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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to rip her head off?!

37 replies

finnbarr · 17/03/2012 11:44

Apologies if this is a bit long...
So dsd is staying with us this weekend. She'd asked if she can have a friend over - no problem we say. So she invites said friend.
Friends mum says no because she hasn't met either me or DH. Fine, understandable. So I offer to meet up. Then dsd's friend says that the real reason is because her mum thinks DH is an alcoholic!!!!!!!!!! Completely unfounded btw and cannot believe this woman who has never met my DH!!!
Take the point that dsd's friend maybe shoul not have said anything but Aibu to want to go round, meet her and then tear a strip off her??!!!!

OP posts:
hopkin · 17/03/2012 11:47

Where did she get the idea that he was an alcoholic?

And yes you are being massively unreasonable - you sound unhinged and very frightening.

NotaDisneyMum · 17/03/2012 11:47

Let me guess? DSD mum has been 'sharing' that particular gem if gossip?

We've been there too Sad woman scorned, and all that - but at the end of the day, it's the DCs who suffer Sad

rainbowinthesky · 17/03/2012 11:49

Blimey. I agree with hopkin. You do sound a bit unhinged.

Dustinthewind · 17/03/2012 11:49

YABU, you need to find out why she has this misconception. Perhaps it is something dsd has said? Try and rip her head off and she'll have another, this time well-founded reason for making her dd avoid any contact at all.
She sounds like a responsible parent, not wanting her dd to stay over with an alcoholic she doesn't know. You sound aggressive and scary.

SydSaid · 17/03/2012 11:49

YABU. The information has come from somewhere, and I'm guessing dsd spends more time with her mum?

I would be asking her if she knows anything about it. You say it's completely unfounded, but no-one comes up with an idea like that from nowhere.

And to be honest, going round there and 'tearing a strip off her' really won't make her change her mind on the issue - but will guarantee that dsd's friend never gets to visit yours.

Anniegetyourgun · 17/03/2012 11:50

YABU. One should always check out misunderstandings before getting upset. If she doesn't even know either of you it's most unlikely this woman has had the opportunity to form such an opinion. Perfectly possible the friend heard her mum say something like "for all we know he could be..." and misreported it. Or maybe DSD has told her friend stuff that has been misinterpreted, in which case it's a matter of a firm word with DSD rather than ripping a stranger's head off.

Now the woman's going to find out that her DD's friend's father is not an alcoholic after all, but her mother is a homicidal maniac.

NotaDisneyMum · 17/03/2012 11:51

I assumed the OP was asking if she was BU to want to - not that she would actually do it Wink

squeakytoy · 17/03/2012 11:52

how old are the girls in question here?

NotaDisneyMum · 17/03/2012 11:52

Oh, and if be pissed if someone thought that too - doesn't mean I'd do anything other than rant on MN though Wink

hopkin · 17/03/2012 11:52

NotaDisneyMum - I still think she's BU. It just seems like a bizarre overreaction to me.

Original poster
finnbarr · 17/03/2012 11:53

I challenged ex wife about it last night- in a nice way, just said we were having issues with friends mum because she of what she thinks and ex wife doesn't talk to the person in question or anyone that has anything to do with her! In fact we're not the only family that she has formed opinions of which are based on nothing!
I wouldn't literally year a strip off her - I'm not unhinged just want to defend my family and take great offence when someone forms an ill informed opinion!!

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 17/03/2012 11:54

So, you want to "rip her head off" rather than send your DH round to sort out any misunderstanding?

NotaDisneyMum · 17/03/2012 11:54

How would you feel if your DC missed out because someone had believed gossip about you? Sad

Dustinthewind · 17/03/2012 11:54

She's being unreasonable to want the contact to be instantly confrontational rather than asking what the problem is and working out a solution.
That's what I'd expect of a responsible adult, not some catfight 'Call my man an alkie you bitch? I'll 'ave you you caaah' docudrama.

NotaDisneyMum · 17/03/2012 11:56

Sorry x-post!

Well, if the mum is prone to drawing conclusions like this about other families, then no-one will believe her and her DC will find herself friendless pretty soon Sad

SoupDragon · 17/03/2012 11:57
  1. I would not trust 100% what a child had told me
  2. I would speak to the parent and sort it out
  3. I would find it rather amusing if it weren't true
Original poster
finnbarr · 17/03/2012 12:00

And I'm not going to...obviously...
DCs in question are 14.
In fact I rang her and very politely asked if friend could come over and what the issue was when she said no. She was so rude to me on the phone and I was very calm and explained that my DH doesn't have any issue with alcohol, and I didn't think it was fair she formed that opinion when she had never met my hubby. But she shouted at me telling me that I had been duped and was a stupid woman for defending him ?!!
I just wanted a rant really!!!!

OP posts:
fallenpetal · 17/03/2012 12:00

Im glad you sopke to dsd mum rather than just accuse her of stirring - I get that all the time yet speak to no one who knows my ex or her partner with the exception of 2 family members. others like to speak to me and try and put words in my mouth though Confused

I wouldnt bother to worry about it tbh, getting yourself worked up about someone so inconsequential to your life is not worth it. I often see people in your situation as well as mine having to defend themselves against pointless gossip to no avail. Let her think what she wants to think, its probably just an excuse to gossip or her way of controlling dd and everyone else.

Let it go, she isnt worth the bother

squeakytoy · 17/03/2012 12:04

What is she basing her opinion on then?

Original poster
finnbarr · 17/03/2012 12:10

I don't know squeaky... I asked the woman (politely) where she had heard this, so that I could go to the source and stop it but she ranted that I had no business in asking her and she wasn't going to divulge her sources !!!???!!!
And, just to clarify, I am not going to go over and docu-drama style actually go and tear her a new one...just wanted to rant!!!!

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 17/03/2012 12:10

She sounds lovely Hmm - and a bit odd!!

I doubt there is much you can do though - but I'd be fuming too if someone was spreading malicious rumours like that!
I'd also have been inclined to tell her (very calmly and politely) she was commiting slander/defamation of character which is an offence.

NotaDisneyMum · 17/03/2012 12:10

Oo-er, sounds like it's the other mum, not the OP, whose unhinged!

Salmotrutta · 17/03/2012 12:13

I actually know someone who did warn off a malicious rumour merchant by threatening legal action.
Some may say it was an over-reaction but it certainly shut them up.

Angelico · 17/03/2012 12:15

finnbarr I was completely amazed at some of the first responses you got - I assumed you were venting / ranting not actually threatening to tear a strip off someone!!! Hmm

This woman sounds like a lunatic and I feel sorry for her daughter, assuming your DH does not in fact have a problem with alcohol. Unfortunate for your DSD but maybe she can have another friend over, one with a sane parent(s)

Angelico · 17/03/2012 12:15

And as others have said maybe the defamation threat isn't a bad idea.

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