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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think we should have a "rape and sexual assault" section on MN?

61 replies

CailinDana · 14/03/2012 13:32

Of the back of the "We Believe You" campaign would it be a good idea to have a section where people could post about rape/sexual assault without fear that they will be questioned? I have noticed quite a few times that when a poster talks about an assault in the relationships section there always tend to be a few numpties who start asking why they went where they did or why they didn't scream and shout. Such responses must be crushing for someone who has just plucked up the courage to talk.

I am thinking such a section would be predicated on the "We Believe You" idea, in that no victim will be grilled and support will always be given. In fact, it could be called "We Believe You." As such it would have to have strict guidelines and be pretty heavily moderated, and as such might be a nightmare to run. Still it might be worth it.

AIBU?

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 14/03/2012 14:50

Absolutely I Love I took it as a compliment as well Smile (I was pee'd off by an anti-FWR thread at the weekend which has no bearing on this debate - apart from the fact it highlighted how much of a troll-magnet FWR is and it doesn't get that much traffic so damage could be done before anyone got there, so to speak.)

Ruby why do you think that site's been so successful, is there anything you can share?

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 14/03/2012 14:57

How about if there was a way to report a thread, that moved it onto a higher level of moderation?

We know MNHQ can be lightning fast with the big red button sometimes (the Gina Ford thread for example!), so maybe we should be able to read an OP and say; this could get nasty, can you keep an eye on it please?

But like you say, CailinDana, very labour-intensive. I guess they could have back-up from volunteer mods, but that's a massive minefield right there!

Original poster
CailinDana · 14/03/2012 15:24

The reporting sounds like a good idea Boulevard, the only danger being that so many thread get reported that it's out of control. Unlikely I suppose.

Ruby I'd also be interested to know if there are any things about that site that contribute to its success.

OP posts:
Methe · 14/03/2012 15:36

I can't think of a much worse idea to be honest with you. It would attract awful sorts and become wank fodder for perverts, just because a member isn't trolling doesn't mean they are not using it for other vile ways of gratification. How would people gain membership? by giving their crime reference number or teling their story to a moderator? Who's going to moderate the moderator?

I can see why a completely closed and secure group would be useful but that isn't what MN is about, is it.

WorraLiberty · 14/03/2012 15:41

I totally agree with Methe

Nice idea, but totally unworkable.

rubycon · 14/03/2012 16:16

its run by people that have been through it and the other side of the coin is that its for those who are falsely accused of rape and assault. There has only been trouble from users we found out to be the police.

Its heavily modded and apart from a few spats that are pounced on, it provides somewhere for people to get advice quickly.

Not sure why it works - it just does.

justalittleinsane · 14/03/2012 16:20

I think it's a terrible idea.

It will attract all sorts of wierdos - also the restrictions on w

justalittleinsane · 14/03/2012 16:22

I think it's a terrible idea.

It will attract all sorts of wierdos who will get off on it.

Also the restrictions on women involved in ongoing investigations are immense so it has the potential to undermine a case - sadly.

AnyFucker · 14/03/2012 17:09

Great idea but lots of practical problem

Attracting troll-like fuckers being the main one

FWIW, in case anyone hasn't noticed, women who post about this in the Feminism/Women's rights get a huge amount of non-judgmental support. And them dudes are pretty good at getting shot of the derailers/fuckabouts/rape apologists etc

I would encourage people to post there in this instance

fabwoman · 14/03/2012 17:18

I think it is a good idea but it needs careful thought.

It would need to have a different way of notifying MNHQ to a report issue so that it is dealt with as near to immediately as possible.

You should be able to name change but there needs to be a way to check that the person is a genuine poster though that makes things difficult if it is a new person coming here for the first time for help.

I find it really upsetting how some posters really question people who are clearly in shock, fear and worried about what has happened to them.

It has certainly made me think about whether to post things and have chosen not too.

FirstLastEverything · 14/03/2012 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CailinDana · 14/03/2012 17:27

That's my main motivation for wanting it fabwoman. It gets to me so much when I see a poster who is clearly shocked and upset being grilled about the minutiae of what happened to her. Ideally MN should be a place where the "We Believe You" slogan actually means something but given its nature I suppose that's a bit too much to hope.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/03/2012 17:35

The FWR thread has a bit of a rep for being unfriendly, but that is really because they are very robust in challenging these kinds of ill-thought-out and patriarchal bollocky viewpoints

You will never, repeat never see a woman not be believed in that section

justalittleinsane · 14/03/2012 17:49

I think Mumsnet attracts too much media attention for that sort of forum.

Be better to signpost to other, more closed forums and sources of support.

Original poster
CailinDana · 14/03/2012 18:21

So howabout just a thread where people can talk about their experiences?

OP posts:
Original poster
CailinDana · 14/03/2012 18:26

I see that on the main "We Believe You" thread there are a number of posts from people talking about what happened to them, and it's going very well so hopefully that'll be a safe place to talk for a while. For anyone interested the thread is here

OP posts:
NarkedPuffin · 14/03/2012 18:31

It would attract some truly nasty trolls - not just the usual run of the mill misogynist fuckwits.

It's also very true what Pullupapew says. A lot of women don't identify what happened to them as rape, even though it meets the legal definition.

Whatmeworry · 14/03/2012 18:38

FWIW, in case anyone hasn't noticed, women who post about this in the Feminism/Women's rights get a huge amount of non-judgmental support. And them dudes are pretty good at getting shot of the derailers/fuckabouts/rape apologists etc

Agree with AF.

AnyFucker · 14/03/2012 19:48

Cailin, some time ago there was such a thread. The title started off as "small sexual assaults" in response to somebody's horror at the casual sexism, arse-groping, kerb-crawling, flashing etc but it became very long and loads of people got stuff off their chest, often from years ago

it was very useful

I will see if I can find it

AnyFucker · 14/03/2012 19:53

here it is

Original poster
CailinDana · 14/03/2012 19:56

Thanks AnyFucker. I remember that thread. It was heartening to see that so many great posters kept it going in the right vein.

OP posts:
Charbon · 14/03/2012 20:04

Given the frequency of rape and sexual assault and the Mumsnet campaign, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect MNHQ to spend more resources on moderation. Other sites do it and it's a way of paying back the membership for the profits of a site's success. At the moment, it feels as though the site's popularity is only bringing negative things to the membership i.e. site invasions, men masquerading as female posters and stepford wives, all of whom are constantly derailing threads and as we've seen today, promoting awful rape myths to a woman who is in so much pain.

So I think it's a good idea, but only if it was properly moderated and only if it was an automatic banning offence to interrogate a rape victim, try to blame her for what happened or bully her into staying with the rapist.

lambethlil · 14/03/2012 20:05

I've just seen the linked thread. It's chilling. What about an 'underground railway' via PM to off the beaten track? It wouldn't be a 'go to' place for new posters sadly, but could provide a forum.

PullUpAPew · 14/03/2012 20:08

Gosh, I only read the first bit of the thread on 'small' (not small IMO) assaults and it just made me feel so down really. How is this still happening all the time? I have my own catalogue of tales, how can it be like this?

I swear I will raise my two to take so very much care of what they do and how they treat others.

southeastastra · 14/03/2012 20:08

i'm not sure about this, mn seems to becoming more pious to me these days, though i don't think that's the word i mean.

less fun more earnest.

i don't think it will bring much to the website sorry