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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to let my 3 yo wee in public?

79 replies

BikeRunSki · 16/03/2012 09:15

DS is 3. He has a cold and a UTI, but is well otherwise. He has been potty trained for about a year.
Nursery/preschool is a 5 min walk away and he had a wee before he left.
On way to preschool he said he needed a wee and he couldn't wait til we got there or wait to home. I hustled him into a corner at the end of a row of shops, full of leaves, old coke cans and dumpsters and he had a wee there. We ddn't corss any fences or gates. I thought about standing him in the road gutter, but it is a main road and there is a school across, so it was very busy with cars and school children at 8.30 am. The lady who owns the shop happened to arrive at work during the minute we were there and had a right old go at us shouting "I don't mean to be rude, this is not a public toilet, it's private property, he should have gone before he left home" . She was doing very well at being rude for someone who didn't mean to be! As if DS wasn't humiliated enough, he burst into tears.

Now this shop is a little local supermarket and PO. I am in there most days. I have been doing a lot of eBay selling since Christmas and have posted about 60+ parcels from there in the last few weeks, it is not like I am complete stranger, I am in there most days for odd bits, milk and the PO. I spent a tenner in there yesterday evening! I take her point, but what else was I meant to do? She has 4 DC of her own, I thought she might be a little bit sympathetic. By the time I got home from nursery, both me a the baby (slinged to my chest this whole time) were both in tears too.

WIBU to let DS have a wee in a corner full of old leaves? Or is the sleep deprivation getting to me?

OP posts:
AwkwardMary · 16/03/2012 09:36

Don't be upset....considering his UTI yanbu. I am a right stickler for not weeing in public but what could you do?

I am tempted to tell you to send a card into her shop with an apology and wording like this

Sorry for letting my boy tinkle
it was only a tiny sprinkle
he's got an infection
so your well meant correction
was an afront to his compromised winkle

or something. Might make her feel guilty the miserable thing.

molly3478 · 16/03/2012 09:37

Hes only little I dont see the problem. Dogs poo and wee everywhere and leave it all over the streets and towns. My DD picked up a piece of hardened dog poo when she was 2 in the park now that is disgusting!! However DD has done a wee hidden away from people in an emergency before.

bumpsnowjustplump · 16/03/2012 09:37

My ds has just turned three, he has been potty trained for a year as well. We went shopping yesterday and before we left I took him to the toilet for a wee which he did. Walk back to the car and he declairs he needs a wee and cant wait... clutching his bits and jumping from one foot to the other. I had no choice he had to wee up against the wall in the car park. SO YANBU sometimes needs must...

CamperFan · 16/03/2012 09:39

YANBU given the circumstances, sometimes they just need to go. Don't give it anymore thought.

BupcakesandCunting · 16/03/2012 09:40

He has a UTI! That's shit as an adult, never mind a three-year old! Poor little sausage. YANBU. I'm sure you'd rather NOT have to let your son piss up a shop, but that's life.

I, for one, am sick of seeing dogs slashing all over the gaff wherever they feel like it. I'd rather have an ill three-year old slash up my wall that a filthy, panting furface.

TattyDevine · 16/03/2012 09:42

Given the circumstances I think YANBU.

My 4 year old got caught short in the park the other day after a long bike ride (we'd been out for nearly 3 hours and he'd necked a big drink halfway due to the exercise we'd been doing) and we stopped at the park on the way home and he needed a wee. Husband said we had to go home then as he doesn't like weeing in public and neither do I but there was a lady walking a dog and I saw the dog cock his leg and wee on a tree stump in a far corner (not IN the playground btw) and I figured if the dog had just weed on this stump it wouldn't hurt for my son to do one too. So I took him over there and he discretely weed on it, it was a massive wee. Shoot me, he would have moaned the whole way home otherwise.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 16/03/2012 09:43

YANBU.

I'm not a fan of public pissing, but you were caught out and the shopkeeper was mean.

Don't dwell on it, though :)

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 16/03/2012 09:45

And what bupcakes said too, re pissing dogs.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 16/03/2012 09:46

I've been thinking about this and reckon the "no peeing in public" rule just doesn't apply to preschoolers. Sure you should find a toilet if you can but if they are desperate they have to go. I've been admonished by a stranger for letting my DD wee in a drain in a town. She was only 2 and I'd grabbed her quickly out of a shop when I saw a small wet patch on her groin. There was nothing for it but to hold her over the nearest drain. If DD had told a me a few minutes earlier I'd have found the loo but it was beyond that point. I think strangers need to give the benefit of the doubt that there is a good reasons why a child that age is peeing in public before making both parent an child feel bad.

sevenbubbles · 16/03/2012 09:47

Yanbu at all IMO. Yes, they should be able to hold on, but sometimes they can't. I can't believe how judgy some people are being to be honest. It's not like you let him wee on the floor of the shop and people who are confrontational in front of small children need to take a long hard look at themselves.

My dd daughter weed on the floor of waitrose once and they could not have been nicer Grin

PooPooInMyToes · 16/03/2012 09:50

What a mean woman. Little kids can't hold it in that long, if they need to go they NEED to go!

Whether he SHOULD be able to hold it in is neither here nor there. Whether people don't particularly like kids weeing in the street is neither here nor there either. What was the op supposed to do!

readyveg · 16/03/2012 09:52

Honestly I can not fathom the problem, kids do small untroubling wees. They may as well pee up the lamppost after all a big pongy male dog will have done so earlier.

Hope his uti has cleared up, think mine has one too...weed in a shop yesterday. The bloke working laughed and went to get a mop. Much nicer person!

libelulle · 16/03/2012 09:57

My DD is nearly 4, almost never has accidents, but all the same is still at the stage where if she needs to go, it is often Right Now This Very Second. I love the posters saying 'they should be able to hold it in.' Should I confine her to the house at all times just because her bladder happens not to agree with you?! These children are 3 for pity's sake, not 8!

In the past I've hesitated when we've been in the middle of an urban street but what is the alternative? Wetting her pants in the middle of the pavement seems much worse than letting her go in the gutter, especially as she's at the point where having an accident is far more humiliating than public weeing.

PooPooInMyToes · 16/03/2012 09:59

I agree with whoever said the not weeing in public rule doesn't apply to preschoolers.

Its funny really because as mums we get judged so much so having our children in nappies past the age of 1 or 2 or whatever and then also get judged when they can't hold their wee in all the way home.

Its like people thing we should give birth to some sort of superbaby.

ASByatt · 16/03/2012 10:01

Slightly off topic, but I wouldn't have been taking a 3 year old with a cold plus a UTI to nursery/pre-school in the first place, tbh. UTIs are horrid, best to have had a quiet day at home, no?

2shoes · 16/03/2012 10:02

yabu
if it is private property you shouldn't have let him go there

BeautifulBlondePineapple · 16/03/2012 10:03

I don't think there's anything wrong with what you did. I have done the same with my youngest DS - he is 3 too and can pee 3 times in 10 minutes if he's had a large drink!

Bet she wouldn't have said anything if it had been a dog.

mojitomania · 16/03/2012 10:06

YANBU. As a few others have said he's only 3 bless him. I would have done exactly the same thing OP.

squeakytoy · 16/03/2012 10:11

Why does this have to turn into a "people let dogs wee everywhere".. no they bloody dont.. some might but plenty dont!

Hold your child over a grid, go up a side street, ask in the shop if he can use a toilet... but why let him urinate where others have to walk.

imogengladheart · 16/03/2012 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PooPooInMyToes · 16/03/2012 10:15

It was wasteland where dogs go. Don't think it was private property and don't think others have to go there.

Op said they couldn't go in the gutter because of the cars. So if she can't go in the gutter, the shops are closed and she shouldn't use the waste land because someone might own it where was she supposed to go Squeaky?

callmemrs · 16/03/2012 10:16

I agree with squeaky. And even though some selfish people let their dogs piss on lamposts, peoples buildings or hedges, it doesn't make it ok!

Reminds me of that line of argument some people use on smoking threads : 'well theres loads of environental pollution from cars anyway!' - erm, yes, so why add to it?

As I said up thread, if the op didnt have any choice but to take her unwell son out, then I think she was in a no win situation here. But normally there should be no need for a fully potty trained child to pee in public, and I can also understand the shopkeeper not being impressed

TheSecondComing · 16/03/2012 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PooPooInMyToes · 16/03/2012 10:17

I wouldn't shop there anymore either.

2shoes. it wasn't private property it was wasteland. Its not like it was someones front garden!

wolvesarejustoldendaydogs · 16/03/2012 10:18

If he was going where dogs wee then YANBU at all, and the woman was being very unpleasant. People quickly forget when they're past a certain stage of childhood what it's like in that stage. I have forgotten that 3yo stage already (DS1 is 4) but DS2 is 2.8 and about to potty train so soon I'll be right back in there, and empathising with you all the more OP.