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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that swim teacher is being unfair?

41 replies

MamaMaiasaura · 10/03/2012 10:22

Ds2 had his 4th lesson this week. He's 4y2m so still at preschool 3 days a week. He also has some extra needs. On his first lesson he was last for everything and kept moving away from wall and wanting a go sooner. Also he cried as teacher couldn't understand him (some of his speech clarity). He was also sent out to wipe a bogey. Did speak to teacher to let her know he's under speech and language and also that he's 4 and not yet at school (unlike the other children). He's very keen to swim and we decided to strike when iron is hot. Second lesson much happier, he went first, middle, last but enjoyed it. Third lesson (we weren't aware till afternoon), he was poorly. He got out of pool once and wasn't patient at waiting. He was last every time. This week he waited by wall, didn't try and push in and didn't climb out. He was last, despite being in right place and ready. At the end he didn't get a play either, as he was waiting for her to let him. Dh asked why and her reason was because he climbed out last week he's last. Basically punishing him. :( I'm (probably unreasonably) crying at injustice. That a grown up holds a grudge against a 4 year old.

OP posts:
Moveslikejagger · 10/03/2012 10:25

I think you need to toughen up a bit. Smile

Original poster
MamaMaiasaura · 10/03/2012 10:29

I spoke to swim manager. She was not happy either and surprised. Will move his slot when space available. He isn't pfb and ds1 been trough swimming lessons. When I say se left him to last, it was obviously and pointedly ignored. And she admitted it was too. Sorry drip feed, trying to feed dd whilst typing on phone. And when it wasn't his turn very little positive encouragement

OP posts:
LeeCoakley · 10/03/2012 10:29

Turn-taking and listening to instructions are essential skills to learn. If he was just allowed to do whatever he wanted, why shouldn't the others? It would turn into a free for all. Swimming teachers are well-known for being brusque. Grin

scurryfunge · 10/03/2012 10:30

He sounds a bit young for those sort of lessons- just take swimming yourself, he will enjoy it more and his confidence will grow.

Dottymcdot · 10/03/2012 10:34

Unfortunately the swimming teacher is responsible for all the children in the lesson. She needs to be strict so that she knows that none of them is going to do anything that will endanger their lives or that of one of the other children in the class. She is also obligated to provide a lesson for all of the children in the class.

However I would feel sad about this too. Perhaps the teacher should have given DS2 a warning about what might happen. If you are really unhappy could you see how much one to one lessons would cost and perhaps use the money already spent on the group lessons for that? My DD1 had issues with one of her teachers and I considered this, obviously the one to one would be more expensive so you could perhaps do every other week?

PeahenTailFeathers · 10/03/2012 10:34

I'd have thought that the swimming teacher should be more interested in rewarding his good behaviour than being a cow to a 4 year old over something that happened the week before. He learnt to wait his turn, she should learn to be fair.

Original poster
MamaMaiasaura · 10/03/2012 10:35

Absolutely turn taking, is excellant to learn, but last every time?

I have 4 month old so hard to take him swimming but I think I will try.

OP posts:
Bucharest · 10/03/2012 10:36

Swimming lessons IIRC last, in general about 30 mins.

Sorry to be harsh,but maybe the instructor left your son till last so he wasted less of the other children's 30 mins this week than he did last?

If he has problems fitting in with the group, then yes, move him. Dd was in a class briefly with a little boy who was clearly much younger than the other children in the group and it was a waste of everyone's time because the teacher had to concentrate so much on the smaller child's behaviour that the others in the class were just left by the side of the pool.

Original poster
MamaMaiasaura · 10/03/2012 10:37

One to one sounds like a good idea. And as its 21 a month for 30 min with class of 6, might make better economic sense too.

OP posts:
Dottymcdot · 10/03/2012 10:37

From your second post, this does not sound great. Moving lessons sounds like a good idea.

Original poster
MamaMaiasaura · 10/03/2012 10:38

Bucharest, but he didn't, he waited patiently this week.

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaMaiasaura · 10/03/2012 10:41

That's what I thought peahen

OP posts:
geniuswater · 10/03/2012 10:51

I don't think you are being unreasonable he is only 4 and she is being way too mean, each week should be treated as a 'new start' at that age and her behaviour could put him off learning to swim. It saddens me to read that people say you should 'toughen up', swimming is supposed to be fun for him and she will dent his confidence at a really important time when he is only just starting out. I would change as soon as another teacher free and keep praising him yourself - letting him know that you noticed his good waiting in turn etc, hopefully she might be nicer to him next week.

Original poster
MamaMaiasaura · 10/03/2012 10:54

Thank you genius. I've just looked up and 8 week block is 128 for 1-1 session. I need to find out if slots are available for him. Then perhaps he will be at a more confident level to go in to group sessions.

OP posts:
ragged · 10/03/2012 10:54

I think he sounds too young, fun swims would be better for now. What about his other parent taking him?

treadwarily · 10/03/2012 10:59

One to one sounds great if you can afford it.

30mins is actually bloody long for a 4yo's swimming lesson. I know it's normal but it's too long. The good schools in Australia (swimming champs) do 15mins one to one.

Thing is with swimming lessons, you have to get it right from the start. If they get scared/put off, it's bloody hard to get them to comply again.

Good luck with the new arrangement.

FilterCoffee · 10/03/2012 11:06

Agree one-to-one would be a better idea.

Sarcalogos · 10/03/2012 11:07

Google swimming teacher qualifications and you will discover how easy they are to get and how they don't need renewing often/ever.

If you are not happy move your son, many swimming teachers are great, but not all.

Smellslikecatspee · 10/03/2012 11:24

I think you need to move him, while giving a punishment for poor behaviour is fine and doing so to ensure safety is also fine; expecting a 4 year old to 'remember his poor behaviour last week and associate that with punishment given this week is crappy

Hes 4 ffs and anyone dealing with that age group should be able to realise that he wouldn't remember/understand.

One to one sounds like a good idea and more fun for him. At least if it's 1-2-1 he still associate swimming with having fun.

breatheslowly · 10/03/2012 11:29

We took DD to some lessons (booked and paid for a term) but the teacher was so unpleasant that we only took her to 2 of them and just cut our losses. Swimming teachers seem to be very variable and the qualifications are not necessarily specific to teaching children, so dealing with a 4yo might just not be in this teacher's repertoire. That said, I wouldn't expect a swimming teacher for any age group to hold a grudge, she sounds a little bit loopy.

WorraLiberty · 10/03/2012 11:33

I think if at all possible, either you or your DH should take him.

Swimming should be fun which is probably why he liked it in the first place.

If this carries on, all the fun will go out of it and you'll probably be left with a child who can no longer stand it.

If he's taken as regularly as possible, it's amazing how they kind of teach themselves to swim with just a little bit of encouragement.

callmemrs · 10/03/2012 11:38

Sounds like a mismatch between the child and the type of lesson tbh. A 30 minute very structured swimming lesson will be exactly right for many children. If your son isn't coping because of his age and needs then it doesn't necessarily mean the instructor is doing anything wrong- its more that your ds needs are not well suited to it. Having to get out to wipe his nose if it's snotty is perfectly reasonable- no one wants snot floating round the pool. If he took up a lot of the instructors time due to not listening well or not taking turns then other parents might start to feel aggrieved.

Original poster
MamaMaiasaura · 10/03/2012 13:56

Thank you all. I've spoken to swim coordinator and from next sat he has 1-1 sessions for 2 week trail. If ok that after Easter will have 6 week of 1-1. Only 16 a session so not too steep and hopefully he will love it.

Re other teacher, she's says my ds told her "I like my own space" what I expect he was saying was "I like all about space", his fav topic. Anyway, she now says that's why she leaves him on his own.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 10/03/2012 14:11

I wouldn't be a swimming instructor for all the tea in China. Loads of kids in a noisy echoey pool, with the constant danger of drowning? Hell. Swimming teachers have to be no-nonsense because if they're not things can go bad very quickly. It sounds like your DS wasn't really able for the group sessions, 1 to 1 is a good idea.

monstermissy · 10/03/2012 14:12

my four year old is in a group with older children as he moved through the early stages quite quickly, he tends to get left to sit on the steps while the swim teacher deals with the others. Trouble is he is very little and cant stand up in the same level of water as the others so has to be further abit further down the pool. I just tell him to go and enjoy a splash about and if he learns something thats a plus. I dont think little ones mix well in swimming with the older ones its too much for the teacher. Have also been thinking of 1-1 lessons as he is starting to moan about going and i dont want to put him off. I hope he gets on well with it :)