Sucking up to and fawning over people that seem to have money, AIBU to think it's ridiculous?

[Zingzillarilla]

I've namechanged btw in case I identify myself.

I have found that often people fawn over or suck up to people that they perceive to be well off. For example there is a family at the school my DC go to that seem to be well off; they have built a house to footballers wives proportions, drive a very large, new 4 by 4, and are decked out in expensive clothes. Many people at the school seem very intent on sucking up to the mum as possible. Last year when party invites were sent out for one of her DCs parties, you would think that people had received gold-plated invitations to a garden party with the queen the way that some of the mums were going on about it and were so excited about going round their house. I've heard one or two of the other mums say things like 'I need to keep in with the Smith family, they've got a bit of money' (not their real surname I hasten to add). And there is so much arse licking and fawning going on towards the mum at drop off and pick up it is puke inducing. Constant fawning over her clothes, her hair, her DCs coats, everything.

Another example is someone that is on my Facebook friends list and who is attention seeking and posts details of everything she buys, every holiday they have (statuses about it 2 or 3 times per day in the lead up to the holiday), every weekend away she has, every room they decorate. It's all documented with photos, and constant statuses. And people are literally clamouring to reply to her and to ooh and aaah about her new wellies or her haircut or her dress or her furniture or whatever. She's just been on holiday to what I would call a normal package holiday destination, nowhere particularly expensive or flash, and she had post after post on her wall wishing her a happy holiday. It seems because she flashes things in everyone's faces that everyone wants to stay in with her.

Now I've never been one for fawning. I am who I am and I don't feel the need to try to flaunt things at people or to fawn over others. In fact nothing puts me off a person faster than if everyone kisses their bum!

I have no idea whether either of the examples really are wealthy or not btw, but clearly others think that they are. Has anyone else ever come across the same sort of thing?

Yes, I have regular dealings with someone like this, hence my username.

YADNBU

I love your username!! I keep away from them too, best way really

Yes, I have my AIBU Hard Hat on, Jajas

I clearly don't know enough rich people as I've not come across this. Thankfully.

Honestly Orm it's vomit inducing. Thank your lucky stars!

The best bit, I find, is that these fawning types are often wrong about who has money and who hasn't. It is impossible for them to understand that someone with an elderly estate car and holey jumpers can have more money than someone who wears designer labels, changes car every year and kitchen every two. It can be amusing watching them suck up to the wrong people.

I don't know many people who do suck up except for two women in the last 10 years. I don't understand what anyone, either side of the relationship, would get from it.

I struggle to imagine that anyone in real life would actually say
"I need to keep in with the Smith family, they've got a bit of money"

Did a real person actually say that without the real response being 'excuse me. Did you actually just say that?"

Yep, someone said that, Pagwatch. Said person is very easily impressed and a social climber.

Keepingawayfromthejoneses I agree, the fawning types are often a bit clueless.

"Keeping in with someone" because they have money is frankly bizarre

But perhaps the "fawning" is simply she has nice stuff?

I know it's bizarre isn't it? that's why I'm so :-0 that it happens. Perhaps it's just that I don't understand all the fawning over stuff. It's not my style. It seems like the woman wants hundreds of comments about it though. Why someone would put a photo of a new pair of shoes they've bought or their downstairs loo all decorated on FB is beyond me.

Maybe and shoot me for saying so she's a nice person. Thats why people respond on Facebook.

But she's probably an absolute cow and has climbed roughshod over the peasants to get where she is

Or summat

Or perhaps she's bored

I get stupidly excited on holiday and bore my slavish followers rigid with multiple shots of Maldives sunsets

They lap it up

the fools

I can understand wanting to nose around the house because I'm a nosey cow, but otherwise, what is the point?? Are they getting so cosy they get named in the will and then planning on bumping the family off?

I have to say, when I go round to someone's large house, I do enjoy a good nose (in a way I don't for houses which are similar to mine). And it's then only polite to say how lovely the house is. But I don't think I fawn.

Actually I've found that round here the opposite is true. I've found it quite hard to make friends locally, as everyone is lovely until they find out where I live, and then they don't want to know. There seems to be an unwritten rule that you can only socialise with people in a similar income bracket. Which sucks. I really don't care about stuff like that, so find it hard to understand why other people do.

Labootin, she is quite a nice person, but I still just don't get the fawning.

I suppose one is either a fawner or one is not and I'm not. I find a lot of the FB fawning is done in an aspirational way.

Hate to mention it, but the Midleton sisters are apparently known as the 'Wisteria Sisters' because of their determined social climbing. Even if you have money it doesn't stop you aiming higher

Aiming higher is one thing, we all want to better ourselves don't we? It's all the oooh-ing and aaaah-ing and the 'oh your dress is so lovely' and 'Oh I love your new kitchen' over and over again that I just don't get

Some people just love to feel 'in' with higherfliers than themselves. No idea why.

We experienced it with a couple who we knew but not particularly well. When we built our house (years of strict financial management and sound investments) and they saw DH driving his brand new car (company car) we suddenly started to get invitations for dinner, suggestions of going on holiday together etc. They are perfectly nice but it was clear that it was our perceived lifestyle they liked. They are materialistic themselves and love to show off new gadges and home furnishings, which is fine, but it's not really where our priorities lay.

Unfortunately for them, we are absolutely not rich. Just very average but good with the money we have. Since they realised this, the invitations have disappeaed again

I think with the first example yanbu.

With the second though, I'm not so sure. I think if you post loads on Facebook about your life, your purchases and your holidays, you'll get loads of people making friendly comments back. Not necessarily fawning. I don't post much on Facebook because I would loathe loads of people wondering what I'm spending, how much holiday cost or so on. Would be mortifying. But thats perhaps because I'm fairly private. I don't really like people knowing the minutiae of my life.

I never post details of holidays because I worry about word getting round that our house is empty. I usually post some holiday pics when I get back, only 20 or so though. The person on FB that I referred to usually posts between 5 and 10 albums of each holiday she goes on

Trash the house while your FB friend is on one of her holidays, having been stupid enough to post about it before leaving town.

I am not a social climber but if anyone has holiday flats in nice seaside resorts, Whitby, Wales etc, that i could use, i could see the attraction of being friends.

If someone has a private pool, i could also see the attraction, not just because they have money, though.

But, it is status by association, that they think they gain.

Nope. And I AM actually friends with a footballer's wife. That sort of thing just does not happen with her (quite the opposite actually - some school mums ignore her and that simply isn't fair as my friend is quite lovely).

But yanbu to think it ridiculous! It is absolutely ridiculous.