Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is not going to work.

29 replies

scarborough84 · 15/03/2012 21:30

I have 2 dc 7 and 6 and I am due to have a third child by elective csection. DH thinks he can get away with only taking 3 days off work. I think he needs to take at least a week.
He has said his mum will help but i don;t think its enough.

OP posts:
Rogerbacon · 15/03/2012 21:32

blimey

good luck

pictish · 15/03/2012 21:33

Doesn't he want to have more time off then?
Is he self employed? It seems a bit stingy on his part tbh. 3 days.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/03/2012 21:33

No, YANBU. I don't know how well you get on with MIL but I wouldn't have managed after my CS with only three days of DH's help. I wasn't even out of the hospital by then as DD had jaundice.

1Catherine1 · 15/03/2012 21:34

Your DH is probably a little deluded. Surely taking a week or two off when his child (I assume) is born is not a big deal...

Sandalwood · 15/03/2012 21:42

Are the school runs sorted?

theoldtrout01876 · 15/03/2012 21:42

My Dh only took 2 days off after my c section. It was all his company would let him take. I had 3 other kids at home but not little ones, 9, 10 and 11. I managed fine. It all depends on your pain tolerance and your ability to ignore stuff till you feel up to doing it.:o

MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 15/03/2012 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dreamingbohemian · 15/03/2012 21:51

You may still be in hospital all three days -- or more (god forbid).

Why won't he take off more time?

undercoverPrincess · 15/03/2012 21:59

I would be fine with it IF he was doing the school runs....

Eglu · 15/03/2012 22:01

My DH took only 2 days off after DD (DC3) as he is self employed and couldn't take any more. However my Mum then came and stayed for a week at my house to help.

This was not a CS either, although I did have lots of stitches in theatre, but not a patch on having a CS. Seriously deluded!

Original poster
scarborough84 · 15/03/2012 22:04

Hopefully friend can do at least some of school runs. He will be out from 7 till 7 approx. Doesn't want to take more time as much of his holiday already allocatted

OP posts:
An0therName · 15/03/2012 22:05

what about paternity leave?that's in addition to holiday - appriciated not always on full pay

IAmBooyhoo · 15/03/2012 22:06

he is entitled to 2 weeks paternity leave. why isn't he using it?

dreamingbohemian · 15/03/2012 22:08

Well that sounds like a pretty rubbish reason.

What is his holiday allocated for already? I mean.... he knew you were having a baby, yes? Why wouldn't he save more time for that?

partridge · 15/03/2012 22:11

Not to be competitively stoical, but my husband took off a day. And it was a 3rd csection. However the baby was seriously ill on a ventilator (we knew pretty quickly he was going to recover - my husband isn't that callous!) so I was in hospital for a week.

Very fortunately my amazing mum stepped up and looked after other two while i was in hospital, but that kind of used up her goodwill/ childcare. He is a contractor and so doesn't get paid if he doesn't work. So in short, whilst far from desirable it can be done. Not school runs though - mine was in the summer holidays thank goodness. I would have insisted he did those for a few weeks. Good luck.

Threeprinces · 15/03/2012 22:11

Have you had a CS before? If not, he won't realise how much support you will need at first. The standard stay in hospital is 2-3 nights alone.

He really needs to reassess and take paternity leave, you will need him around.

Good luck with it all.

attheendoftheday · 15/03/2012 23:16

Bloody hell, you'll need another pair of hands for a bit more than 3 days if you're having a cs. There's a reasonable chance you'll still be in hospital. Mil as a helper will only work if you have a very close relationship - do you? I love my mil, but I wouldn't have been comfortable with her as my main post-birth helper.

What is your dh's holiday allocaed for? Is it important? Can he take a fortnight's paternity leave plus the three days.

Original poster
scarborough84 · 16/03/2012 08:30

TBF he does have to book his holiday in advance (before we found out) and much of it he is unable to cancel as we have already booked. Did mention paternity leave but he thinks it would be unpaid. I have suggested he double check as I suspect most decent companies would give a couple of days at full pay.
This is my 3rd csection so he should know how tough it is. Although the last two times I only had a newborn or a newborn and toddler to deal with. Plus they were at the weekend so I was home by Monday or Tuesday. Will definately have to try and schedule this one for a Thursday or Friday if possible.
Think a friend could cover most of main school runs but dd does after school clubs. Brownies etc. Thats what I am dreading the most.
I do get on ok with MIL but it isn't the same.

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 16/03/2012 08:41

I can sympathise with you both. My DCs were born (all by CS) before paternity leave came in and added to that my DH's employer only had fixed holidays. He was allowed to take a day off for the births and after that time off was only if it coincided with a fixed holiday.

It isnt great but you cope.

Surely your DCs could miss a couple of weeks of after school clubs?

chairmanofthebored · 16/03/2012 08:49

Why is it men are so very supportive when you have your first child? by the time you are onto your second or third they seem to assume you are old hat and don't need any help. I experienced this attitude when i had my second ds.

I just sat my DH down and explained that i would still need just as much help and support as the first time. Turned out i actually needed more as i ended up with c- section and a whole heap of bf problems.

Sometimes men need to have it spelled out in my experience!

GavisconJunkie · 16/03/2012 08:51

Paternity is statutory, not completely unpaid, but it's £90 ish per week. I had a section on a Tuesday morning & didn't gen out until Thursday afternoon, I was one of the lucky ones on the ward. I could barely get upstairs & couldn't carry baby downstairs.

I think he's being unreasonable & there's no need for you to be a martyr.

catgirl1976 · 16/03/2012 08:53

As others have said, if he is employed and been with his employer long enough, he is entitled to paternity leave (paid but not much) and also time off for dependants on top off that (unpaid)

imnotmymum · 16/03/2012 09:01

depends on his job as already pointed out. My DH is self-employed and we could not afford to have time off so he had about 3/4 days after each child. However i did not have a c section so that would probably we different. Have you actually spoke to him about your concerns>?

dreamingbohemian · 16/03/2012 14:26

He thinks it's unpaid? Hmm

Fair enough if there are obstacles in the way, but he should be doing everything he can to see what he can do to maximise the time he can be around -- not to help, but to take care of his own children.

You are having major surgery, surely he has options for leave. Can he really not pick up a phone and talk to someone in HR and find out?

OTTMummA · 16/03/2012 15:47

I would be so dissapointed if my dh said/did this to me.
He hasn't even investigated what the paternity leave pay is has he?
Does he have an avoident personality?
I can understand to an extent if he was self employed or just in a new job, although i would say they have 9 months to put aside funds to cover 2 weeks of no pay Hmm.

I would be telling him that you don't need his mum, you and your children need and want him there for at least 2 weeks, and if he doesn't you will feel very let down.

He should really be ashamed!

Swipe left for the next trending thread