Sometimes a residential home is the only place that a loved one can get the specific care they NEED. It was a heartbreaking decision to put our Granny in a home, but we didn't have the training, skills or qualifications or experience to give her the care she required to have decent and fulfilling twilight years.
We didn't dump her. We didn't think "well no need to visit now" we never turned our backs. We got her the care she desperately needed that we simply couldn't provide.
My MIL was a different matter. She needed much more specialised help than she got, her suffering was tenfold because of the attitude of my inlaws. They 'refused' to get her into a hospice, refused because, and only because of the fact that they "were family and they should do it". They lacked the skills, knowledge and time to dedicate to her in her last few months. They assumed FIL's love alone could make her comfortable, but love isn't always enough.
If a family have the time, skills and means to care for their own then BRILLIANT, I agree there are too many people who don't much care about the elderly (there are a lot of elderly people that have no one though). There is no right or wrong way. There are good homes, and bad homes. There are good families and bad families.
I have seen families who don't believe in residential homes sitting Granny in a corner and ignoring her, so she becomes part of the furniture, nothing more. You simply cannot tell me that is better than a residential home? Such sweeping assumptions are ignorant and wrong.
I DO agree that the care and respect for the elderly in this country is shockingly bad, whether its via government cuts and 'uncare', to the general public... areas where I think the elderly still have respect and love is within the majority of the people who work in the care industry and within families who are screwed over constantly and left without help.