to think we did Christmas with his family, shouldnt we do Mother's Day with mine?

[boschy]

The title sums it up really; we went to DH's parents on Christmas Day, had my mother here on Boxing Day - meaning that she was alone on Christmas Day. She she didnt mind, but I know she was a bit low when I spoke to her on Christmas morning. Neither the children nor I wanted to go on Christmas Day, DH said he didnt really care, so we went to show willing to ILs.

Now SIL wants us all to go to hers on Mother's Day, but I think it's my mum's turn.

Mum was invited to Christmas and would be invited to Mother's Day, but she is a) not that mobile these days and in pain - so a 1.5 hour car journey just to go out for lunch and then the same back again wouldn't be a great deal of fun for her; b) really quite deaf so finds some social occasions quite difficult and c) not really that keen on my in-laws (I have sympathy with her).

I've said that everyone is welcome here on Mother's Day - 2 mins from my Mum's so she can come for lunch and go home when she is tired/has had enough. She's 82 and widowed btw.

DH thinks I dont want to go to SIL's just because I am not that keen on his family, and that SIL wants to be the hostess and so we should go. I think his points are right; but also that mine are too - and the fact that neither I nor our DDs enjoyed Christmas day means I have a point.

SIL and ILs have not responded to my suggestion yet... to be honest I couldnt care less about Mother's Day, but DH's family make a big thing about even opening an envelope. DH doesnt, but feels we should humour them - but surely not to the extent that none of us enjoys ourselves, AND to the exclusion of my mother?

Go to your Mums. DH's Mum will at least have SIL so won't spend the day alone, whereas your Mum will. Surely if you explain to the IL's that you don't want your Mum spending the day alone they will understand?

Go to your mum's. Whether you like your in laws or not is irrelevant. You want to spend it with your mum and feel it's her turn this time round so just say so. That's neither rude or ungrateful IMO.

This could however set a precedent that might come back to bite you on the arse in future.

When there are 2 sides in a family there is always going to be someone who doesn't get their own way when things like xmas and mother's day come up!

Why doesn't your husband go see his mum at SIL's place and you have your mum over at yours? It is Mother's Day, not in-laws day, so you should spend time with your mum, especially if she has a rough time travelling and to be fair, she shouldn't have to travel at her age.
SIL should understand that, and if not, tough. That would be a sad day for your mum on her own, when everyone is spending time with their families.

If SIL has plans & has invited people, I don´t really think that you should be trying to "hijack" that tbh.

But, if you don´t want to go, don´t-& just make your own plans to see your mum.

Don´t think that Christmas is relevant either.

You go to your mums.

Dh goes to his mums.

Christmas day at home in future.

Go to your Mum's.

Say you understand they don't want to change their plans (as I bet they won't) but that you're sure they'll understand that you want to spend the day with your Mum and you feel it's unfair making her do a 3 hour round trip at 82 on a day that's for her (and you of course).

go see your mum if your husband really wants to see his mum which is fair enough then he can but go and see your mum on mothers day

Your Sil is seeing her mum its only fair

I agree with other posters, you see your mum, let DH see his mum. Win win!

Go to your Mum's and take your DDs with you. If your DH wants to go to SILs then fine. That way everybody gets to spend Mothers day with their Mum, right?

If your DH cannot see the fairness and logic in that then he is being deliberately obtuse.

You already know the answer to this one. Don't be a doormat!

Umm, aren't you a mother? You want to see your mother on Mothering Sunday and you are a mother so he can grow some ovaries or he doesn't get a vote.

Also - you say your Mum is a widow so I'm guessing your father isn't around any more :(

Therefore I guess you spend Fathers Day with his family? Only fair you spend it with your Mum and with your DC.

Why don't you go and see your mum, and he goes to see his mum? That way everyone is happy, and you both see your respective mums?

It's your Mums turm without a doubt, and as you are the Mother your dh should be most concerned about as your dc are still children, you have the final say over what happens on Mothers day. Just like he has the final say what happens on Fathers day.

I would focus on that instead of the 'your Mums turn because if Christmas' thing, because presumably you will want to spend this Christmas with your mum, and you can't use the same 'turn' excuse more than once.

Oh & Christmas I would spend with your Mum every year if she is on her own-unless there is a sibling to alternate with.

Another one for be with YOUR mum, and as someone else said, it is also your day, so your choice. If you don't see her, you will be miserable and guilty all day. And after all, you are actually inviting them all over to yours on Mother's Day, so no rest for you! If they say no, see your mum, and have your dc with you.

Go to your mums, and at Christmas have her to stay with you and let IL's visit you if they want to.

see your mum

I hate this business of "turns." I think each event should be planned according to the current circumstances. Your mum is alone and has health issues - of course she takes priority for you on Mother's Day. Your dh may feel differently where his mum is concerned, so let him go and spend the day with her.
I had many years where I bowed to everyone else's demands and wishes at Christmas. In a way, I was quite happy to (too bolshy to suffer much in silence!) but nowadays I think ahead what I would like to happen and then set it all in motion ahead of time. Of course, it's much easier if both sets of ILs get along and can be put in the same room without a fight breaking out.

Definitely go to your mums. If DH wants to go to his mums, let him.

sorted! well, kind of... DH has told his parents what we are doing - staying here and having mum round - and that they and SIL and her kids are more than welcome to come here. ILs accepted it ok - now HE has to tell SIL what we are doing. so I guess he will email her as he never rings her - or her him.

Why would he do that when SIL had already issued an invitation?

Why not just decline SIL´s invitation?

I cannot believe that your DH let you leave your 82 year old widowed mother on her own on Christmas Day

Me neither Bonsoir :(

She won't be around for ever (sorry OP) - cherish her and I'm glad you are getting to spent mothering Sunday with her.

Traditionally your DH would go to his mother and you would go to yours of course so actually it's him who is not performing to expectations actually

Yes, I did wonder if OPs mother was on her own all day-which I personally couldn´t do.

My Dad was too ill to travel to us last year so we all went over, I spent the day with my dad & husband & children spent most of it with the ILs.