To get annoyed at the things my partner's mum says?

[andrea77]

I am sick to death of my partner's mum's little comments! Since my dd was born it's been 'did silly mummy forget to pack your nappy bags?' 'did silly mummy not bring a bib?'.... all directed at my baby but said so I can hear. So what if I forget something small every now and again, my daughter is loved and well looked after. I snapped the other night and replied 'Actually 'silly mummy' did not forget a bib, I didn't bring one as I prefer to use a muslin as it covers more of her clothes!' but my partner had a go at me, saying not to be so short with mum. And anyway - how come it's always 'silly mummy' and never 'silly daddy'!? Another thing - does anyone else get annoyed with people saying - 'Is your mummy not feeding you enough?' at the slightest noise / indication of hunger from your baby? OK, rant over, sorry.

Hah with my MIL it's bibs. I don't put bibs on DS at all, so she actually -get this - BRINGS HER OWN BIBS WITH HER WHEN SHE VISITS. I am not kidding. She is bloody chuffing nuts.

What joyless families everyone has... Does no-one pull each other's leg these days? No affectionate teasing? No back and forth with the acid one-liners? If you get the 'what has silly mummy done now?' remark you bide your time and hit back with a 'poor granny forgetting, it's a shame when the old Alzheimers kicks in' etc.

my mum does sort of the opposite cailindana. she always assumes i haven't prepared or planned or thought ahead. e.g. ds2 started toilet training a few weeks ago. on a visit to my mum's after telling her that he was now toilet training she started saying things like "you should keep a potty in the car" "you should keep spare changes of clothes in your bag" "dont expect miracles overnight" "he wont be dry for a while so dont throw out your waterproof sheets yet" "dont be giving him drinks after his dinner or he'll wet the bed" etc etc. as if none of those thoughts had entered my head. like i had just taken ds's nappy off and hoped for the best. i have an almost 7 year old, i've been through this before. and i am capable of producing thoughts all by myself! frustrating.

Oh there's plenty of joking and winding each other up with other members of my family, it's just this woman has no sense of humour - really she doesn't get jokes. I wish she did, in that case I could pretend she was just trying to be funny.

That sort of shit annoys me too Booyhoo. I know they're trying to be helpful but it is so belittling. My mum keeps going on about DS's sleep, as if it's awful and we need to do something about it. I've never once complained about it, in fact I think it's great that he sleeps 7pm to 6am, but she keeps going on as if we're worn out and at the end of our rope with it. Pisses me off.

I definitely can't joke with my mum or I'll get the look and she'll sulk for at least a year. I'm not kidding about that.

Joyless just about sums her up.

i had exactly the same issue with ds2 aswell!! i think it was because i was BFing him and my mum has a chip on her shoulder about that but like you i never once complained that i wanted to changed anything. she seemed to think that because i was tried i was doing something wrong and there was a problem. i personally accepted that when i had a child i would be tired!! she did not understand this. "give him a bottle at night and you'll get a bit of sleep" i know she thought this was being helpful but if she actually listened to me she would see there wasn't a problem to be helped!

cailin after the 'look' and sulking comment i think you are actually me.

Mine is temperature obsessed when it comes to DS.

"Will he be warm enough like that?"

Errrr, no but otherwise my experiment into pushing him to his absolute limits won't be conclusive / you mad old bat.

The other day she asked me three times before she took him out in the end I snapped and said "MIL, he'll be fine, stop fussing!" She stared agog at me and then said "I'll just take his cardigan incase."

I think they have an overwhelming need to mother and because they know these babies aren't there's they just try and point score over the pettiest of things. Also FIL wouldn't take on board any information that I passed onto him when he's looking after DS. He would say "I have been a Father for 36 years Dexy" until I answered "Yes, but you've never been DS's Dad have you."

I felt like a total champ that day.

No problem since.

Ooh we're the same person in two (very similar) realities Booyhoo

Arf at "otherwise my experiment into pushing him to his absolute limits won't be conclusive" ! You are responsible for the rice on my keyboard Dexy :)

that is a great comeback dexy. i have resorted to sarcasm on occasion but my mum with her score of zero on the sense of humour scale tells me not to be cheeky and actually means it

just remembered when dses told my mum we were going to xtravision to rent a movie for our dvd night she looked at me and ever so seriously said "make sure it's a suitable one". i replied "we're getting the exorcist, it's about a child"

I proper lolled at that one Booyhoo, that's a fab comeback :)

Not child-related, but on Christmas day I said to MIL that I was turning on Corrie. The conversation went like this:
MIL: Are you sure it's on
Me: Yes
MIL: Really? It's Christmas Day
Me: Yeah I'm definite that it's on, I'm just putting it on now.
MIL: Are you sure?
Me: Oh you know what you're right, it's not on, what I meant to say was DH and I have written our own Corrie script, we're going to put on the news and dub the lines over what the newsreaders say.

Luckily MIL was well oiled and laughed and jokily called me a bitch. I did think I was a bit mean but I couldn't help it, she questions everything I do 500 times!!!

oh dear, I'm guilty of this (name currently changed due to a post I started not because i'm admitting to this )

I mean it with the best intentions not to be patronising, my SIL is truly scatty and the things she forgets to bring for the kids are hilarious at times. She asks to be reminded about things - she forgets stuff for herself too and has to set reminders on her phone all the time for the slightest things.

Myself, and other family members have all adopted this way of 'gently' reminding her as we thought it was less obvious than how my brother tells her - X ffs, have you forgotten that again, etc etc

I will now however refrain from this tactic and perhaps adopt the more direct route!

yes!! that is exactly (your corrie script line) the sort of thing i say to mum but i'm always jsut being cheeky!

Notsure -if your SIL knows she's scatty and wants to be reminded then I think it's fine to just say "Right SIL, do you have wipes, nappies, etc" and just be matter of fact about it. Speaking through the baby is quite condescending and it also means that the person being spoken to can't really respond, which isn't fair.

I don't even bother being snippy with my mum any more Booyhoo, I just engage with her as little as possible :( Even then I know she'll be sulking about something, she seems to spend her life permanently in a sulk.

Cailin - it will be stopped, honestly and truthfully never saw it as condescending - I saw it more as gently taking the piss. She's outspoken enough to not worry about telling me to fuck off over it and she never has.

Kids are older now too and they have to remind her. Maybe we are an exception to the rule in this case???

However, I've seen the error of my ways!!

If she's ok with it then it's fine! If she genuinely sees it as just taking the piss or being helpful then there's no problem at all with it. The problem I have with it is that MIL uses it as a way to get subtle digs in, which is just nasty.

it's hard when you have to make that decision to stay away for your own sanity isn't cailin? we used to visit mum twice a week but it's down 2 maybe twice a month now. sometimes i jst cant bring myself to go there and sit through it.

I see my mum a few times a year, and that's plenty. We have a shit relationship. It sucks majorly.

I got the "silly/stupid mummy" routine from my own mother when I went to stay with her for a week when my son was a month old. I'd gone there because I was struggling with a useless jealous husband and just needed a bit of support, but she made me feel like shite. I managed to mutter something along the lines of "yeah, I'm surprised he's still alive" but generally just took it, because I felt so tired and defeated most of the time.
Shame they don't think before they start slating new and un-confident mothers

YANBU, I find it very irritating when people talk to me through my DC, both my MIL and DH do this eg, did mummy forget the xxxx. I am quite rude tbh as it annoys the hell out of me, I say 'you do know DD is only 17 weeks old and cannot understand you? Did you want to ask me something?'. Its particularly annoying when DH says things like 'is mummy in a bad mood'. So PA.

Something else MiL does is use 'we' instead of 'you' eg what colour are we painting the nursery, what are we going to do about this cough. Think she is confused about who the parents are.

MIL's eh, anyone want mine?? When I was PG with ds2, she would call at 10.30pm to have a chat, one of them she asked if I had got the nappies ready, I told her I had some and would purchase more as and when, she went ballistic at me for using non economical, enviro unfriendly disposable nappies, I told her if she wanted to come and do my washing she was most welcome. On another call (When PG I was already in bed by this time, and she was told that!) she asked if I had much morning sickness, I was a bit smug about this and thought I might at last impress her and said no I had been fine (I really had) she piped up that it meant I would have a horrendous labour as it would all catch up with me. FFS!!!!! Her latest one, is my BF has just had her first DD by ELCS, and even though they have only met twice, MIL announced that BF needs to be watched as she is just the type to get PND. Add to this the cupboards full of out of date food and a house that would look in place n a Life of Grime, I think you get the picture!!