about this friend?

[CheerfulYank]

So. I have a friend who is very good at painting. I am rubbish at it. She has helped me do a few rooms in the past. As I said, I'm rubbish at painting so don't help her with that, but I have her kids over to play a lot and help out in her bookstore, etc.

Anyway. We made plans to work on a some things in my house a few months ago. I called her a few times the night before to see what time would work the next day and she never called back; I saw over FB that she was out at brunch in another city.

A month ago the friend and her husband came over and helped my husband and I paint a room and fix a few things, and we made plans for the next weekend to finish my kitchen. The next weekend I called to ask what time would work and she said "oh it's not going to work this weekend, how about next Saturday? I said no problem, of course.

The next weekend rolled around and I realized through FB that Saturday was her husband's birthday, so I texted and said of course don't come over, have a good day.

So we made plans for today. She said "my DDs have a dance performance at five, I could come over from 10 to 4 and we could get a lot done." I said that would be wonderful.

Yesterday she and her husband and daughters were going to look at a house they are trying to buy. I went along to check it out and she asked if I could please help keep an eye on her DDs. I said sure and we checked out the house (it's beautiful, btw :)) for a few hours. While we were there I asked her if we were still on for the next day (today). She said "Oooh I don't think so, I'm getting a new tub in the apartment tomorrow."

Sigh. I hate feeling but I really do. I know I shouldn't because she is helping me and is in no way obligated to do it, but it's frustrating to keep making plans and get everything ready and then have them no pan out.

Am I being a twat or am I reasonable in being irritated with her and wanting to not talk to her for a bit?

YABU

She said she'd help for free, she wasn't able to do it so either do it yourself or get a paid professional in.

Sounds to me like she doesn't want to do it any more but doesn't know how to tell you, maybe for fear of upsetting you?

I suggest you pay someone to do and then you'll have some come back if they don't turn up.

YABU - pay someone to do it or learn to do it yourself

I think you need to accept that helping you paint your house does not figure high on your friend's list of priorities. Do you really need her help? I'm pretty crap at painting and decorating (fortunately have a DP who isn't)BUT he got fed up with doing it all and I've managed to paint a couple of rooms in our house. It's not that hard when you get in a rhythm.

Ok. I am willing to accept that I am BU. :)

I can't afford a professional so I will probably have to do it myself. Them's the breaks, though, right?

I don't think it's so much that she doesn't want to, it's more that she's bad with plans. We were supposed to go to the movie the other week. I talked to her about it at 5 pm and the last thing we said to each other was "see you in a couple of hours." The movie started at 7, I texted her at 7:15 to ask where she was and she said "oh...I don't think I'm going to make it."

But that is separate issue and I will accept BU as far as the painting goes. :) Thanks!

Yes pay someone else to get it done. She obviously has far too much going on in her own busy life to give up yet another day helping you decorate.

And BTW what is really so hard about painting? I am not the most practical person in theworld ad on the two occasions DH and I have tried to allpaper we have been utterly defeated. But painting? Honestly that is not so hard to do yourself surely.

Oh yes, larks, I am truly crap. :) She also, the last time she was here, said "don't paint anything without my help, you suck at it!" So I am a bit .

Can't afford it 5, I can barely afford the paint. :)

I don't know what's so hard about it! It just always ends up looking all weird and uneven. But I will press on!

YABU.

She is doing it as a favour which is really good of her, so the time she has available to do it is down to her really. Do you know how much it would cost to pay someone to do your painting and decorating?

More than I've got! :)

It's not so much that she can't do it, I guess, I just wish she would let me know before I clear out my schedule and the room, etc.

I have life envy -I want a friend who has a bookstore I can help out in!

It is fun! :)

I hate feeling so petty. It makes me feel like the next time she asks me to watch her dog or her kids I will want to say no. FFS, am I a ten year old?

Ok. Over it now.

Do you think that she really doesn't want to do it, but doesn't know how to tell you?

yanky what bit of painting do you find hard? I can't use a roller for love or money but a paint pad is great and I can get it done quickly.

No, because she has no problem telling me she can't make it. And I have told her numerous times that I understand if she doesn't want to. And that I can figure it out. And she just says "no it's fine" and tells me not to do it without her as I am so terrible at it.

Some tips

• get an extension pole - it really speeds up the process and makes it easier on your arms.
• find a how to video on youtube or something to show you the best way to do it (my DP showed me and I wouldn't have done a good job without his guidance)
• remember to tape up window/door frames and ceiling edge.

good luck - you can do it and you'll be proud of yourself after

Just get on and do it and when she says 'Oh I thought I was meant to help' you can reply 'Yes but you aren't available and it needed doing now.'

Well that's the thing...I pulled all my painter's tape off the kitchen because she said to. She hates it and said to pull it all off before she came over.

I think maybe if you can pin her down to a couple of hours of a morning to come and actually show you how to paint, then you finish the job off and you will have the skills to do it in future.

What's painters tape?

Valley it's like masking tape, you use it to tape around doors and windows and stuff.

Do you ever help her? If not, she's trying to give you a message that you ask too much of her without giving much, if anything, in return.

YRNBU - She would drive me mad tbh . I hate it when arrangements are changed at the last minute , maybe give her a taste of her own medicine and "forget" that you said you would mind her dd's sometime and see if that helps her realise . Fair enough if she doesn't want to help out but she should just say NO out straight rather than keep changing the plans and letting you down .

Oh right - yes I know the stuff!

I think you need to get confident and crack on with it yourself and IF she comes to help of her own accord then great but if not at least you aren't waiting around for her.

It drives me to distraction when people change plans at the last minute so I know how you feel!

RuleBritannia yes.

I watch her DDs often, and take them to the movies, etc.

I watch her bookstore when she needs me to. I come when she has events and help set up beforehand.