about this friend?

[CheerfulYank]

So. I have a friend who is very good at painting. I am rubbish at it. She has helped me do a few rooms in the past. As I said, I'm rubbish at painting so don't help her with that, but I have her kids over to play a lot and help out in her bookstore, etc.

Anyway. We made plans to work on a some things in my house a few months ago. I called her a few times the night before to see what time would work the next day and she never called back; I saw over FB that she was out at brunch in another city.

A month ago the friend and her husband came over and helped my husband and I paint a room and fix a few things, and we made plans for the next weekend to finish my kitchen. The next weekend I called to ask what time would work and she said "oh it's not going to work this weekend, how about next Saturday? I said no problem, of course.

The next weekend rolled around and I realized through FB that Saturday was her husband's birthday, so I texted and said of course don't come over, have a good day.

So we made plans for today. She said "my DDs have a dance performance at five, I could come over from 10 to 4 and we could get a lot done." I said that would be wonderful.

Yesterday she and her husband and daughters were going to look at a house they are trying to buy. I went along to check it out and she asked if I could please help keep an eye on her DDs. I said sure and we checked out the house (it's beautiful, btw :)) for a few hours. While we were there I asked her if we were still on for the next day (today). She said "Oooh I don't think so, I'm getting a new tub in the apartment tomorrow."

Sigh. I hate feeling but I really do. I know I shouldn't because she is helping me and is in no way obligated to do it, but it's frustrating to keep making plans and get everything ready and then have them no pan out.

Am I being a twat or am I reasonable in being irritated with her and wanting to not talk to her for a bit?

those pad things are better than rollers or paintbrushes, much easier, try one of those if you haven't already

surely you CAN paint it yourself?! It's quite easy with the pads, I'm useless at anything DIY and very slapdash and it turns out ok when I use the pads.

oh and YANBU at being fed up at being let down, if she can't do it, then she should just say so, or like someone said upthread, just show you how to do it and let you get on with it

On a more practical point then, if money is really that tight, do you actually need to paint or would a good wash down with sugar soap brighten up your rooms?

Sugar soap? I don't know what that is but it sounds interesting. :)

It's not that it needs brightening, it's that it's half one color and half another.

Why did you go to see the house? Do you think maybe they just feel smothered by you and what you seem to want/ask for from your friendship?

Because they asked me to, Curious. :)

So you watch her Dc, look after her dog, work for free in her shop, help out at her business events, take the dc on days out, there for moral support (going to view new houses) ...

Also when you are supposed to be going out (mutually enjoyable) she doesnt let you know she wont be there until AFTER shes supposed to be there, no warning, nothing, and not even an excuse!

I think she sounds a bit of a shitty mate and using you tbh!

That is sort of how I feel BabyDubs.

Honestly I am happy to do most of those things (love having her DDs over to play with DS, for example) and she has helped me in the past. So I don't really feel "used" as such, just wish she would let me know beforehand if something isn't going to work, or at the very least, not say "don't you dare pick up another roller without me, you suck at painting" and then not be able to help for a month.

And I don't want to get into a tit-for-tat kind of thing about "I helped you do X, you must help me do Y." Friends just help friends when they can, right? I think I'm just feeling a bit let down.

Yes I agree that friends should help each other out as and when, and a friend that gets an awful lot of help should certainly be willing to put up a paintbrush in return and stick to plans made!

The way she doesnt even seemingly feel a need to excuse herself when letting you down is telling imo, and again with the way she 'puts things', you being useless at painting for instance...

At best she sounds thoughtless, which isnt a great quality, you sound very nice and considerate, lovely quality's which can be taken advantage of sometimes.

That's not on to say at 5 that she will be at the cinema by 7 if she knows she most likely has no intention to won't make it.

Either she's unorganised or isn't telling you something to your face. Either way it's not fair on you.

Oh, painting a wall is the SIMPLEST DIY job there is. I've painted my whole house by myself. Do it by room, put on some music, get a cup of coffee and a brush in your hand . Simpler than waiting for people who don't follow through on their "promises" and the resulting frustration....(I've been there).

She's complained before about other friends being angry with her when she's "gotten busy" and can't hang out with them when she said she would, so I think she may just be a habitual plan dropper. At least it's not just me! :)