to not understand the big deal about doing the school run?

[gilbert26]

DS is only 1 so not at school yet. He does go to nursery 3x a week, and dropping him off is fine. We tootle in, I have a brief chat with his key workers, I nod hello to the odd parent, I then go to work. Job done. Why is it so different when it comes to school? Having read a few threads on MN about the school run you'd think it was equivalent to going over the top.

I don't mean to be bitchy about this - but seriously, what is the big deal? Am I overlooking something which is going to come and bite me in 3.5 years time?

oh God and playdates.

We have only ever done about three. Seriously. Until we got to know a family who lived nearby and then they were at each other's houses all the time.

That was the best way imo.

I don't really talk to anyone, have no social expectations of the school gate, so don't get into the politics. It's bloody tedious and sometimes logistically challenging getting 3 DCs to where they need to be though. I love the school holidays for this reason.

I do what BabyDubs does.

It's sometimes the boredom of hanging around that gets to me. I've been arriving later recently though to avoid this!

Never noticed any problems, either this time or with DD (and she's been to many schools!)

Can I be a bit gushy though and say a brilliant part of school run time is when DS comes out, scans the playground, sees me, and beams.
Awesome!

He is only in reception though- I know it won't last long

Maybe it's a concern for those people who worry about what other people think of them?
I don't give a thought to it myself. I'm quite scruffy and chaotic and couldn't care less what any other mum in the playground thinks of that. I don't imagine they think anything particularly....but if they do, then I don't mind or know about it so it doesn't bother me.

The school up the road is very competitive, and my friend has to worry about what she is wearing because all the mums are immaculately turned out. There is lots of gossip about the childrens behaviour

Hmm...your friend doesn't HAVE TO worry about being immaculately turned out tbh...the fact that she does worry or even feels she must keep up, is her problem I'd say.

Our school is the snootiest in the area I suppose, but I don't give a shit because I have better things to get angsty over.

You are DEFINITELY not being U. It is not a big deal. I do two schools on different sides of town daily.

Don't ever go to S&B and read the threads about the perfect school run coat, shoes etc. You'll lose the will to live.

Pictish you've just reminded me of the worst thing, that is in fact the way people do gossip so badly.

It's horrible.. You can know someone and think they are great and then they start telling you about so and so whose marriage is in tatters and has some mental health issues, and you think, Fucks sake, what are you telling the others about ME?!
And of course you don't pass it on because that's not nice and you've no interest in it anyway, you don't even know the people they're on about.
But the next time you see these poor people you can't help feeling horrible that you know all about their marriage.

It requires a bit of two facedness which I absolutely hate. And I know as soon as people had been to our house for a party for ds, they all talked about it, and formed their opinions of the state of my life and general housewifely skills, of which I have none

But you have to keep your chin up and pretend they are NOT talking about it, and accept their two facedness and keep turning up to school every day knowing in your heart that they are furiously disapproving.

That's awful.

Ignoring the school playground politics thing (because I do ignore all that, lol)

there's about 320 pupils in DD's school, all trying to get in and out at the same time with an adult as well...through a gate which at a push lets out 6 people at once onto fairly narrow pavements and a road with no parking.

I'm walking distance, fairly easily, but you still get caught up in it and you're quite often trying to get there by an exact time with a small unco-operative person in tow.

If you're coming from somewhere else either in the morning or to pick them up, you're then trying to get to your school not just at the exact same time as the people from your school but at the exact same time as every school age child in the county is trying to get to their school.

One of the great advantages of working, is you throw your children through the gates in the morning & hurtle off at speed to try and get to work in time. In the afternoon, someone else picks them up at 3.30pm or you pick them up from after school / homework club & thereby avoid any further interaction!!!!

I know a tiny handful of people at the school, I help out occasionally if there are weekend activities - but even then I am spared most attempts at long chats because I don't know anybody. I have no idea of any of the gossip, politics and honestly couldn't tell you what anyone wore, because I am always in such a rush in the morning. It could be martians dropping their kids off at the same school & I wouldn't notice!

I don't think it's a huge issue, but it is a different kettle of fish from nursery. You have to be at school with exactly the right combination of uniform, PE kit, reading book, homework folder, permission slips, random bits of cash, possibly musical instruments, every day. And you have to be there at exactly the right time, twice a day, even if your younger pre-school aged children have decided to take off all their clothes when your back is turned / throw a huge tantrum on the way to school so that you have to physically drag or carry them / throw up all over you while you are on your way out of the door / etc. on top of motivating your school-aged child to actually get his arse in gear rather than spend 15 minutes putting his shoes on.

Aye - I suppose I've been relayed some juicy nuggets about other mums in the past, during a gossip chat...but in all honesty, I take everything I hear with a pinch of salt because there's not a one of us the perfect mother or family. No-one has the monopoly on how other people should conduct their lives, so it pretty much goes in one ear and out the other with me. I nod along, make a few polite I'm listening noises, then forget all about it.

I was the subject of some speculation last year because I was the first mum in the year to let my eldest son walk to and from school unaccompanied. Some disapproved of that and I know I was slagged off discussed regarding my decision.

Again - I didn't care. It's my decision and I was confident about it, so meh...let them bitch.

They are all still dead friendly to me though, so for the purposes of picking up my younger children, that's fine.

Bovvered?

Its having to drag the tantrumy three year old up the hill while pushing the baby in the pushchair and discussing year 1 politics with the six year old, and then repeating the whole thing 7 hours later EVERY day.

i find nursery easier, as I have a bigger window in which i can arrive - early or late depending on how things are going.
at school, the gates open at 8.55 and shut at 8.57, so it's harder to get right.

no idea about gossip/dress code though. i participate in neither.

Done the school run for 4 Dcs for in total 15 years and now do them as a cm for a further 4!!!

It's ok, pain in arse parking so I walked for older ones,Mile each way, just have to get on with it but a big massive pain in rain or snow, lovely in summer sunshine.

I am quite an introvert and this is fine. However the school run has brought it all into very sharp relief. Previously I could truthfully say that I was largely happy. Now I am aware of all of these cliques of (very nice) women that I am not a part of and it makes me feel lonely. I hate the school run because of the sense of crushing isolation it creates for me, not because of anything that anyone else has done.

i find it annoying because i have 3, and i have to get from one nursery over the other side of town, to my sons school, in a short space of time, and i always have complaints and whinging on the way home from at least one of them. It always feels like a bit of a nightmare

I don't know what we are talking about here really, so maybe I should not post :o

but is the problem with the school playground politics or what?

for me it's getting three different children ready for three different schools at three different times. Luckily two go in on seperate transport but the first one is picked up at 7.40am and she has severe sn so it takes me an hour to wash and dress her and then give her her medicine etc. The other older one is very independant so does get dressed himself etc, just has to be reminded to take this/that/the other and brush his hair and teeth. then the youngest needs more reminding

There are 1200 pupils at the dc's primary.
The only hassle I find is crossing the road ( in Dubai pretty much everyone has a 4x4 and the crossing man was run over last week)

other than that.. Nod .. Smile .. Grab your children and go

Sorted

As I work from home I quite like talking to people at the school gates. But the tediousness of it all gets to me. When they were at preschool they didn't go everyday and it didn't matter if they were late. With school you have to have lunches ready, homework done, reading done, uniform ready, spellings learnt, forms in for trips etc. If you forget anything like fancy dress days or bring in cakes days then you spend the whole day feeling guilty for your child!!! However, at least I can get my work done in school hours now and don't have to work at night anymore. Also, mine are at the same school so much easier than last year when I had school run and preschool at different places and different times.

For some, the school run is like their major social event of the day. It really matters to them.

There are parents at my dcs school who are still there, chatting away in the entrance hall at 10.30am.

And for these parents, they are very cliquey and can be bitchy. I'd just avoid. Kiss and drop your dcs.

been years and years since i did any shool anything but idont see what the ho ha is , I went dropped them off said hi/bye/howare yi and went home repeat at 3 pm

I've been doing the school run for years and was completely oblivious to the big fuss about it until I started seeing all these threads on Mumsnet.

It really is no biggie. I cannot help but think that people who create a drama about the school run are either paranoid or have a genuine social phobia.

I don't get it either tbh

I have made one or two good friends at the school gate. Half a dozen more I would stop and chat to. Loads more I wave and greet.

I don't understand how or why it's so competitive or intimidating.

The only thing I struggle with is the unremitting nature of it. And the rigidity. But other than that it's not a biggie

Im not really social in the way some of the parents were I was friends with 1 or 2 mums the rest i was friendly with so maybe thats how i coped and didnt get into it all , on another thread about this I did say 1 mum did bug me with her snubbing of me after knowing her for 10 years still snubs me and gawd knows what i did to offend her

I think it depends, if you are shy and hate crowds of strangers then it would be a bit of a nightmare for you. Some people hate turning up and standing on their own when 'everyone else' is talking to someone...I am the sort of person that will sit at the bar on my own and wait for everyone else to arrive so I'm more than happy to stand and look like billy no mates.

Then you have that funny thing where someone says hello to you one day but 'ignores' you the next...that bothers some people (usually you are probably not being ignored but the ignoree is simpley having a bad day and hasn't noticed you.

Then you might chat with another mother who walks home the same way as you only to discover that her DC is nasty to your DC in the playground and your DC (quite understandably) doesn't want to walk home with them.

Worst of all though I think (as a SAHM anyway) is the claptrap that HV's and other well meaning friends spout about your DC starting school being the perfect opportunity to make lots of new friends, you can turn up all expectantly only to discover it's not as easy as that. I see the school run like I saw my job, you need to do it, the objective (in this instance) is about making sure the DC's have good school experience, if you make friends in the process then bonus, if not, never mind.

...mind you I would probably find it odd if someone repeatedly ignored me even though she'd known me for 10 years mrsjay, some people are odd!