Is it unreasonable to stop ex seeing kids if .......

[Mrbojangles1]

Following on from another thread just wondering what everyone's views are

A lady said her ex would not provide her with an address and she was happy with that, my ex has in the past done the same also wouldn't give over phone numbers so I decided that until he was willing to give his address and phone numbers it was not reasonable for him on any one to have my child with out me being able to contact them.

In my view my doing this he was either being obstructive or had somthing to hide.

Not a issue now son would old enough to give me the address himself now just wondering that's all

Just-how can a resident parent take this stance, without good reason?

The non resident parent has the right to know where their children are living, unless there has been DV and can easily find out, if they share PR.

The court system allows the tracking of children, it may not be a quick process but it is there, if needed.

The point is that the best interests of the chid should be parmount and the removal of children is not in their best interests.

my ex would not give me his phone number just to be more of a twat than he already is, but I don't think its a good reason to not allow him to see his children. I do have an email address for him and they go straight to his phone.

It just means, as another poster has said, if one of the dc is in an accident I cant contact him unless I am at home and can email

If a DC is at a sleepover, then PR lies with an absent parent - when a DC is with a parent with PR, then that parent can legally act entirely independently from the other; a NRP is not answerable to a RP, whether or not a Court Order is in place.

If a parent is unable to take over care of their child due to emergency illness/accident, then the child is safe in the care of a parent with PR; there is no urgency to return the child to the incapacitated parents care, (only to be handed over to a third party) surely?

I understand that there is an level of emotional comfort in knowing that you can get hold of the adult who is responsible for your DC at all times, and I think this outweighed the practical aspect of the argument.

My DD is regularly left in the care of her Dads family members/friends who I have no details for and am unable to contact. I have to trust that should an emergency occur and they are unable to contact him, they will contact me instead. I can't influence what he does when he is responsible DD - we each have to trust the other.

No removing children is not in their best interests, but neither is a parent, be that RP or NRP, using their child as a pawn.

But NADM, if the RP is unable to take the children back at the correct time, surely they need to be able to contact the NRP to tell them so? So that the NRP can make arrangements to either continue to care for the child themselves while whatever emergency is resolved, or to pass the care to a 3rd party from either side. If they cannot be contacted, the NRP won't know there is an emergency in the first place.

To clarify, I am referring to someone who refuses to divulge contact details, doesnt allow ex to knock door (by creating terrible scenes in front of DCs).

The DCs in this case have been arranging their own contact since the oldest was 7. Refusal to communicate being a very effective tool. In case of emergency, the police would have to be involved to contact the mother.

Makes me glad my DCs dad and I have a much more amicable arrangement.

But the non resident parent does know where the children go to school?

The children's home address could be found very quickly,in the case of an accident and barring SN, the child would know their address and full name over the age of 7, so slightly different.

There must be some knowledge for contact to go ahead and if there were any concerns, as said SS could find the details within half an hour.

TIEVNG - the NRP would soon realise something was wrong if the RP didn't answer the door, or wasn't at the pick up point, wouldn't they? And no doubt, they would call the RP to find out what was going on?

These are adults, that have care of DC's - if they can't problem-solve and deal with the unexpected without having their hand held and being spoon fed, then are they really suitable to be responsible for children?

But I was making the point if an RP can do it, so can an NRP, it wouldnt be a reason to remove the DCs from an RP and it shouldnt be a reason to stop contact with an NRP.

Its just examples of parents acting like fuckwits for no good reason, and both parents acting like it, is even worse for the children.

But hang on, surely if the NRP is allowed to refuse to give contact details to the RP, the RP is equally allowed to do so? Or is only the NRP afforded the right of privacy?

justalittleinsane sadly, reading all the potential problems that other parents have, it makes me glad my son's father hasn't shown any interest in him whatsoever .

Im not sure who you are posting to thisis, I dont think either parent should be allowed to refuse contact information (other than in cases of DV, etc).

Sorry, it was to NADM.

folkgirl Thankfully, I think most people are like my ex and I, we muddle along trying to do the best for our DCs, with their interests at heart, having accepted we may not be "together" but we are still "parents", I like to think most parents are like this, its just the ones who rub along relatively well, dont need to post on internet forums, bit like most news being reported is bad news.

Just-the RP cannot hide the childs home address from authorities, that is the difference. If the NRP cannot knockon the door that is different from knowing where the door is.

The point is that the children's home addresss can be easily found and when the child is in school the NRP who shares PR can get school reports, so there is a way of contacting the RP in the case of an accident.

In the case of a NRP, the RP is stuck without up to date details and there is no reason as to why this should be.

This is Extremely ....
I think the point is that:
a. Both parents should have contact number/address for other parent
b. Sometimes both or one parent may not want to devulge that information
C. it could be out of spite or awkwardness or they may have genuine reasons befind why they dont want to give out that information.
d. if NRP can be refused access if not giving information then the same would be to remove children from RP for not giving information (that is not what has been sugested but just given as an example).
e. Generally courts/solicitors think both parents should make this information available unless valid reason. However, if you have a phone number - you have a way of contacting. So sometimes addresses are not madatory if it goes to court.

The NRPs address is also easily av. to authorities, it wouldnt be hard for the police to track and NRP if they had to, with name and DOB. School reports (at least here), do not carry details of addresses.

And when school is closed??

Its simply not right for either parent to do it, smacks of game playing and not being respectful of at least a minimum working relationship between parents being best for DCs

excellent summation latemates

No, I get the point I was responding to NADM who said that if the RP didn't have a contact number for the NRP this was fine because the NRP would be able to contact the RP when required. What if the RP doesn't want to give a number to the NRP? They just suck it up? Why the double standard? Refusing to give, at the very least, a contact number to your child/ren's other parents is childish and unnecessary, on both sides. If your XP/H is abusive, keep a cheap PAYG for them only.

The NRP address may not be, if they have not long left the family home.

From a safguarding issue, the NRP non contact details, is the one that would cause problems. So to suggest removal is ridiculous.

I think that both sides should have each others details.

But under the law the resident parent has a duty to keep the child from harm, if the NRP will not give contact details, that could be considered not in the childs best interests, so contact could be stopped,unless the child was taken to the grandmothers etc and contact happened there.

Completely and utterly agree with ThisIsExtremelyVeryNotGood.

Anything else is ridiculous game playing, imo.

I've had to deal with my ex for a long time now. He's trustworthy, and a good father - there is no way I would allow him to take my ds anywhere without a contact phone number - because he would only be doing it to be a dick.

I had this situation once, where ex refused to give me a working phone number. He also was not where he said he was going and ds was far too young to tell me (about c.15 months) because one day they were going to the local swings and I followed with ds's forgotten coat, and no sign whatsoever of them.

I did get very upset about this and he stopped coming to take ds out, didn't see him again for 6 years. He's still very very under-involved but at least I know where ds is now, as ex only ever comes to see him when I am there so he doesn't have to put in any effort

Agree with latemates.

I don't think you are unreasonable. I am clear with my ex that if he isn't prepared to tell me where he is taking her, and to provide a landline if at all possible, I do not agree to my daughter travelling with him. I am quite happy to justify my position to a court. As I have never used his contact details to harrass him, he has no reason not to provide them. If anything happens to either one of us we need to urgently let the other know. It is basic parenting.

If the NRP goes to the drop off point and the RP isn't there in a short space of time, then they could phone the police and within 15 mins the home address would be found and SS would get involved to sort the mess out.

If the NRP doesn't drop the children off, it could take days to track them.

That is the difference.

If the NRP has any concerns they can phone SS who will do a home check, the RP wouldn't have that advantage.