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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think the ex should sort his own mother out for mothers day

45 replies

workshy · 17/03/2012 20:43

in his family the grandchildren get their grand mother something for Mothers day -not something we have ever done in my family

he has text me tonight asking what I have done for his mother off the DCs?

why the frig should I be buying his mother something for mothers day -surely he should have arranged something?

I have grudingly agreed to get some flowers and take them and the dcs over tomorrow but it will have to be a rushed visit because we have plans suprisingly, it is mothers day after all

argh -he can bloody well pay me back though!

OP posts:

troisgarcons · 17/03/2012 20:45

Tell him the clue is in Mothers Day not Grandmothers - everyone should sort thier own mother out. That includes current partners.

SydSaid · 17/03/2012 20:46

Oh my word.

Ridiculous. He can get something for his mother from his DCs.

Why have you agreed? Why can't he get something and take the kids over? And why do they have to get her anything anyway - it's mothers day, not grandparents day!

TidyDancer · 17/03/2012 20:46

Bloody hell. Wtf are you doing pandering to this man?!

It is his business to sort this out if he wants the DCs to get his mother something. I'd be saying the same thing if you were together!

JustHecate · 17/03/2012 20:47

You did WHAT?

I can't believe you did that.

she's not your mother
it's MOTHER'S day, not grandmother's day

I just, I Gah. I can't believe you did that. Why didn't you just say she's not MY mother, and it's your job. Get on with it.

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 17/03/2012 20:48

YANBU

But if you keep fixing things for him he will expect you to do it every time. Make him pick the kids up early for a flying visit and they can make her a card and you can have a bit of peace and quiet

Original poster

workshy · 17/03/2012 20:48

I pander to him because he is a nasty horrible bully and saying no will spark weeks of nastiness so it's easier to smile sweetly and agree but I'm seething

he hasn't bought MY mum anything!

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 17/03/2012 20:50

I'm almost laughing at his sheer cheek!

But you shouldn't have agreed to go along with what he told you to do for him really.

Does he regularly guilt you into doing things he should be responsible for?

How old are your DC?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 17/03/2012 20:52

Is he helping your dc do something for you do you know?

hermioneweasley · 17/03/2012 20:53

Why have you agreed to go round to his mother with flowers? You teach people how to treat you!

surroundedbyblondes · 17/03/2012 20:53

Pleased for you that he's your ex OP

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 17/03/2012 20:54

But the more you pander to him the more it'll happen, it might be hard at first but once he realises you no longer dance to his tune he'll stop making stupid requests

I don't know how old your dc's are but are you really happy to do whatever he says to keep him happy for all of their childhood? Bully's only do what they can get away with doing, and people can only treat you how you let them

Be polite but firm and distant and write cunt on the roof of your mouth with your tongue whilst you do so

Original poster

workshy · 17/03/2012 20:54

they are 8&10 so not old enough to take themselves of to the shop and sort something out -I won't be getting anything tomorrow!

and yes he regularly guilt me into doing things, he's also very good at manipulating his family's perception of me -I'm horrible apparently

OP posts:

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 17/03/2012 20:57

Who cares what his family think of you? I bet your family aren't his biggest fans either

thekidsrule · 17/03/2012 20:59

agree with others lazy sod,but your mad for agreeing to it

hope he gets something nice for you from your kids tomorrow

JustHecate · 17/03/2012 21:00

are you afraid of him?

QuintessentialyHollow · 17/03/2012 21:02

You are a muppet for pandering to him. Sorry.

Original poster

workshy · 17/03/2012 21:05

are you afraid of him?
erm yes

You are a muppet for pandering to him
I know I am but...... see answer to above question

OP posts:

JustHecate · 17/03/2012 21:07

oh, you poor thing, I wondered if that might be it.

Do you think he would hurt you?

Has he hurt you before?

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 17/03/2012 21:07

If you are afraid of him it's all the more reason to have no contact with him other than strictly about the children (maybe by email or text with phonecalls for emergencys?)

I'm sorry I know it's so difficult, but your not with him now, please don't let him continue to cast a shadow over your life, you deserve to be free of him

maras2 · 17/03/2012 21:08

Quint.That was a bit unkind.Name calling won't help OP,who sounds in need of help.(or the address of a hitman)

QuintessentialyHollow · 17/03/2012 21:09

But what can he actually do if you dont bring the kids on mothers day, to see their gran, because you have plans?

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 17/03/2012 21:09

and I don't know if this will make you feel better or not, but ime it gets so much easier as the children get older and there is less to deal with and no 'handing over' to do. I see my ex once a year at parents evening and my children are old enough to sort out visiting him without me getting involved

QuintessentialyHollow · 17/03/2012 21:09

Muppet is a kind sort of name isn't it? Like oh you silly billy. But if I am incorrect, then I apologize.

Original poster

workshy · 17/03/2012 21:10

not in a beating up kind of way but yes

if he falls out with me he takes it out on DC1, again not physically but.....

it's really not worth the fight over a bunch of flowers and I know he takes the piss out of me but I have learnt to pick my battles and this isn't one I need to have, but it does still rile me

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 17/03/2012 21:11

sweetheart, you know you need to detach detach detach and stand up to him

or you will still be dancing to his tune years from now

you really shouldn't have given in, yet again

make this the last time you roll over for him

if he gets nasty or abusive, keep a record of what he does (texts etc) and if he turns up at your house threatening you, call the police

he has no right to control you in this way

time to get tough, and call his bluff

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