to not understand the big deal about doing the school run?

[gilbert26]

DS is only 1 so not at school yet. He does go to nursery 3x a week, and dropping him off is fine. We tootle in, I have a brief chat with his key workers, I nod hello to the odd parent, I then go to work. Job done. Why is it so different when it comes to school? Having read a few threads on MN about the school run you'd think it was equivalent to going over the top.

I don't mean to be bitchy about this - but seriously, what is the big deal? Am I overlooking something which is going to come and bite me in 3.5 years time?

I heard on the grapevine (school run starts this sept) its a competetive nightmare! Or... You brassneck it out and dont give a shit one of the two!

I've got one at nursery, which is also fine, and one at school. I think the main thing is that everyone is dropping them off and picking up at the same time, whereas at nursery it's not like that. So if you have a toddler to take along too they get kind of caught up in the crowd. It can also be a bit awkward as you have to wait about in a crowd. I's not the same as going in and having a chat with the key workers either, more of craning round trying to wave at the teacher as they send them over across the packed playground. At the same time as keeping track of the other. Also with a baby, there isn't the whole diplomatics of them wanting to go play with so and so, or dragging you to the swings to play for hours.

I drop and run and say hi too, it's not that different. However, your 1 year old doesn't go on playdates, probably hasn't hit/been hit by anyone yet, excluded from the party everyone is going to, and you aren't new to the area so desperate to make friends/been snubbed by cliques etc.

So similar, but not the same.

Hmm...I don't quite get it either. The big fear/contempt of the school gate mafia and so on.

I'm friendly and pleasant to everyone I come across in the school playground....sometimes stop for a wee chat, sometimes just a quick 'hello!' as I sail past.
I've never had any bother.

YANBU, I am constantly surprised at people going on about the school run, even at the school I take mine to everyday(yr 3 and yr6 so I've been doing it a while!). I have never had a problem and think people who go on about it are being over sensitive.

Keep on as you're going, that's exactly what I do, be nice and pleasant to people and have a brief chat then get on with the day. Why there is so much fuss is beyond me.

It's the rigidity of school - you HAVE to be there at a certain time, every day (no choosing your holiday or a day or a week off....) and then you HAVE to be back at 3pm.

You then hare about to play dates, after school clubs, homework etc before feeding them and getting them to bed. And usually there's more than one child, too. Your time just isn't your own, as although they are at school 9-3, that is in fact a pretty short amount of time and difficult to achieve much in.

That's what I don't like about the school run. Not the other mums and competitiveness etc, that, I think, is overblown, usually it is quite nice to see the kids scootering up the road together and have a quick chat with the other parents.

When they are at preschool they don't have much say in their own lives yet, you drop them off and pick them up and really the worst that might usually happen is that little Johnny snatched a toy off little Thomas. There isn't too much drama.

Fast forward a few years and there are birthday parties (who will/won't be invited and children upset if they weren't), best friends and enemies (Suzie is my 1st best friend, Jenny is my 2nd best friend and we don't talk to Alice anymore), sleepovers and friends over for tea (that mother fed my PFB a pot noodle ). You can be nice, other mums can be nice but things turn into issues and people get their nose bent out of shape over stuff.

Its different from preschool!

Apart from the fact that MN invariably gets interesting at around 2:45 and when you get back, the threads have been deleted?

School-runs are fiiiine. I can only remember one bad one and that was because I had to walk home in a blizzard.

Weeell, in my case it was

1-having to be somewhere on time every morning, whilst dealing with a 3yr old and baby.
2-wrestling dd1 into her clothes
3-trying to get dd2 to come out from under the bed because she didn't want to leave the house, and persuade her she can't wear a swimming costume to school in November
4-changing ds's nappy 5 minutes after we had left the house
5-doing a 20 minute walk with with a buggy, 2 scooters and 3 dcs, one screaming because he didn't want to be in the bugy, 1 crying because her legs hurt, one crying because she doesn't want to go to school.
6-arriving at school 45 minutes later, crowding into classroom with all the other parents and their children, carrying screaming ds in sling, trying to hold onto dd2 making a break for freedom and peel clingy dd1 off my leg to physically hand her over to teacher, who already has 2 children on her knee and is talking to another parent about reading levels.
7-trying to keep head down leaving school with ds and dd2, without being stopped for conversations about how ds is getting on etc
8-crying all the way home.

But things have got better!

the things is at 4ish they are too big to carry/go in the pram but too little not to dawdle or get upset about the weirdest things at the last minute. You can be badgered at 6.30 in the morning for school uniform as he does not want to be late and then witness a child spending 20 mins putting on their shoes between 8.20 and 8.40. You sprint down a hill carrying a younger sister in your arms after a 5 year old on a scooter and then deal with his tears as "you made me fall over mum!".

The only problem I have with the school run is that I go everywhere on foot, and the school is quite far away from the house....so in that aspect it's a pain in the arse.
But socially speaking....nah...don't have any gripes there at all.

If some women parents want to be the 'in crowd' or whatever, I let them get on with it. I have no desire or need to opinionate on that. No-one has ever been rude to me, and I say hello and how's things, to them too! They are always friendly.

From what I've read, it seems to depend on where you live/what sort of school it is/how insecure you are. I'm a little bit insecure, so hated the first few weeks of turning up and not knowing anyone and not knowing whether or not to say hello to strangers just because they were fellow mums. Then I gave myself a stern talking to, reminding myself that I wasn't a teenager anymore, and decided to just brazen it out and say hello to everyone. Now the school run is actually a pleasure, as I get to have a little chat every day, and normally with someone different every day.

Regarding competitiveness, I've never noticed it at our school, and if it was there I would ignore it anyway!

To be honest Gilbert, you sound like you'll be fine :)

Some people (like me) find bg crowds uncomfortable....I always feel like I hAVE to chat even if I look awful or feel knackered....I don't want to most of the time but then standing alone feels odd aswell....I feel scruffy compared to lots of the Mums....it's just not me to dress up in the day yet lots seem to....makeup, dress etc....its at an awkward time aswell.

Come September I'm going to dance the light fandango no more school run EVER! For all the reasons TheExpatWife said

Oh yes, I forgot

9-carrying a scale model of Buckingham Palace made out of boxes on top of the pushchair, and remembering that it is 'bring 10p to school for a bun day' and that we are supposed to have packed a charity shoebox and it is show and tell day etc, etc

I lkike taking them to school, so does dh. I dont understand the school gate hysteria that goes on here, actually I have never heard of it being a problem for anyone outside of mumsnet.

Take them to school, hang about until they go in, discuss weather with random person who happens to be next to you. Reverse for pick up. Tis really not hard :)

If you just want to drop and run / pick up and run then it won't be an issue. We've never had any problems at all.

However if you want to "befriend" the other mothers then it is full of social nuances. There can be a lot of waiting around - particularly at the end of the day. Of course as they get older and you start Clubs, Matches etc then you spend more and more of your time waiting around / watching them play etc so if you don't get on with the other parents it can seem a bit isolating.

It depends on the school, my experience is fine, I just drop and run.

The school up the road is very competitive, and my friend has to worry about what she is wearing because all the mums are immaculately turned out. There is lots of gossip about the childrens behaviour. I'm glad that it's more low key where we are.

It seems, from reading threads on here in the past, that there are mums who see the school run as a way to make friends.
Then they're dissapointed.

All they see are unfriendly people and cliques - when actually it's just people dropping off/picking up their DCs who might stop and chat to someone they know or might not.

It's the sheer tedium of it.

Five days a week for 39 weeks of the year you have to do the school run, then repeat for approximately 7+ years, depending on how many children you have.

It's not like nursery where you rock up, hang up their coat and leave. When it's school you have to remember stuff all the time and there's a bit more time pressure IMO. Also a one year old is easy; if you're running late you just pick them up and go! As they get older they get harder to stuff into school uniform and steer to the car, making sure they have all their stuff and motivating them to get a move on. It's like herding goats.

But I don't get the whole school run fashion show and playground politics, I don't subscribe to that crap.

It does depend on the number of DC you have - with 3 it's been hard over the years but it does get easier as the older two can now finally be relied on to get themselves ready by constant shouted reminders and ETD every five minute countdowns on their own so it's only DD2 I have to help organise - it is the whole pressure of having to get 4 of you out of the door to get somewhere in time when you know you'll be in trouble if they're late.

Ha ha ha ha ha

I used to think the same, OP.

The key is to be prepared. My experience is of being welcomed with open arms by nearly all the other parents in his class, but there were so many invitations to come over to play and have coffee etc etc when I was used to doing my own thing all the time, and found those sort of things highly stressful, that I had to tell people quite early on that it was lovely of them to ask but I just was not very good at social stuff and had too much to do.

Mainly people understood in the end as I am pretty good at the twice a day chatter, as long as that's where it stops iyswim...they know I really like them, and they like me I think, so it's worked out.

I just don't join in the social calendar outside school, and most people do.

I've fallen foul of various gossip-related disasters and also probably managed to get a lot of things entirely wrong, and sometimes it feels like being at school again myself, however much I want to avoid it, but the thing is when you've got to wait in the playground for 10-15 minutes every day at pick up, it's really hard not to talk to anyone, unless you're either foreign without much English or you keep your head RIGHT down and refuse to make eye contact with anyone at all, in which case a lot of people do get the message but maybe think you're a bit odd (that's not what I do but some others do)

It depends how you are socially in general I think...I'm rubbish so it was never going to be straightforward, because it does drag you in and it isn't something you can easily avoid. If you have the skills and detachment necessary then you'll be alright.