Sucking up to and fawning over people that seem to have money, AIBU to think it's ridiculous?

[Zingzillarilla]

I've namechanged btw in case I identify myself.

I have found that often people fawn over or suck up to people that they perceive to be well off. For example there is a family at the school my DC go to that seem to be well off; they have built a house to footballers wives proportions, drive a very large, new 4 by 4, and are decked out in expensive clothes. Many people at the school seem very intent on sucking up to the mum as possible. Last year when party invites were sent out for one of her DCs parties, you would think that people had received gold-plated invitations to a garden party with the queen the way that some of the mums were going on about it and were so excited about going round their house. I've heard one or two of the other mums say things like 'I need to keep in with the Smith family, they've got a bit of money' (not their real surname I hasten to add). And there is so much arse licking and fawning going on towards the mum at drop off and pick up it is puke inducing. Constant fawning over her clothes, her hair, her DCs coats, everything.

Another example is someone that is on my Facebook friends list and who is attention seeking and posts details of everything she buys, every holiday they have (statuses about it 2 or 3 times per day in the lead up to the holiday), every weekend away she has, every room they decorate. It's all documented with photos, and constant statuses. And people are literally clamouring to reply to her and to ooh and aaah about her new wellies or her haircut or her dress or her furniture or whatever. She's just been on holiday to what I would call a normal package holiday destination, nowhere particularly expensive or flash, and she had post after post on her wall wishing her a happy holiday. It seems because she flashes things in everyone's faces that everyone wants to stay in with her.

Now I've never been one for fawning. I am who I am and I don't feel the need to try to flaunt things at people or to fawn over others. In fact nothing puts me off a person faster than if everyone kisses their bum!

I have no idea whether either of the examples really are wealthy or not btw, but clearly others think that they are. Has anyone else ever come across the same sort of thing?

I've seen it in our social circle. There was a family very wealthy, all the trappings, but lovely with it, everyone fawning over them, holding them up to high esteem and something to aspire to. Unfortunately their life imploded, they still have the money, but the family is ripped apart. All this outward appearance means nothing.

Another young couple who did hold up the first family as a shining example are kind of leaders of a clique, if we're not friendly with them, we're nobody, I can't be arsed with it all.

People that are flashy often have far less money that you would think.

Exactly, Hammy!

A relative and his wife were a bit like this. Flash house, car etc. They don't seem to have as many visitors since the bankruptcy hearing.

Maybe they're both also really nice and sociable as well?

Yes they do both seem nice Lumpy. But the fawning is more to do with the stuff they have than how they are

Well. In that case people are stupid . But I guess we knew that.

I am the opposite, and have posted about it on here. I'm in the process of making some new friends through dd and was put out to find they all live on the posh side of town. Now I feel really self conscious about asking them back to our tiny house. I'd rather they were all poor like me tbh

YANBU to dislike the fawning if it's over the person's money and not the person.

But you're OP does make you sound a little jel and a bit 12

I have had a couple of mums on playdates ask to look around the rest of my (quite large and nice - probably stands out a bit among most of the school families - but not a stately home or anything) house. I found it odd but am now wondering if it's the aforementioned nosiness about bigger house factor.

There is a couple I know at a sports club we go to who are a lot richer than everyone else, husband is CEO of a glam company, several homes around the world and there is definitely fawning over them going on. And at the same time a fair bit of bitchiness about her, some of which is deserved, as she can be quite a madam, but some of which I put down to jealousy.

The ideal is to be richer than your house, cars and clothes suggest, thereby avoiding the fawning and any jealousy, and leaving you better able to fit in .

OhChristFENTON, nope not jealous at all, just surprised and amused at the shallow-ness of fawning. And sadly far older than 12!

Only kidding zing, I just couldn't resist it.

If, for example, the mum at the school talks to one of the fawners at pick up, they get all excited 'Oh wow, Wealthymum came and talked to me today'.

OhChrist

I seem to be missing how admiring someone's new shoes/DC's coat/choice in floor coverings is fawning? Isn't it simply admiring good taste?

Where I live everyone rents and moving is an annual event so there is a real interest in what you get for your money. Everyone invites you for a nose and I love it

In fact I think being a high end estate agent would be my dream job!

YANBU... My own DM is a total Hyacinth Bucket & always has been. Anyone of 'standing' is greeted with a forced smile and fake voice... 'Air HELLAIR!!!!' But God help them if she is invited round and finds they haven't hoovered under the rugs.

Herroyanotness I wonder if we know the same family the story sounds familiar.

I know a couple of extremely rich families but you wouldn't know it. They drive old cars, have relatively small but nice houses, eat at mid range resturants etc. etc. Then when you get to know them you discover the hundreds of acres of farm land, the flats in London, the private school education for their children, the 12 bedroom house they choose not to live in because its too big for them (they let a charity use it as offices for a few pounds a year) etc. etc. Never judge on appearances they can be very deceptive indeed.

I think too that those that are genuinely wealthy/rich as you've described above, faintpink, would absolutely hate to be fawned over and find it embarrassing and tiresome. Noveau riche that are fawned over frequently lap it up.

" And people are literally clamouring to reply to her and to ooh and aaah about her new wellies ... " etc.
With her posting about everything, I wonder if she is hugely insecure and her friends ooh and aah because they know how much she needs it? Rather than it being 'fawning'.

Personally I find fawning to be an excellent spectator sport . Definitely maks you aware of who's superficial and who's genuine.

That's a very good point, whereyouleftit, and yes it's a good spectator sport isn't it? I do have a chuckle at the fawners but at the same time I find it irritating