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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mothers day - feel a bit let down

54 replies

Cumberbatched · 10/03/2012 07:08

Just found out that dh has decided he will go for a "start of season" cricket nets session on Mothers day, from 11-3. Including travel time he will probably be away 10-4 at a bare minimum. It's a local village team.
I only found out when FIL, who was visiting, mentioned it. He didn't know that I didn't know, so dropped dh in it. Dh was there and looked a bit sheepish but has not mentioned anything further. I guess he's waiting for me to bring it up.
I have four dc's ranging from 12 years to 8 weeks old. One has Aspergers.
I will be left to look after them alone while he plays cricket.
My mother died several years ago, my side of the family live at the other end of the country so a day visit to them isn't practical. We will probably go over to the inlaws at tea time, as will the rest of dh's siblings.
I'm not expecting cards and gifts, but I feel a bit upset and let down that he can't spend the day with us. But if I kick up a fuss now and dh cancels his nets, I end up looking petty.
Just feeling a bit sad about it really. Am I expecting a bit much?

OP posts:
Wretched · 10/03/2012 07:13

Yanbu. I'm cooking mothers day lunch for MIl and GMIL and I have an 8 week old baby too. Plus another dd. wouldn't hurt for them to do something for me but hey oh, they will just sit getting pissed and cutting up FIL food for him and fetching him beer Confused

alorsmum · 10/03/2012 07:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CailinDana · 10/03/2012 07:14

It depends on what he is like normally. Mother's Day is just a random day picked out by card companies in order to increase their sales. I know it's a let down if you want it to be recognised and it's not but I would say if DH is normally a kind, supportive husband then I would probably let it go.

What would bother me is the fact the he knew about it in advance and didn't tell you.

ripsishere · 10/03/2012 07:15

Maybe maybe not. You seem to have a lot invested in mothers day. For me, it's just another Sunday. Is it this week?
If your DH is normally thoughtful, I'd let it slide. Don't make a big thing about it, but by the same token, don't be all mopey and martyrish.
Can you have a nice family day the Sunday before or after?

CailinDana · 10/03/2012 07:15

Wretched - where will your DH be?

troisgarcons · 10/03/2012 07:15

I never quite get the hype of Mothers Day - is your family so awful that this the only one day a year that you feel special? If not and they are pretty much a decent sort, then YABU.

But then I don't get Fathers day, Valentines Day etc etc either.

I'd rather be round people who value me all the time than think one day a year is the norm

fullofregrets · 10/03/2012 07:18

YANBU.
Last year DH got out of bed at 1pm and then trotted off to mil's, taking DS with him and I cleaned the house.
I suspect this year will be much the same.

PoultryInMotion · 10/03/2012 07:24

Well...sitting on the fence a bit here. DH has always had to work on mother's day, and doesn't usually get finished on time (chef) so I've always been on my own all day. For various reasons I haven't seen my mum the past few years on mothers day (this year she is going to the football with DB).

It doesn't really bother me to be honest, like Trois we don't really 'do' it. DH is very good at showing his appreciation on other days of the year so it doesn't really bother me. Perhaps your DH knew the date but didn't register it was mothers day until FIL mentioned it? Or maybe he just really wanted to go? You could always shift mother's day to another day?

DialMforMummy · 10/03/2012 07:31

I am with Troisgarcons. I could understand why you'd be pissed to look after the DC without it being discussed but for the mother's day thing I think YABU, it a marketing thing. A nice marketing thing, but a marketing thing nonetheless.

lesley33 · 10/03/2012 07:32

Agree with poultry. I think it is lovely when dcs are small and give home made cards and/or gifts. That is special. But I am very meh about the rest of it. I don't havea problem with the rest of the day being an ordinary one.

However to you it is ibviously special. To talk to your DH about this and how it could still be special e.g. could he and your kids make you a simple meal for tea?

inmysparetime · 10/03/2012 07:32

Can't he take a couple of the DCs with him to the cricket? Or get his parents to watch them for a bit?
I agree he won't have remembered it was mother's day though, I keep having to check as it's a movable feast.

Northey · 10/03/2012 07:35

Mothering Sunday predates card companies and the world of marketing! It isn't made up for their purposes, and you are utterly reasonable to feel as you do, OP.

DorisIsWaiting · 10/03/2012 07:39

What do you normally do for father's day? If he normally gets a lie-in and treated then he should be returning the favour. With small children (particularly an 8 week old !) he should not be unilaterally taking a whole day away without at least giving you the courtsey of discussing it first. It is not a game day the team will not suffer if he is not there.

tbh I think even without the Mother's day aspect he's being a selfish Knob, add that in and he's a shitty selfish knob. Personally I'd have words.

CoffeeDog · 10/03/2012 07:46

DD having a birthday party on mothers day ...if your in Surrey come join us ...
Kids of all ages and plently of mums to have a rant with... there will be nice bicscuit and food wine for the grown ups :)

Glittertwins · 10/03/2012 07:53

I'm 50/50 on this. I don't mind it going unnoticed but we only have 2 children and neither have Aspergers so I'm in a different position to you
Mothers Day goes way back, it's not a "Hallmark Holiday" like Fathers Day, created in the name of equality. I'm shuddering at the sight of Teachers Day in the card shops....

somewherewest · 10/03/2012 08:01

Wretched WTF? With an eight week old? Seriously?Your MIL should get off her arse and wait on you hand and foot.

YANBU if Mother's Day is important to you and he knows it.

TrollopDollop · 10/03/2012 08:02

YANBU.Partly because it's mothers day but mostly because he didn't tell you.

nappymaestro · 10/03/2012 08:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greythorne · 10/03/2012 08:09

YANBU

But who says mothers' day has to be next Sunday?

Say to him, "Darling, please do go to cricket nets next week, have fun, not a problem, and the Sunday after, let's have a lovely family day, I will have a nice lie in, you can be on morning duty with the kids, you need to think about lunch (we can go out or you can make lunch here, you choose) and that will be in lieu of mothers' day".

Voilà. You get a nice day and don't appear petty.

BelleDameSansMerci · 10/03/2012 08:13

I think Greythorne's idea is a good one.

FWIW, Mothering Sunday has a longer heritage than Hallmark Cards! Here, if you're interested.

TheProvincialLady · 10/03/2012 08:14

Your DH does not get to decide to spend a day of the weekend following his hobby without discussing it with you first. That is supremely selfish of him and the fact that he didn't even tell you is bad of him. When you have 4 children including a tiny baby, it is not on to dump all of them on one person without checking first.

It is also interesting that you have to go and pay dues to your MIL, who is the mother of adult children, whilst you with four actual children and who is presumably working your arse off at the moment, are completely disregarded on that day.

It's not so much the mother's day thing that would bother me, as the disrespect and disregard. I would be having words if it was me and the day would not be happening as your husband currently has planned.

Mishy1234 · 10/03/2012 08:16

If it's important to you then you should tell him. Then the ball is in his court and it's his decision what he does. You won't be accused of nagging and being petty and he gets the chance to do the right thing. Job done!

HomeEcoGnomist · 10/03/2012 08:16

YANBU
Mother's Day or not (that just adds insult to injury) bogging off for a whole day without even running it by you first is out of order. I would hit the roof be cross and we only have 2 kids!

Tell him you're looking forward to finding out the details of the 'away day' he's obviously sorted out for you

TheProvincialLady · 10/03/2012 08:16

Greythorne your idea is a good one BUT he also needs his arse kicking a bit for thinking it was ok to organise all this without discussing first. It's not.

pigsinmud · 10/03/2012 08:17

Yabu.

Wasn't Mother's Day invented by the church? Mothering Sunday was the day you went to your Mother church or something. It died out and was then revived and merged with the idea of Mother's day brought over from America. Two different things have merged together.

I don't see a big deal. Dh's mother always insist we make a song and dance about it. Dh has never cooked the meal or anything. I usually get a bottle of wine and a card, but after that it is a normal day.

Dh usually working on that day. Not this year, but will spend the day ferrying children to football, parties and cricket nets.