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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in thinking my MIL is being a bit bloody cheeky?

76 replies

MarkStretch · 09/03/2012 13:34

DH and I have just had our 3rd DC and DH has a DD from a previous relationship. We are trying really hard to save at the moment and pay as much off our mortgage as possible in order to hopefully be able to move to a bigger house in 2 or 3 years. Consequently we have been seriously 'cutting our cloth' accordingly.

MIL asked for a £30 pot of face cream for Mother's Day. DH explained that we wouldn't be able to afford to spend that much. I saw her today and she gave me a list of three kinds of bathroom scales (with the Argos catalogue numbers written next to them) she would like instead for Mother's Day, all of which cost £25.

God I'm fucked off.

OP posts:

MackerelOfFact · 09/03/2012 13:47

YANBU, and scales? WTF? Mother's day is for people to show voluntary appreciation for their mothers. Nobody should expect a gift, let alone anything specific or downright weird.

lumpymash · 09/03/2012 13:49

Very cheeky! I agree gift voucher as contribution or chocs/flowers.
Horrible. Especially as DH had explained your financial situation.

Original poster

MarkStretch · 09/03/2012 13:51

When it was her birthday she gave DH the numbers of 2 lipsticks she wanted, he bought them, wrapped them, took them over to her the day before. She shook the present, said 'Are you sure they are the right ones?'

Then put it on the side and said, 'I'll open it tomorrow'. Like it would be a bastard surprise what was in it?!?!

OP posts:

Theas18 · 09/03/2012 13:52

She ain't your mother! Let DH decide what he gives his mum on mothers day!

TimothyClaypoleLover · 09/03/2012 13:53

MarkStretch - total pain in arse! Particularly when its all on their terms and how it would make their life easier.

Like the idea someone suggested of a weightwatchers magazine instead of scales!!

GrahamTribe · 09/03/2012 13:57

Mark, why are you taking this crap? Your MIL is rude and demanding but if you don't make a stand she'll carry on doing it.

Take control, it's your money to spend as (or if) you please. Likewise DS is your son and if you don't want him to go to MILs on such a regular basis then stop doing it!. Tell her that a regular all day drop off of your son is no longer convenient and that you'll call her to see when she's free to catch up with him, that way you break the expectation of "her day" to have DS and arrange for her to see him for the length of time it suits you. Make it onyour terms, not hers. (Tell DH that he can take DS over to MIL at the weekend?

I think if you stop the overbearing behaviour on bigger issues you'll be less likely to be treated as a mug pushover wrt demands for gifts.

MidnightinMoscow · 09/03/2012 13:59

Asking for a gift or providing a list is the hight of rudeness, unless you have been asked to do so for whatever reason.

Card and a packet of weight watcher yogurts should suffice in this instance.

QuintessentialyHollow · 09/03/2012 13:59

Your dh should draw her a picture.

GrahamTribe · 09/03/2012 14:03

"Your dh should draw her a picture."

Don't you mean a map? Of the OP's house, with a big red arrow pointing to the front door and the word EXIT printed in bold type?

StandingAlone · 09/03/2012 14:07

She does sound quite cheeky. I don't see what the problem with a bunch of daff's and a card is. We don't even get a card any more for my mum and MIL as they told us not to bother because they like the card we got them both a couple of years a go and they put that out.

CreepyWeeBrackets · 09/03/2012 14:17

She is very cheeky. It is astounding how entitled some people are.

DH's baby (27 yo) sister demanded £200 from us as a contribution to send MIL on a weekend break then plastered all over FB that MIL had given her £1000 towards the exact sofa she wanted when she moved out of MIL's house after having spent a year there rent-free with her DP - two incomes, no DC. DH is very unreasonable not coughing-up apparently

girlywhirly · 09/03/2012 16:48

Tell her petrol is so expensive you can't afford to drive DS to hers and back, and you could also mention that expensive face creams are no more beneficial than cheaper ones in comparative tests if she asks why haven't given her the one she wanted!

You MIL sounds incredibly rude and ungrateful. Agree that a card made by the DC and possibly a small gift is quite enough, especially after the lipstick episode. In fact why not buy a cheaper face cream in packaging same size as the one she wants, giftwrap it, and she might not open it until the next day! If she complains, DH can repeat that you are on a budget and that is what you could afford as she is well aware.

diddl · 09/03/2012 16:52

Sounds as if she takes the piss because she can tbh.

Don´t take your son over if it doesn´t suit you & you´d rather not.

Don´t buy her what she demands.

NatashaBee · 09/03/2012 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

piratecat · 09/03/2012 16:54

yes he should draw her a picture with her big fat greedy arse on it.

i would never ask for something for mothers day, i just about get people asking for something in particular for xmas or birthday, if it's something they really need, covet etc...

surely when you become a grandmother you would be enjoying a homemade card from the grandkids, not demanding things.

Eliza22 · 09/03/2012 17:00

Cheeky cow! Mothers day is a card, a small pot plant....tops!

My son is only 11. I'd hate for him to be spending his hard earned cash on me, as a child or as an adult.

dinkystinkyandveryverybored · 09/03/2012 17:02

She's being pretty grabby isnt she? I'd give her some homemade cards from the kids and a £10 argos voucher or boots voucher - so she can get the facecream or scales she wants herself then!

TidyDancer · 09/03/2012 17:16

I'm normally one to rush to the defence of MILs because I have a wonderful one and they get too often slated for no good reason on MN, but in this case, YANBU.

I would give her a £10 gift (maximum) and a card and don't even mention the scales or the face cream.

She sounds like a grabby cheeky cow.

Original poster

MarkStretch · 09/03/2012 17:19

Yeah, I think I will gently suggest to DH that a card and maybe a £10 Argos voucher so she can put it towards her bathroom scales. She's already got bathroom scales by the way, but the ones she has annoy her because she has to tap them a couple of times to turn them on.

Gah.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 09/03/2012 17:35

Oh my God Mark. That's a bit of a drip feed. SHE ALREADY HAS SCALES EVERYONE!!!!!

Fuzzywuzzywozabear · 09/03/2012 17:35

I already know what I'm getting from DS3 - a handmade necklace from Cubs

(I'm the cub leader so not much of a surprise ha ha ha!)

I certainly wouldn't be giving my kids a list and I would be happy with a bar of Galaxy

OP YANBU

Sparklingbrook · 09/03/2012 17:37

I have asked for no bickering all day on Mother's Day. Don't think that's too grabby and entitled.

marshmallowpies · 09/03/2012 17:44

Eeek....I'd say there's nothing wrong with giving a few useful pointers/suggestions for birthday or Christmas presents, provided you keep in mind the sum of money the person might be able to afford...but for Mother's Day??

Mother's Day is a bunch of flowers and/or card, or perhaps Mum being taken out for Sunday lunch...it's not a £30 present thing, surely?

Or in our house, it was 'help Mum out with the chores day' more than anything else, but my Mum's birthday is in March so she gets her cards and presents pretty close to Mother's Day anyway...giving a Mother's Day card would be a bit of a redundant gesture. It does make it all the more important I get something really nice for her birthday, though, as I'm 'let off' Mother's Day...

Ephiny · 09/03/2012 17:46

I would stay out of it and let your DH handle it - she's his mum after all. Personally I would think a card would be fine, maybe a bunch of flowers or some chocolates or something if he wants.

Also agree you need to take control of the situation and not be pushed into things you don't want, i.e. you don't have to let her 'have' DS for a day every week if you don't want to and it's not convenient for you. Like the idea of DH taking him over there at the weekend, maybe for lunch or an afternoon, that way you get a bit of time and space to yourself as well!

FetchezLaVache · 09/03/2012 17:52

I think you would be well advised to start breaking the precedent of every Friday as soon as you can, tbh, but that's a separate issue.

YANBU, if you can't afford £30 because you're on a budget, you can't afford £25. That's just putting you in an embarrassing position.

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