am I or is DH over sleeping habits?

[MatchsticksForMyEyes]

DH is a night owl and would prefer to stay up til half 11ish every night. I like to get to sleep around half 10 as I am always the one who gets up with the dc every morning. I don't mind this as DH gets up later and I then go back to bed for an hour at the weekend, so that bit is fine.
He thinks I should be able to get to sleep with his reading light on and pages rustling etc whereas I've told him I need it to be dark and silent for me to sleep.
On the nights where he has decided to have an early night he starts bloody snoring within seconds so almost every night I take myself off to the spare room.
DH has now started muttering about how we should be in the same bed since we are married and says I am selfish for expecting him to go to sleep exactly when I want to.
I think he is selfish for wanting me to stay awake longer than I want to when I'm knackered and put up with sleepless nights listening to him snore when it took me 19 months to get DS to sleep through.

shared beds are vastly overrated. i think many marriages would be happier if twin beds or spare room were used regularly.

We have a mahoosive king-size now, but on our old queen bed, i would regularly go and sleep on the sofabed just so i could wriggle if i needed to etc. DH doesn't care at all! in fact he comes to wake me with a cuddle in the a.m. because he knows i haven't slept well if i go there!

And if i ask him to put the light out, he does it as soon as he gets to the end of the paragraph/chapter!

Your DH is being precious imo, and U.

cant he just come up an hour later?

i also second the ear plugs thing. I wear them, and i still hear the children if they call me, but i dont hear every other snuffle

Interesting that so many people sleep separately from their partners. It works for us but I think it's still a bit of a taboo in our society. Good friend was recently to hear that DH and I sleep separately.

But when we are asleep, we are, well...asleep. So don't really require one another's company.

Hairdryer?

Is yours a gamer too Dorothy? :(

Ah - then he is being a bit unreasonable. Maybe compromise on doing a week of what he wants and a week of what you want (if you can bear it) and see how you both get on/ if you can reach a compromise?

I would also recommend a good quality super king bed if you can afford one (and don't have one already), pref memory foam or latex so it doesn't move much iyswim.

We're lucky enough to have a room each, so he can watch telly at silly o'clock and I can eat chocolate and read rubbish novels. As earlier posters have said, one can always make night-time visits... we've managed two dds and nearly twenty happy years!

YANBU. And sympathy.

My DH and I start getting ready for bed at the same time, but he takes ages faffing around, sitting on the loo for forever etc, and then has to do a load of physio exercises (following accident with a boy-toy two years ago). I wait. I wait some more. I try to sleep. I get angry. I can't sleep. I get even angrier. He gets into bed eventually, and goes straight to sleep and starts snoring. I lie in bed in a RAGE.

I hate sleeping apart but every now and then I do it anyway and it's blisssss. Separate rooms is good for a marriage, now and then, I reckon.

So, anyway, either your DH comes to bed at the same time, or if he wants to come to bed later, but he should do his reading on the sofa and then creep to bed and not disturb you. Or he should get up with the DCs!

Twllbach "DP will often not come to bed till half 11/midnight or later during the weekend. That is fine, it's not an issue me. What does upset me though, is that when he comes to bed he turns the lamp on, which is on my side of the bed. Then he turns the hair dryer on to warm himself up. Normally the noise and the light wake me up enough to break my sleep and make me grumpy. He then falls asleep with the light on, waking me up again, this time enough to have to turn the light off."

WTF you go to bed early and he puts a light on, then a hairdryer! Then leaves the light on? Sounds pretty ridiculous to me, I'd be livid.

I have to be up at 6am to get to work and often march furiously into the spare room to sleep, I'd rather do that than lie awake foaming about DP's hippo impressions/sleeping sounds :)

I don't think it's fair to say it's bollocks that it reflects on the state of the marriage if half of the people in the marriage think it does.

I know it's really important to both DH and me, but especially to him, that we share our bed at night.

If we were regularly sleeping apart I think it would cause distance between us.

PMSL @ going to bed at 11.30 being a "night owl" :o

"Then he turns the hair dryer on to warm himself up."

Sorry, I missed that.

:o

WTF?!

That is seriously weird, not to mention incredibly obnoxious to turn on a hairdryer when somebody else is asleep in the room.

PMSL @ going to bed at 11.30 being a "night owl"

Yes, 11:30pm would be early in our house. :)

And I agree, it is a problem for the marriage if it is a problem for one partner.

Well, I certainly won't be able to sleep until I know more about the warming up with a hair dryer thing....

Seeker - don't you remember the hair dryer thread :)
OPs DP dried himself off with one. Took 45 mins iirc

AThing i think that regularly not sleeping is enough to cause distance between a couple too!

i understand that people have an emotional attachment to the idea of sharing a bed, but sleep deprivation damages physical and psychological health in a v real way. never mind increased risk of accidents etc from nodding off during the day.

imo OP's DH needs to start thinking rationally about what his DW physically needs in order to not snap and murder him one day because she hasn't slept for three weeks. surely he can cope with not sharing a bed if he knows it makes his DW happier and healthier??

oiko

Well he's going to have to give on something.

If he wants them sharing a room he needs to make sure the room is somewhere she can get a good night's sleep.

"OPs DP dried himself off with one. Took 45 mins iirc"

:o

I know half 11 isn't that late, but it is for me when half 6 is a lie in. Half 11 would still be early for him. If he watches tv downstairs it is often 1 when he comes up and announces to me that he's brought me a drink. That makes me want to throttle him!

We are the opposite way round, but I would still say that your DH is being totally unreasonable.

If I want to stay up and read, MN, whatever I do it downstairs - it's a no brainer imo.

I don't get the hairdryer ref. That wasn't my thread.

I am a horrific room sharer. I have the laptop on, tippee tappying away, audiobook on to sleep, restless and insomnia riddled. DH gets a kick in the shins if he dares snore and is banned from spraying his deodorant in the room in the morning time.

We couldnt sleep apart in the same house though, it would just feel odd. Dont mind if we are both or one of us away somewhere, but at home, we share. I'd second the kindle for your OH, earplugs for you and a trip to the GP to check is sinuses.

"If he watches tv downstairs it is often 1 when he comes up and announces to me that he's brought me a drink."

This is not about sleeping habits.

There is something weird going on with someone who comes into a room where someone else is already asleep and starts handing round drinks and warming their arse with a hairdryer.

Why not say to him:

"If you want to share a bed with me, stop being a selfish weirdo and leave me asleep when you come to bed. No more noisy arse warming, no drinks, no reading with the light on. You can either be weird in your own bedroom, or normal and considerate in OUR bedroom."

noisy arse warming.

The hairdryer loving husband isn't mine!

Is Twylbach's DH. Thought mine was annoying! You have my sympathy.

At least, when your DH snores, Matchsticks, you can be glad he isnt using the hairdryer in the night. Every cloud...