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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get annoyed at the things my partner's mum says?

50 replies

andrea77 · 15/03/2012 13:10

I am sick to death of my partner's mum's little comments! Since my dd was born it's been 'did silly mummy forget to pack your nappy bags?' 'did silly mummy not bring a bib?'.... all directed at my baby but said so I can hear. So what if I forget something small every now and again, my daughter is loved and well looked after. I snapped the other night and replied 'Actually 'silly mummy' did not forget a bib, I didn't bring one as I prefer to use a muslin as it covers more of her clothes!' but my partner had a go at me, saying not to be so short with mum. And anyway - how come it's always 'silly mummy' and never 'silly daddy'!? Another thing - does anyone else get annoyed with people saying - 'Is your mummy not feeding you enough?' at the slightest noise / indication of hunger from your baby? OK, rant over, sorry.

OP posts:

bagelmonkey · 15/03/2012 13:16

I had the same, 'silly mummy', 'mean mummy', 'nasty mummy' etc
There was a very good thread here somewhere about how to deal with MIL

RhiRhi123 · 15/03/2012 13:16

YES! I hate it! I was feeding my dd a bottle and she fell asleep and I got 'Aww look she's lazy like mummy!' or if i'm upstairs when she turns up and I come down stairs i get 'aww did u just get up??' even if it's 3 in the afternoon! (I never nap in the day and am always up early) it's all said really patronising or i'll do lunch or something and she'll disappear and come back saying 'i've just done the washing up coz I know what ur like it won't get done!' JESUS CHRIST woman. I work 45 hours a week do 10 hours worth of travelling a week and I do all the housework and look after my family etc FUCK OFF! :D and breathe ......

fussbucket · 15/03/2012 13:16

Find something she's bogged up and go 'Silly Granny xyz....'?

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 15/03/2012 13:16

Oooh I hate this too! Always silly mummy's fault I really don't understand why some people (mainly grannies,it seems) don't seem to realise how rude it is to critisise another person, in front of them, while talking to someone else.

My MIL used to do it all the time. Less so now but mainly because I started doing it back. "Silly grandma! She's put honey on you toast again even though I told her she shouldn't as you're too little! Maybe we should take Grandma to the doctor and get them to check her hearing?" For example.

fussbucket · 15/03/2012 13:17

I remember that thread bagel, it wasn't that long ago, can't remember which bit of the site it was in though.

NicholasTeakozy · 15/03/2012 13:18

YANBU. She's sounds horrible. Just direct it back at her, see how she likes it.

RhiRhi123 · 15/03/2012 13:18

haha desperately thats genius!! have a

fussbucket · 15/03/2012 13:18

There's always the great MN 'Did you mean to sound so rude?'

bagelmonkey · 15/03/2012 13:19

this one

feelokaboutit · 15/03/2012 13:22

I think the grannies who do this are simply jealous - that gorgeous baby, though of course their grandchild is your baby and they cannot handle it without some sniping along the way. It's also difficult for them (I think) to adjust to not being the decision makers anymore. All that does stop anyhow, my kids are 6, 8 and 10 now and all the passive aggressive comments stopped quite quickly. I think it only happens in small babyhood, so relax and enjoy your baby, all you need to know is that you are doing a good job, your baby loves you, and nothing else matters!!

IAmBooyhoo · 15/03/2012 13:23

ooh i hate that! my mum does it. it's very passive aggressive. i dont really know how deal with it in a way that works TBH other than just saying, "grow up and stop talking at me through my child." but i have never said this as i know my mum wouldn't get it she would huff and then revert to what she was doing.

CailinDana · 15/03/2012 13:25

I just do it back to MIL. She's arriving later so I'll have to stock up on shit to complain about :)

Mrsjay · 15/03/2012 13:25

I would reply silly mummy did forget but silly grandma is an eejit for ecpecting baby to care ignore her she is being a little mean and grannies say these things in hindsight I bet they forgot things when they had babies ,

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 15/03/2012 13:25

thnaks for the yum!

And to balance the argument of "everyone picks on their MIL, poor MILs everywhere!" My own mum used to do similar. "Is mean mummy leaving the room and making you cry? Poor baby!" (I have to go to the loo FFS!) But the difference is all I said was "mum, that really isn't helpful, cut it out." and she stopped. Tried that MIL and whoosh! Straight over her head with a laugh.

Mrsjay · 15/03/2012 13:28

I do think MIL get a hardtime Its not really fair my mum would say aww is mummy leaving you in your pram all alone sigh yes I am cos she is sleeping or watching the world go by ,

YuleingFanjo · 15/03/2012 13:29

I think if it were me I would definitely say 'oh no - it was silly daddy who forgot it wasn't it' because the fact that she is always blaming you would annoy me the most if you see what I mean.

I like DesperatelySeekingSedatives's suggestion too.

I don't think people really think about what they are saying though.

A few 'silly granny' comments thrown in would probably make her realise what she's doing.

Mrsjay · 15/03/2012 13:31

I used to say Oh i didnt pack her bag Dad did , MIL would look at me funny she was very old fashioned like that , mum has her thing dad has his ,

Debsbear · 15/03/2012 13:33

Really, don't get me started on M-I-L's!! I was having a good day!

OhBrotherWhereArtThou · 15/03/2012 13:36

When DC1 was two weeks old, we went to visit MIL, then round the corner to her father where the rest of the family were waiting.

It was the early September, but really warm, no coats necessary, and all of them were completely, ridiculously, over-the-top horrified that I hadn't put a hat on her. We were dragged to the nearest shop where a hat was duly purchased and handed to me.

That whole occasion was a very sore point for me, and the weeks after were filled with 'silly mummy' comments. The next winter, 14 months later, we had been over to visit. I was getting DD all wrapped up to leave, and put her coats, hat and mittens on. MIL commented 'starting to get the hang of this now, aren't you?'

I bought her a hat and scarf set for Christmas, seeing hats are so bloody important to her :o

DrowninginDuplo · 15/03/2012 13:40

My mother in law did this. She claimed to not to realise she was being so rude when I pulled her up on it. I'd just tell her you find it hurtful.

Original poster

andrea77 · 15/03/2012 13:41

I'm glad I'm not the only one! TBH to me it's just annoying and plain rude but imagine if the same things were being said to someone who was really struggling or had PND. Loving some of the suggestions on how to deal with it but my bloke keeps not to be so sensitive and to remember she's going to be doing us a big favour as she'll be helping look after my dd when I go back to work.

OP posts:

MariaFormosa · 15/03/2012 13:41

Saying annoying things is part of the job description for MIL's ... mine is brilliant at irritated reprimanding of my dc's (eg: petty table manners type things when children were really small) which I wouldn't mind if she ever did/said much that was positive...

minouminou · 15/03/2012 13:45

DP's dad once - and only once - did the "Computer says no...." trick (remember the bank advisor in Little Britain?

He wanted to wake a week-old DS up so he could interact with him, and I said it wasn't a good idea. He looked over at DP's mum and said, in the required monotone...."Computer says no....".

My response: "I'm not a computer, I'm the human being who will have to deal with the consequences of your actions."

He didn't do it again.

CailinDana · 15/03/2012 13:46

Even more annoying actually is the over the top praise thing my MIL does. We were out at a cafe recently and DS managed to spill his drink all over himself. MIL started fussing about how he'd be cold on the way home. I pulled out a change of clothes and changed him. I then got the "Oh clever mummy, she's always prepared, she remembered clothes for you DS!" Made me feel like she sees me as some sort of idiot who should be bigged up for the tiniest little thing. I bloody bring DS out every single day of his life, why would I NOT remember to have a change of clothes for him!! GAAHHH!!

Original poster

andrea77 · 15/03/2012 13:47

Don't get me started on the hat issue. She's forever knitting new ones (and matching cardigans) and is most offended if she sees my dd in a shop bought one or god forbid - no hat at all!!!

OP posts:

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