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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Did I really have to spell it out?!

68 replies

BobbysBeardOfWonder · 16/03/2012 21:22

Ok to set the scene: I'm away this week with DD while our house gets renovated. Back Sunday evening.

I sent DH a text 2 days ago: 'please get DSiL (DBro's wife) a birthday card, it's her birthday on Sunday'.

Checked with DH today: yes he got a card. But hasn't sent it. Was he meant to?
Is it me being tired & 7 months pg or did I really not have to spell it out to him to write inside the card, address it, stick a stamp on & put it in the post box?

Sigh.

Yes I normally sort out all my side's cards etc but asked DH to do it just this once. And yes I know there are bigger things to worry about

OP posts:

Trills · 16/03/2012 21:45

If someone had said "please get X a card" I would have asked if they wanted it sent or if they wanted me to keep is so they could sign it and give it to X a bit later.

I don't see "getting" a card as being unambiguously meaning to get and write and send.

I am female, if that makes a difference to you.

Original poster

BobbysBeardOfWonder · 16/03/2012 21:46

Hecate. Maybe phoning is the easiest thing to do

OP posts:

abbierhodes · 16/03/2012 21:46

Can we have a link for your statistic aunt lucy?

ExitPursuedByABear · 16/03/2012 21:48

Original poster

BobbysBeardOfWonder · 16/03/2012 21:48

abrakebabra did you read my post about being more tired and than normal? That's down to being pg. Thats why I'm posting. To see if IABU

OP posts:

gemma4d · 16/03/2012 21:50

I used to do husband's families' cards. Until I was pregnant with DD1. I informed him (AND all his family, lol!) that I was letting him do all cards/presents. 4 years on and he still messes it up a few times a year but I refuse to do anything about it other than verbally tell the family member happy birthday etc, you will have to wait for my husband to get you a card! Which sucks but I refuse to start doing it again.

bobbledunk · 16/03/2012 21:50

He did exactly as you asked, next time ask for exactly what you want

abbierhodes · 16/03/2012 21:50

Abrakebabra- the OP's fed up. Being pregnant often leads to enhanced feelings of fedupness. This is due to being tired and uncomfortable and possibly hormonal. Have you ever been pregnant? If so, do you not remember this?

thefurryone · 16/03/2012 21:50

I wouldn't have written and sent the card if you'd just told me to get it, although I might have told you I'd got the card and then acted on further instruction.

abrakebabra · 16/03/2012 21:50

It's you.

AuntLucyInPeru · 16/03/2012 21:51

Sorry - my post wasn't meant 'meanly'. I actually think most men really really don't care about birthdays outside of immediate family. Most women do. As the woman in the relationship, deciding whether to bother with cards etc for the inlaws, is then an actual irritating frequent dilemma for some women, me included.

I tend to go for the, 'drop lots of hints; write relevant birthdays etc in HUGE letters in shared family diary; cave at last minute and send 'multipack card' and recycled present to recipient on the last possible day; then make snide remark to DH about his failure to deal with social reliability. Repeat as infinitum.

Not my finest moment, I admit

thefurryone · 16/03/2012 21:53

Sorry I meant to add that being of the rather grumpy pregnant persuasion myself, I find that DH acts only on explicit instructions having fallen into the 'can't do right for doing wrong' trap once too often

LilBlondePessimist · 16/03/2012 21:54

Ok - first off - the OP asked her DH to get the card.... whether she is able or willing to do so herself is irrelevant - she asked DH, end of! As far as I can see this is not an entirely unreasonable request, she didn't ask him to go trecking in the rainforest and pick a bunch of fucking rare flowers and hand tie them for DSil. Maybe at 7mths pg she has SPD and isn't much able to get out and about, maybe not, but at 7mths pg you are TIRED and sometimes a wee bit of help from your other half is much appreciated.

My family is also my DH's family, therefore birthday, anniversary etc responsibilities are as much his as mine.

Males are every bit as capable of doing these things as females, although a lot of the time, IME, don't see it as their duty therefore can be purposely rubbish so as not to be asked again. Can you imagine the scenario - DH's boss says to him... can you have that proposal done for Friday afternoon, our client is going on annual leave on Saturday so we really need to have it done. DH comes into work Monday morning - boss: Did you get that proposal done? DH: yeah, it's on my desk! How long do you think he would last in his job when he said - you said to finish the proposal - not SEND it!!

Minshu · 16/03/2012 21:54

I asked DP if he'd got the cards and vouchers for his nephew and SIL three days before their birthday, as he had told me he was going to. He said "yes". The day of their birthday, he said "I'd better post these cards". It had never occurred to me that he wouldn't have done that extra step himself...

Today is my father's birthday - his card went just about on time to get there, but I haven't sorted out his present .

So, men and women can both be crap...

AuntLucyInPeru · 16/03/2012 21:54

For 'reliability' insert 'responsibility. Effing iphone.

BigTeuchLittleTeuch · 16/03/2012 21:54

He most definitely forgot to even buy the card, something which is not gender-specific I may add

He just bought himself some time by saying he didn't post it. Even he is sitting thinking to himself "damn, that sounded stoopid!"...

abrakebabra · 16/03/2012 21:54

Yes I have been pregnant abbierhodes, more than once, thanks for asking.

I don't remember starting threads like this though.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 16/03/2012 22:00

I would have asked you if you wanted the card sent, OP. But I know for a fact that my DH would have done exactly what yours did!

My DH acts oon direct instruction only eg last week I had slow cooked a lovely casserole that required some creme fraiche stirred into it 5 mins before serving. Asked DH to add "some creme fraiche", as I would be at work. He added the entire pot of creme fraiche. I accepted blame- I know what he is like. "Some" was not specific enough, as i should have known.

Frustrating, though!

SoozyWoozy · 16/03/2012 22:00

I just relayed the scenario to DH to see what he would've done.

He totally missed me saying "Imagine that I'm away...."

The response was is it her birthday tomorrow then? What? You haven't been away, I'm sure I'd remember that

LilBlondePessimist · 16/03/2012 22:00

abrakebabra Are you being purposely bitchy? What has riled you so much about someone asking their other half to buy a birthday card? What is so unreasonable about being tired and fed up because you are 7 months pregnant and asking for a bit of help from your DH?

Original poster

BobbysBeardOfWonder · 16/03/2012 22:06

Well I'm hardly starting WW3 am I? Just asking what the MN jury think

OP posts:

abrakebabra · 16/03/2012 22:07

I think the OP is BU, and that being 7 months pregnant is neither here nor there.

HTH.

Original poster

BobbysBeardOfWonder · 16/03/2012 22:08

Righto then

OP posts:

LilBlondePessimist · 16/03/2012 22:10

Oh OK, perfect excuse to be rude and snidey then.

NunOnTheRun · 16/03/2012 22:10

YANBU

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