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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to let my 3 yo wee in public?

79 replies

BikeRunSki · 16/03/2012 09:15

DS is 3. He has a cold and a UTI, but is well otherwise. He has been potty trained for about a year.
Nursery/preschool is a 5 min walk away and he had a wee before he left.
On way to preschool he said he needed a wee and he couldn't wait til we got there or wait to home. I hustled him into a corner at the end of a row of shops, full of leaves, old coke cans and dumpsters and he had a wee there. We ddn't corss any fences or gates. I thought about standing him in the road gutter, but it is a main road and there is a school across, so it was very busy with cars and school children at 8.30 am. The lady who owns the shop happened to arrive at work during the minute we were there and had a right old go at us shouting "I don't mean to be rude, this is not a public toilet, it's private property, he should have gone before he left home" . She was doing very well at being rude for someone who didn't mean to be! As if DS wasn't humiliated enough, he burst into tears.

Now this shop is a little local supermarket and PO. I am in there most days. I have been doing a lot of eBay selling since Christmas and have posted about 60+ parcels from there in the last few weeks, it is not like I am complete stranger, I am in there most days for odd bits, milk and the PO. I spent a tenner in there yesterday evening! I take her point, but what else was I meant to do? She has 4 DC of her own, I thought she might be a little bit sympathetic. By the time I got home from nursery, both me a the baby (slinged to my chest this whole time) were both in tears too.

WIBU to let DS have a wee in a corner full of old leaves? Or is the sleep deprivation getting to me?

OP posts:

PooPooInMyToes · 16/03/2012 10:19

Thesecondcoming. Even children who are perfectly well need to go to the loo urgently from time to time. Does that mean no child under the age of 5 should ever leave the house?

landofsoapandglory · 16/03/2012 10:20

Preschool is not the place for a child with a UTI, so for that reason YABU!

libelulle · 16/03/2012 10:23

Wow thesecondcoming. You are really saying that my DD should never leave the house because once every few months she needs to wee in the gutter? Or that I should put her back in nappies even though she hasn't had an accident in 6 months?! I'm often amazed that real live people actually hold the views I read on here, but that one takes the .

2shoes · 16/03/2012 10:25

PooPooInMyToes but the shop keeper said it was private property

PooPooInMyToes · 16/03/2012 10:25

I think some people have ridiculous expectations libel!

BupcakesandCunting · 16/03/2012 10:31

"Yabu, if he can't hang on 5 mins then he shouldn't be out and about."

Good grief.

imnotmymum · 16/03/2012 10:34

My boy is 8 but has always had a weak bladder and frequently we have to stop at a layby [He really did think P sign stood for pee for a long time]. YANBU in general but the place maybe makes it unreasonable but if you need to go you need to go !!

parachutesarefab · 16/03/2012 10:35

YANBU. Kids get caught short, much better to use a tree / patch of grass than make them wet themself.

Maybe the shopkeeper has had problems with people weeing in the doorway of the shop at night or something, so is just a bit sensitive about it?

doublechocchip · 16/03/2012 10:38

yanbu I used to feel a bit smug about never having let my dc's have a wee anywhere except the toilet but last month was just putting all the shopping in my car after having been out in the morning with ds and he was crying he was so desperate for a wee but I made him wait and he wet himself and was so mortified. I felt like a total cow, I wish I'd just let him wee against the wheel of my car as he was so devasted, sometimes they just can't hold it in.

HugADalek · 16/03/2012 10:46

I would have apologised and explained he has a UTI and urgency to go meant that he really had to go. Even if he had peed himself in the street there would have been urine on the ground. I would have politely asked the woman if she had access to some water to chuck over it to clean the mess up, or if she knew anywhere I could get some. If not, I would have bought a bottle of water maybe and flushed it out a bit to reduce smell. Animals do pee outside all the time, so I am sure that so long as you wash it down a bit, it'll drain away and not smell bad.

TruthSweet · 16/03/2012 10:54

That's why I carry a potty and nappy bags lined with cheap sanitary towels every where (child wees/poos in the potty with the bag lining it which is then tied up and either taken home or disposed of in a dog bin).

I have two children who have hair trigger bladders and one of those with reoccuring UTIs to the point of being checked at hospital for kidney reflux so if I didn't I would be carrying more than the one set of spare clothes each I currently carry with me (my youngest is still in nappies but she has a set too - just in case).

It's either that or they wee on the floor in a shop/town centre/park so I know what I'd rather they do. I can't make them not wee (short of not giving them anything to drink but that's not a good solution for a child with UTIs) so I have to make the best of a bad hand.

TheRhubarb · 16/03/2012 11:02

The lady had no idea of your ds' UTI problems. She may well spend half her mornings cleaning piss and vomit from the wall and pavement around the shop. You cannot blame her for getting annoyed.

I would go in later on to apologise and explain about your ds. I'm sure you will find that she is grateful for the apology and very understanding once you explain.

I've had to do this with my kids before now, but I also hate it when I see people pissing up walls. I do think it looks horrible, even though I've done it myself! (not pissed up a wall, but taken my child to a quiet corner to have an emergency wee)

Don't feel bad. She wasn't to know but you can put her in the picture now and it will make things much easier if you have to go in regularly. A simple sorry, even if you feel you are not in the wrong, can often go a long way.

(Whilst he has a UTI it might be worth getting him some absorbent pants for now)

AKMD · 16/03/2012 11:03

YANBU in the exact circumstances you described but a drain would have been better. The 'regular customer' bit was irrelevant.

I saw a little boy weeing in a shop doorway once. Now that was gross. His dad was standing right there.

Columbia999 · 16/03/2012 11:07

I'm amazed by some of the judgemental remarks about small children being caught short. The OP has already said that the shop woman lets her dog wee in the bit of wasteground where the child went, so what's she having a pop at him for? I would have thought everyone who's had children would have been in this situation at some time or another.
This was a three year old with a UTI, not a tramp vomming into the window display of Harrods!

crazygracieuk · 16/03/2012 11:08

Yanbu.
Spotting a weeing child is yuck but young children usually don't have adult level bladder control.

The only shops that I see loos are big supermarkets, pubs and fast food shops. Would other shops and businesses really let kids wee in their employee loos? I bet they would refuse citing health and safety or similar.

PooPooInMyToes · 16/03/2012 11:13

I don't think the fact that the child has a uti is even that relevant. All children get caught short sometimes.

I agree Columbia.

NoDontLickThat · 16/03/2012 11:16

Yanbu, he wasn't well and is only little, poor wee guy getting so upset too, that's a shame. Could you go back and explain to the shop owner that he had a uti and really couldn't wait? Just to clear the air so she knows you weren't deliberately being disrespectful since you do go there so much, to avoid an atmosphere.

TheRhubarb · 16/03/2012 11:17

Is this another of those threads were you either agree vehemently and accuse those who disagree of being snobs or you disagree and accuse others of being common slobs? Is the apt advice that I see a few people have made, of simply apologising to the woman who could not have known about the lad's UTI, wasted?

Oh of course, I'm posting on AIBU, silly me! I shall watch as the accusations turn into insults and then a huge scrap over where is best for children to pee. Happy days!

pigletmania · 16/03/2012 11:30

My goodness all of you, the boy is a toddler who has a UTI not a 13 year old! I was on the way back from the shops yesterday when I saw a boy 9/10 wee on the side of a path on his way from school, now that is unacceptable, no different from an adult doing that. He should have known better to go in school.

littlesue · 16/03/2012 11:31

YANBU - my DS when he was a preschooler had to go in public places - he just couldn't wait. There were 2 stages: 1. I don't need to go and 2. I need to go right now or I'm going to wee my pants. No warning imbetween. Why is it better to let him wee his pants - you know how much that can knock a child's confidence and set him/her back.

I would always try to find a discreet place but sometimes it was not possible and I remember one lady walking pass - I apologised and she said "when they need to go they need to go" - been there done that kind of thing. Another lady noted that it was always more fun to wee in the open air! I think she must have had boys too.

It's embarrassing for the mums too. 5 mins is a lifetime for a young child who is desparate for the loo.

PooPooInMyToes · 16/03/2012 11:33

Im not sure i would apologise actually. He didn't wee on her building but on waste ground near it next to a dumpster, some grass, dog wee and a load of rubbish. The woman was really over the top and made a small boy cry and feel self conscious about peeing. Next time he might not say anything for fear of being shouted at and wet himself.

Don't think id particularly feel like apologizing to her.

pigletmania · 16/03/2012 11:42

I would not bat an eyelid if I saw a little toddler wee in public, they are only small and do not have the control of an older child or adult. At times I have taken dd to the toilet before we went out, to be suddenly confronted with "i want a wee" so had to find somewhere discreet (she was a preschooler and toilet training)

TheRhubarb · 16/03/2012 11:43

In this often arrogant and aggressive world where we always have to be proved right, it's nice at times to take the initiative and apologise even if you don't need to. It's so rarely done and is guaranteed to solicit a positive response.

The woman didn't know the little boy had a UTI, she might have had problems with people pissing there in the past and she just saw red - we've all been there. A quick explanation and a short apology will ensure that everyone is happy and the OP doesn't have to be embarrassed when she goes in with her parcels.

Or is that too reasonable for an AIBU thread?

wheremommagone · 16/03/2012 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ByTheWay1 · 16/03/2012 11:44

What age does he have to be for it NOT to be OK? 4, 6, 8, 10, 15, 40?? my grandad has prostate trouble and has to go "now" - he's 92 - is that ok?

The lady wasn't rude if all she said was it's private property and you should have gone before you left home..... It may be a scruffy, dog pee filled dumping ground to you - but it is hers.... I wouldn't want someone (sorry - no, not even a toddler) peeing on my open plan front garden (or even my scruffy weed infested driveway) - however desperate they were.

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