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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aaaargh! Stupid baby gender bollocks comments

87 replies

hohumplumbum · 18/03/2012 21:05

I want to lamp my MIL and SILs around their heads on their constant: 'we'd love a girl, hope it's a girl, we have too many boys in this family, oooh I want a girl' endless.fucking.chatter.

(This is my first baby and I don't give a shiny shit what gender the baby is)

They have said this every time I have seen them in the last three bastard months. I am not finding out the sex before birth.

AIBU to want to lamp them/scream in their faces to STFU/run away/all of the above?

Angry
OP posts:
iloveberries · 18/03/2012 21:34

hohump - you should show them your post.

lump in throat

you'll be a wonderful mum

PacificDogwood · 18/03/2012 21:38

hohum, as mother of 4 boys I have had all sorts of remarks, crowned by some old crone lady offereing her condolences on the arrival of healthy DS4 FFS Shock.

YANBU, of course. Including the theoretical violence Grin (as long as it remains theoretical)

I do think you should try your damnedest to NOT provide them with a girl because the fawning would just be unbearable methinks.

Original poster
hohumplumbum · 18/03/2012 21:39

iloveberries Thanks

OP posts:
abigboydidit · 18/03/2012 21:41

I can completely sympathise! I had the same shite from inlaws when pregnant and started to get very upset by their "where's my pink grandchild" comments. Am sad to say it has made me very anxious about how I would react if I ever did have a girl - as I know they'd be ridiculously excited compared to how they ignore DS

HardCheese · 18/03/2012 21:42

YANBU in the least, OP. I'm expecting my first baby, a boy (due tomorrow, in fact), and my ILs have said the most astonishingly moronic gender-related things throughout. We weren't bothered about the sex either way, didn't tell anyone the gender for ages, because we knew this would happen, and frankly, I'm sorry we did.

And then, after biting my lip for aeons over their preference for a girl for dim 'dressing-up' reasons, and then dealt with endless gendered responses to any mention of anything the baby did or didn't do - as someone else said it was always 'he's a typical lazy boy' if he wasn't moving, or 'oh, he's a little football hooligan' if I mentioned a particularly strong kick. We specifically asked for non-gendered baby clothes as presents, as we both strongly dislike the pink/blue nonsense for newborns, and what did we get?

Wall to wall blue, covered in tractors, cars, trains, and slogans saying 'HERE COMES TROUBLE' and I'M A BOY'. Jesus wept.

Original poster
hohumplumbum · 18/03/2012 21:49

If my child is a girl I am going to dress her like Bob the Builder. Wink

OP posts:
MsF1t · 18/03/2012 21:50

Teething, isn't it?

I think you should pretend it has been born intersex, or just flat out refuse to tell them the gender when it's born. Like that couple who were all over the news last summer?

Call it Leigh or something, and say you've decided to let the child let you know what gender it would like to be, if any, once it can express an opinion on the matter.

Alternatively,I really like the Blackadder idea. :)

MsF1t · 18/03/2012 21:54

(Our daughter is generally dressed in a mix of 'boy' clothes, and black, grey, multicoloured - whatever comes to hand. We are not fans of The Pink Frill. Her paternal grandmother is Not Amused.)

And, this. Wink

fhdl34 · 18/03/2012 21:54

I feel your pain, I had 13 years of my MIL telling me she wanted a grand-daughter as she'd only got grandsons - and we had fertility issues for years. She's a sensitive woman my MIL

LimeLeafLizard · 18/03/2012 21:56

I think it is easy to be over-sensitive about these kind of comments to a pregnant woman. They are just thoughtlessness and much as it is irritating, most of it isn't ill-intended.

This is what I would like to feel.

But in fact it all pissed me off heartily and as we are now TTC #4 and have 3 DSs already, I am bracing myself for a bevy of similar comments and will probably have to be restrained to stop myself thumping whoever spouts them.

YANBU. Good luck with your new baby!

LimeLeafLizard · 18/03/2012 21:57

Grin at MsF1t

aquashiv · 18/03/2012 22:00

You had better get used to it.
I am fed up with hearing that boys are harder work as they are noisier and more boisterous from Mummies of one girl...and one girl to me who previoulsy had one was far harder work.
One girl trumps two boys and a girl is what I said last time.
its all bollox though really my girl is more like a boy one of my boys is more like a girl what ever the feckity feck that means I dont know myself...Confused

FrozenNorthPole · 18/03/2012 22:10

acquashiv - I think it means what I've always suspected and what developmental data overwhelmingly indicate: children's differences as individuals will always vastly outweigh any gender-based differences although society does its damndest to enforce these at every step
NB: I have 2 daughters. MANY people inform me that I must be hoping that unborn DC3 is a son.

fullofregrets · 18/03/2012 22:12

Unfortunately I have found, and continue to find, that people tend to put a negative slant on boys' behaviour. Even when pregnant and my baby was breech midwife said 'oh it's a little boy, being awkward like boys are.' 'Typical man, already won't do what we want him to.'
Perhaps I was oversensitive but it really got on my nerves. All my family (my side and inlaws) wanted me to have a girl too and both sides expressed disappointment at my son.
Poor DS. Just being born made people disappointed.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 18/03/2012 22:13

Stuff them!!! There's no pleasing some people. Huge congrats on your pregnancy and here's to a beautiful dc :)

StewieGriffinsMom · 18/03/2012 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

busyboysmum · 18/03/2012 22:21

Annoys me why you get clothes for boys saying I'm a little Monster and clothes for girls, Gorgeous Little Princess - crapola, both sexes can have their moments.

I just think if I'd have been married to Henry VIII he wouldn't have chopped my head off!!

(3 gorgeous lovely sons in this household)

And yes, this last pregnancy the amount of times I had to smile sweetly as someone commented on how I must really be hoping for a girl this time, as if I really cared.

Marymaryalittlecontrary · 18/03/2012 22:22

I'm always amazed how many people will say things on Facebook. A friend of mine, who already had 2 sons, wrote a post about going for a scan the next day to find out what she was having. She had loads of comments along the lines of "I'm sending pink thoughts your way!" Then when she announced it was a third boy the comments were then such gems as "oh well, never mind." Any baby should be celebrated, no matter the sex!

I'm TTC at the moment and will not be finding out what I'm having if I do get pregnant, and will reply 'I couldn't care less' if anyone asks what I want!

FirstVix · 18/03/2012 22:25

I have a girl, all other children in the family are boys. Luckily I didn't have to put up with any stupid comments (I think they know how I'd react!).

BUT I've decided girls ARE easier in one way - they don't get you in the face when they wee during a nappy change as BOTH my nephews have!!

All else is down to the personality of the individual child.

PuffPants · 18/03/2012 22:28

How strange. Everyone I know wanted a boy, as their first child anyway.

I've always thought boys were considered to be the preferred gender. Have never heard of any of this girls are better stuff.

fullofregrets · 18/03/2012 22:32

See, I do think boys are girls are hardwired differently. There may be boys that have more typical girl traits and vice versa but generally I think they are different.
Not saying one is better than the other they are just different. My DS, at nine months, became obsessed with cars, and indeed all things that moved. Obsessed. We had never bought him toy cars but any pictures in books of cars or cars on tv and he was thrilled. As well, of course, as with actual cars. First word (after mama and dada) was car, followed closely by train, bus and truck.
He has way more energy than my friends' DDs and is less likely to want to draw or do things like play doh. He is more physically able and likely to take more risks (climbs higher, more willing to go on rides at fairgrounds, water slides etc.)
My DS basically fits the boy stereotype in a lot of ways.

LimeLeafLizard · 18/03/2012 22:33

busyboysmum, I have had that thought about Henry VIII too! Not that I'd want to be married to him anyway.

Vix I think you're right, most differences are just due to the personality of the child. I find often people who have one of each are most likely to say 'boys are like this and girls are like that', based on the personality of their own children, but my boys are all very different to each other.

cunexttuesonline · 18/03/2012 22:35

It's interesting isn't it? Boys used to be the preferred gender and now it seems to be girls so that they can be dressed as dollies. In saying that, most men I know say they would like a son, so maybe it's just a mini me thing.

Anyway, who cares what they are packing in their nappies, all babies are scrummy and I am especially fond of baby boys having had one myself. :o

KatieMiddleton · 18/03/2012 22:39

Whenever I have been on the receiving end of the gender bollocks (so to speak Wink) I just smile and say "Well the gender is not really in my control is it?" and if pressed add "because it's the father that's responsible for that".

And if really provoked I will add the words "sperm" and "sexual intercourse" but I haven't had to yet...

ProcessYellowC · 18/03/2012 22:39

I love the use of the phrase "baby gender bollocks". For some reason it fries my mind a bit.

YANBU but this is just the start of people blathering on and on and on about stuff that you don't care about so consider it good training to practice your pleasant face while simultaneously tuning them out and just talking internally to your baby who gives much better conversation...