Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is bloody rude!

58 replies

vanillacremebrulee · 15/03/2012 19:17

So DS1 is 10 years old, DS2 is 8 years and DS3 is 6 weeks old and very colicky and shouty bless his heart! No need to say that I'm sleep deprived and stressed and hardly managing to survive at the moment.
Well, two weeks ago the mother of a friend of DS2 invited him to play at her house because her DD is good friends with him and because that would "relieve" me of one child for an afternoon.
Tonight, after a VERY difficult afternoon of inexplicable crying and lots of other things going on, said mother of DS's friend rings me and has the cheek to say this:
"Have you had a chance to think when (DD's name) could come to yours to play with (DS2's name)"
I was like "Hmmm...not sure things are a bit hectic..." and then she goes "How about the 31st March, would that be alright for you?"....
Honestly I don't know why but I find it incredibly rude that she would push me for a date to have her daughter to come and play at ours even though I'm sure I must have said that next time it's our turn! Maybe it's because I'm having a hard day but the whole thing really really pisses me off!

OP posts:
Shutupanddrive · 24/03/2012 16:18

Say NO!!! What a cheek Angry

ilove · 24/03/2012 16:22

say no

"sorry, next week isn't convenient for us" and leave it at that

YellowDinosaur · 24/03/2012 16:23

How long is she expecting you to have her dd for?

Stratters · 24/03/2012 16:23

I think fuck the fuck off would be highly acceptable Shock

What a cheek.

Original poster
vanillacremebrulee · 24/03/2012 16:26

And can I add, I wouldn't be so pissed off if she'd just said from the start "can I ask you a favour? Can you have X over to yours as we both need to go to work?"
But to make it seem like I need to return a favour is utter manipulation!

OP posts:
Hassled · 24/03/2012 16:27

Just be honest with her. Text her if it's easier and tell her the truth - you're really struggling with colicky baby, you're only just keeping your head above water and you just can't manage another child from 8.30 in the morning. When things have settled you'll be in touch and will have the DD. Goodbye and thank you.

Really - don't overthink this. Yes, she was bloody rude but just be upfront now.

hathorinareddress · 24/03/2012 16:28

I would not say "sorry"

I would say "next week doesn't suit."

JarethTheGoblinKing · 24/03/2012 16:30

"I've got a 6 week old baby. Can we leave it a few weeks?"

Is all you need to say.

diddl · 24/03/2012 16:31

So she asked your son to play as a favour to her??!!

Well, return the favour when it´s convenient-for an afternoon, as she did!

FetchezLaVache · 24/03/2012 16:35

Very rude IMO. She "relieves" you of one child for an afternoon, only to lumber you with one extra one FOR A WHOLE DAY when you have a newborn- a colicky one at that!

Just say you're sorry, you assumed it would be just for the afternoon and mornings are far too fraught to be able to provide free childcare for have her daughter to play from 8.30.

OlympicEater · 24/03/2012 16:37

OMG what a cheeky cow that woman is.

If we have children over here to play it is because my DCs want them, not because I expect a return favour.

And if my DCs ask when they can go to play at their friends I tell them that they wait to be invited.

And someone with a young colicky baby should not be put upon to act as childcare - tell them to fuck off.

Pozzled · 24/03/2012 16:40

Just say 'No, we won't be able to do next Saturday.' If you feel you need to, you could add: 'I'll be happy to have your DD for an afternoon in a few weeks time, once things have calmed down a little with the baby.'

Salmotrutta · 24/03/2012 16:42

She's trying to play you like a fish the cheeky besom! Shock

dlady · 24/03/2012 16:49

In my experience, having friends to play is usually a few hours after school or in the holidays, does this woman expect the OP to have her child all day Shock . I would say 8.30 isn't convenient/too early, the child could come at perhaps 11, have some lunch then go home about 3ish.

Some people have brazen down to a fine art.

NeshBugger · 24/03/2012 16:52

Some people! Excellent assertive suggestions on here. Hope you use one of them.

zipzap · 24/03/2012 16:59

Definitely think you need to call her up now and say that things are going so badly and you're feeling so sleep deprived with dc3 being so colicky that it's not fair to have their dd around then to play for the afternoon and that you'll rearrange when you are all feeling better and you are able to cope.

I'd also malle sure that you ring her - maybe when you think she will be cooking supper or doing bathtime so that you catch her on the hop and you are able to say your bit ( after all she caught you on the hop so don't feel too bad about it) without giving her a chance to say anything other than ok. I'd also point out to her that she caught you at an incredibly bad time and that it wouldn't have mattered if she was inviting you to tea with the queen at that time or asking you to jump off a cliff, you weren't really in a position to process what she was saying properly. And that now it has sunk in you're just not up to organising play afternoons yet.

Not sure if its better or worse to leave a message - the worry woul be that she would pretend she didn't get it and still turn up at stupid early time in the morning...

missnevermind · 24/03/2012 17:05

Ohh extra MN points for Besom Salmotrutta.

Text her to say you assumed it would be for Tea and you are sorry this is no longer convienient for her.

confusedpixie · 24/03/2012 17:10

[shock What a cheeky cow! Tell her to get a babysitter (and provide a number if need be?) She blatantly is using you as free childcare :(

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 24/03/2012 17:16

Are we "supposed" to reciprocate children's play visits to other people's houses?
My Dd has been on one sleepover, and for tea at a couple of houses, and no3 son went for a sleepover once and I have for various reasons never invited anyone else's DCs here, and have no intention of doing so. Should I be saying no when my DCs get invited places since we can't won't be reciprocating?
Nobody has ever said anything, or implied anything or passed comment. It actually never occurred to me until I read stuff including this here.

OlympicEater · 24/03/2012 17:22

POM I reciprocate on the basis that if the child likes mine enough to invite them to play then it would be nice for them to have another opportunity to play but unfair to expect other parent to always host.

Not obligatory though.

However if I am always host and the child is a PITA then I cease inviting.

sharenicely · 24/03/2012 17:24

Pom I think it depends on your reasons.
If I had someone's dc's for tea or sleepover I would expect a reciprocal invite. It wouldn't be the reason I invited them but I think it's just good manners and maybe would only invite twice if no return invite.

ChaoticAngel · 24/03/2012 17:57

YANBU This woman is taking the piss.

Call me cynical but I suspect she offered to take him so she could ask for the 'favour' to be returned in free childcare.

Original poster
vanillacremebrulee · 24/03/2012 18:07

I always reciprocate the invitations and would have done so but when things settle down a bit!
I did phone her and said no very firmly and feel so much better now!

OP posts:
zipzap · 24/03/2012 18:08

Being able to reciprocate is nice but not obligatory. If you keep inviting someone over and it's up to you to decide what to do if you keep inviting someone's dc over and it's never reciprocated.

Having said that - I think that it is wrong to expect exact reciprocation. Especially in cases when somebody needs help or there are other circumstances involved.

And in the OPs case, she hasn't ever said that she doesn't want to reciprocate, but that she needs things to settle down with the baby until she is in a position to be able to cope with hosting another child for the afternoon.

Furthermore it has never been the case that you can demand a reciprocal playdate when you want it regardless of how the other person is. It's one thing to ask a favour if you need childcare on a specific date - completely different from demanding a playdate when you want it as appeared to happen in this instance as the op has said herself.

Shutupanddrive · 24/03/2012 18:55

What did she say op?

Swipe left for the next trending thread