Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To discuss gay marriage with my 5 year old?

46 replies

mrsshears · 17/03/2012 21:07

Really interested to hear your thoughts on this subject.
My dd is a bright questioning child and this is a subject that she recently asked me about in the form of "can 2 men get married?" (not sure where this came from but i think it is perhaps something she had seen on tv or heard,she often asks in depth/difficult questions).
I explained that yes they can as can 2 women but some people don't believe that they should be able to but that its really up to the people involved and noone else.
I have recieved some raised eyebrows from friends and family about this,my thoughts are that they can get married so why lie? i also want my dd to grow up to be aware of diversity and accepting of differences,what do you think was ibu?

OP posts:
CalamityKate · 17/03/2012 21:08

YANBU.

She asked. You told her. What's the problem?

I'd have done the same, except maybe I'd have left out the bit about some people disapproving.

RhinosDontEatPancakes · 17/03/2012 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BupcakesandCunting · 17/03/2012 21:08

YANBU at all.

mrspnut · 17/03/2012 21:09

My 5 year old has asked this on occasions, I always reply that a man can marry a man and a lady can marry a lady and people can live together without getting married if they want to.
Sometimes we want to do things and sometimes we don't want to do things, a bit like you eating vegetables. Dd2 identifies with this.

Aribura · 17/03/2012 21:10

Well...they can't actually get married in the UK yet.

But apart from that idk why it would be unacceptable since gay people = fact of life whether you agree wih it or not.

cheekybarsteward · 17/03/2012 21:11

This is no different really is it to when they ask you if they can marry Daddy?

Chrysanthemum5 · 17/03/2012 21:11

DD is 4 and there is a lot of discussion in her pre-school about getting married. She was chatting about it and she said 'Mummy a boy can marry another boy can't he?' I said yes si then she said 'and a girl can marry a girl'. Again I said yes and I left it at that. She doesn't need to know that some people disapprove.

Nanny0gg · 17/03/2012 21:11

She might have been a bit young for you to start explaining why some people have a problem with it, but the fact that gay marriage happens was perfectly okay to acknowledge.

alorsmum · 17/03/2012 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goawaybob · 17/03/2012 21:12

A simple yes would have been enough i think, im not sure why you felt you needed to say that some people have a problem with it.

SydSaid · 17/03/2012 21:16

Aribura, I think that 5 yrs is just a little too young to be trying to explain the difference between marriage and civil partnership, don't you?

YANBU. I think 5 year olds are more open than many 50 year olds. Best to tell them it's fine now than make it something you can't talk about.

HumphreyCobbler · 17/03/2012 21:17

I discussed this in class the other day, with a group of five year old children.

Meglet · 17/03/2012 21:17

yanbu.

Original poster
mrsshears · 17/03/2012 21:20

I told her the part about some people not believing because dh family are practicing catholics and i know they don't agree this should be the case. some friends think dd is too young to be having this type of conversation which frankly i'm really Confused by.

OP posts:
lazylula · 17/03/2012 21:20

I think it is a very normal question for a five year old to ask, my ds1 has asked it a few times and I have always replied yes they can.

BluddyMoFo · 17/03/2012 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whatevertheweather · 17/03/2012 21:23

YANBU hopefully it will raise a generation of more tolerant and well rounded children if it is explained simply and openly.

My dsis is gay and had a beautiful civil ceremony with her partner. Both wore gorgeous wedding dresses and myself and my then 3 yo dd were bridesmaids. A while later she was in pre school and said 'I'm going to marry Ruth (let's say) as I want to have her surname' her keyworker said 'you can't get married you're both girls' quick as a flash dd gave her a withering look and said 'yes they can auntie x and auntie y are married I was their bridesmaid' Grin

hmc · 17/03/2012 21:25

Yanbu - did exactly the same as you when my children asked at a similar age

KadyPip · 17/03/2012 21:31

I discussed this when my children asked me last year - when they were 3 yo. I didn't add the bit about disapproval if it though.

I'm a practising Christain btw. I have family members who I suspect might not approve but that's their issue. I will do my level best to bring my children up without prejudice. we're their parents so we get to decide what to teach them.

I try to answer every question my children ask in the most straightforward way I can. Recently we've covered funeral rites in different cultures, heaven and hell and sewerage systems. I do my best

EverybodysSnowyEyed · 17/03/2012 21:32

DS (5) accepts this. I told him that when you're an adult you marry the person you like best in the world. He wanted to marry me. Then he wanted to marry his sister so I had to explain that you can't marry family. he finds that most unfair!

At his age I think kids model their future relationships on what they see within the home. And then the hormones hit....

fridakahlo · 17/03/2012 21:34

DD is six and we frequently have discussions about whether she is going to marry a girl or a boy when she grows up, she seems to be leaning towards a boy at this point.

NowThenWreck · 17/03/2012 21:37

My son (5) wanted to marry me, but I told him he couldn't (or Grandma) so he decided he would marry his best (boy) friend.
I said-fine, you can do that.
YANBU

BelladonnaValentina · 17/03/2012 21:39

YNBU. like someone said, she asked, you answered. No big deal.

This reminds me of a pic I saw on FB lately.

i1268.photobucket.com/albums/jj573/Lady--Lucifer/gay.jpg

Goolash · 17/03/2012 21:56

Yanbu sounds like the kind of questions they ask at that age. It's been all over the news ATM

I'm not sure about adding the bit about how some disagree, unless she asked, it seems like unnecessary info.

Why are your friends and family raising eyebrows? Why do they know about these everyday conversations?

slowestwildebeast · 18/03/2012 00:49

I remember a conversation with my dad at a very young age along these lines, my mums friend was coming over and he had a boyfriend. Dad in his usual bravado, blunt/I'll tell it how it is/I'll explain this very factually came and spoke to me about it.

I remember him telling me that he was coming round to visit, and that he was bringing his friend.... but it wasn't just his friend.... they were more than friends ....
I was a little perplexed as to why he was telling me all this seemingly pointless information.... he said it was like when a man and a woman are together, and I asked "is his friend of his like you and mum but another boy?"

Dad's open conversation about it although a little confusing, was well received, and to be fair, I couldn't have cared less at that age, it did me no harm and it was factual without getting into the heavy ideas around whether people agree or disagree. I think it's important to answer questions like these.