to think that fil was out of order

[annoyeddil]

DP and I went out for lunch today with ds age 4 and MIL and FIL. When our food arrived the waitress asked if we wanted ketchup for ds and I said no because he was having a roast dinner and I wouldn't normally give him ketchup with that. Fil ignored me and said yes ds did want some. I ignored this.

The ketchup arrived and FIL said ds could have it and in the end, for the sake of peace, I said he could have a little and told him that I'd put it on the side of his plate. While I was talking FIL instantly leaned across the table, grabbed the bottle fro my hand and said loudly over the top of me 'this is what you do with it' and put great globs of ketchup all over ds's roast dinner (and also over the table so that ds could put his arms into it).

DS was happy but I wasn't for 2 reasons. 1) I don't want him to eat ketchup with every kind of food and 2) I don't think FIL should undermine me as a parent.

I'm already aware that MIL and FIL don't like me very much and regard me as aloof and snooty which is why I didn't make a fuss at the time but I'm not happy aibu?

Birds I do see what your saying, and yes her ds wanted ketchup but do you not think it was rude of him to snatch it out of her hand? I think that's the bit that would have bothered me most

He shouldn't have snatched, no.

Personally i wouldn't bother with all the passive aggressive stuff suggested.

I would try to open up the lines of communication and find common ground, it doesn't sound as though the OP sees them as family, which they are.

It is important for the DS to have family that at least can get on, the atmosphere that most are suggesting creating, is very unhealthy for children to grow up with.

I agree Birds.

But it is NOT the OP's fault and why the hell should she put up with rude, shittu behaviour? Op, listen to the majority of the people on here who are talking sense and who are telling you NOT to put up with this.

FIL sounds like a childish oaf. I'd have told him this.

Your fil sounds like someone I would not enjoy being around. One, he undermined you. Two, what if your ds didn't like ketchup all over his dinner? I wish that he didn't, just to put your fil in his place. I would not have liked that as a child (or now) and I would have not been able to eat my dinner.
I think you could tell your ds ketchup is full of dead flies (true fact)to put him off it, for next time your fil tried to be the big man!

iscream that is an interesting link.

I agree with the undermining being the main issue. Though the lack of table manners is pretty horrible too.

My MIL is staying with us at the moment and I know she disagrees with some of my parenting. She does make the odd snide remark to my teenagers- like "ignore your mother fussing". I am trying to ignore it but it is hard. I have certain rules which we all live by when she isn't around, but she doesn't like them or understand the reasoning behind them (even though DH and I tell her). It does make the visit a bit fraught.