying granted.

I don't get why so many people get so wound up by this though. And I have 3 boys and a DSS so am constantly getting the 'will you try for a girl next?' comments.

MsF1t · 19/03/2012 07:52

fullofregrets - I think you have just described my daughter perfectly. And she's built like a wee tank. So not the cliche of the delicate little girl..!

iloveberries · 19/03/2012 07:57

Like mogs idea of telling one of the SiLs to 'get' a girl.

Sorry to all those getting gender crap on their unborn child. Glad you're all excited no matter what!
Good luck

diddl · 19/03/2012 07:58

What is it about people who think that what they want re someone else´s baby is more important than the pregnant person?

After I had my PFB-a son as it happens, I found out that my mum had told my husband that she was desperate for a GS as she already had a GD.

It actually soured how I felt towards her for a while as she cooed over him & I wondered if she would have been the same if I had had a daughter.

Tw1gl3t · 19/03/2012 08:00

Just tell them it's a boy. ASAP. That'll shut them up.

pinkandsparklytoo · 19/03/2012 08:02

When I was pregnant with DS2 my MIL said to me "let's hope it's a boy again this time so that we're not disappointed"

toddlerama · 19/03/2012 08:15

My MIL went on and on about wanting a grandson. It really pissed me off - I have two wonderful DDs so why would she be so anti a third? When we found out we were having a DS I actually had to deal with my own sadness because I didn't want her obvious preference to affect my daughters. I'm still dreading all the 'my boy' shit she's going to spout. I don't why it bothers me so much but it really feels like massively overstepping the line to express gender preference on someone else's pregnancy.

TheCountessOlenska · 19/03/2012 08:15

fullofregret - just had to comment that my DD sounds like your DS - she absolutely loves cars, buses, trains, trucks and these were her first words! On the other hand she loves her dollies and dressing up (as do many little boys I'm sure!)

diddl · 19/03/2012 08:18

"but it really feels like massively overstepping the line to express gender preference on someone else's pregnancy."

Yes-that´s exactly it, isn´t it?

They´ve had their children & now you are having yours-for you-not them!!

rainbow2000 · 19/03/2012 08:23

I wanna kill some people ive 5 boys and the amount of stupid comments i get are unreal.
Im delighted with my boys wouldnt change anything.
When i found out i was pregnant teh lkast time i found out the sex.The women doing the scans felt disappointed for me ass it was another boy.
I didnt as i said think of all the noney i saved by having another boy.That shut her up.

MadameChinLegs · 19/03/2012 08:34

When I wa pg, we decided not to find out the gender. We decorated the room neutral and bought lots of neutral / boys clothes as would do for girl or boy. My SIL was convinced we had found out, knew it was a boy and told eveyone except DH's family that it was a boy. When I asked her why, she said "well, look at this room, it's a boys room / you've bought dungarees"

Is it wrong that I was whispering to my bump "be a girl, be a girl"....I think if DD was a boy, I'd have had a really hard time making sure she knew I wasn't lying.

LeggyBlondeNE · 19/03/2012 12:03

toddlerama -

you may quote me on this to your MIL if you like: my Gran favoured her grandsons over her grandaughters and we could all see it. Not only did it sour me against her, but it eventually soured them too. She lost out on a lot of unconditional love from the very boys she wanted to have a close relationship with.

Chilenachica · 19/03/2012 12:48

Turn it around, point out to SIL that you're not stopping her from having a daughter, and with MIL just smile and say SIL is going to try for a girl, as she wants one so much.

I'm lucky in that I have a thicker skin than the average human, so the gender bolloks just made me roll my eyes, but when I was told to avoid giving birth in X month "because we've already got too many birthdays that month" I innocently asked how the MiL expected me to actually avoid an entire month when everyone knows that generally babies arrive when they are ready

Original poster

hohumplumbum · 19/03/2012 13:35

at nothing stopping SILs.

Well there is one thing stopping them. There isn't a sane man within a 1000 mile radius that would go near the pair of them.

I know, I know, I'm a horrible person. dons crash helmet

OP posts:

DizzyKipper · 19/03/2012 13:53

I get how annoying this is. OH's family kept insisting on calling our baby "grandson" even though we hadn't found out the gender and are keeping it a surprise. I know they didn't really mean anything by it and will be excited whatever sex we have, but it is so annoying when they keep on insisting one way or the other.

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