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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to have entered in to a Loud Parenting stand-off at the library?

279 replies

welliesandpyjamas · 09/03/2012 13:20

I think I know I WBU. In fact, I have brought shame on MN by stooping to these levels rather than just smirking and ignoring. I apologise.

I arrived early with DS2 to library rhymetime and was sitting reading quietly in the corner. Other mum comes in and announces to the whole place to her toddler that they will now sit and read. Cue LOUD reading of and over the top expressions and actions to the disinterested child. Very LOUD and ARTICULATED. And for some reason, I decided to out-loud-parent her and do the same, but going up one, by reading the bilingual books Blush

In my defence, I did very quickly get a grip and stop.

She didn't, though. Went on for another 15 minutes and then was the loudest singer with the biggest actions during Rhymetime. Her dc did I mention his name was Zebediah? was more interested in making piles of books and picking his nose.

OP posts:
lizardqueenie · 09/03/2012 19:09

Ooh my post was a bit angry Angry Blush

OriginalJamie · 09/03/2012 19:14

Nah queenie.

Booming loud convos in the changing room annoy me. Changing rooms are so unpleasant that you just want to get out without having to listen to posho crap

Mind you, mine used to pick the changing room to ask difficult questions. Ds2 asked how babies are made and everyone went silent in their cubicles to hear what I'd say .........

Original poster
welliesandpyjamas · 09/03/2012 19:34

Snorting satsuma on to my screen at the starbucks dad's despairing plea Grin

OP posts:
lizardqueenie · 09/03/2012 19:41

Thanks Jamie ooh how i wish we were in a cubicle! We are all in the same room scrabbling to get dry. At least if we were in a cubicle I could give her the finger and roll my eyes even more dramatically than I already do. I always have this face on Hmm

lisad123 · 09/03/2012 19:46

just because im loud and want to spend time with Zebby at rhyme time, doesnt make me a bad mum!! I am SHOCKED that you think its fun to come online a make fun of me and other parents, who want to spend time with our children and building their IQs, unlike you who sit on your bums on MN all day!

JuliaScurr · 09/03/2012 19:46

reshape@ 17:22
No bills on the NHS, you think? Seen the news lately? Give them another month

SilentMammoth · 09/03/2012 19:48

Best example of performance parenting was at toddler group I used to go to in Manchester. I helped out, and me and a bunch of other mums were carving out potatoes to do printing with later. You know, a triangle, a square, a star for the odd showoff-- adventurous parent. Professional Performance Dad turns up and offers to help.

He carved a double helix.

OriginalJamie · 09/03/2012 19:57

Double Mammoth.

dogdaysareover · 09/03/2012 20:08

Oh fuck, I think I might have had a 'Zebediah's Mother's Moment' today in Starbucks when I chose to show off how much I can make my 6 month old giggle. hangs head in shame In my defense he is going through a very cute giggly phase and I just got carried away. That and the fact I hadn't spoken to another adult in over 48 hours :/

Fruitflieslikeabanana · 09/03/2012 20:31

Oh god, just realised people probably see me as a performance parent, I talk pretty loudly (people always comment) because my parents have always been hard of hearing and I work with the elderly. I looove the singing at the library, I do all the actions even if DS is really uninterested.

It's great going out with DS as I can ramble away to him and not look mad even though I still do it when out alone

CreepyWeeBrackets · 09/03/2012 20:37

Ha ha @despairing Starbucks Dad. Brilliant!

Sorry about the disinterested / uninterested thing OP - wasn't quite myself this afternoon Blush

mumoftwolilboys · 09/03/2012 20:43

OMG, me too! Me "Zebediah(age 3), you CAN count till 100. Oh you're just a bit tired. Count again. Wan....toooo... come on!", "that book isn't french. You've been doing french, haven't you?! Tell me what apple is in french..." to which my boy normally just bounces off like a maniac and throws all the books on the floor, and me completely embarassed tidying all the mess, telling him off, trying to be quiet and at the same time flashing all his phonics flashcards "That's alright, at least you know all your phonics! What's THIS?!!"

I sincerely hope I'm exaggerating here... Wink I really don't mean to be like this though. I'm just a shy person who doesn't really know how to act especially in libraries with a very hyperactive kid who is actually quite bright! Wink Hangs head in shame and quickly scuttle away like a performance parenting rat. Blush

DonInKillerHeels · 09/03/2012 20:45

Well I talk loudly and clearly at DS because I'm partially deaf myself (apparently, because I can't hear how loud I am and DH always has to tell me, when he's around at least). So I guess that makes me a performance parent then. Or at least appear to be one.

Stop being so fucking bitchy everyone.

OriginalJamie · 09/03/2012 20:47

Don

Loud is one thing. It's what you say that matters Wink

DartsAgain · 09/03/2012 20:48

Like Upahill, I've been caught out in a supermarket by a kid who'd obviously tried to get my attention and a mum loudly saying "Some people are just ignorant".

There were other people in the aisle in my case, and once I heard the mother I became aware of the child. I ignored the mother, turned to the child and said "I'm sorry I didn't hear you, I have very bad hearing".

Cue a strangled splutter from the mother as she realised the other people there were smirking at her.

thegreylady · 09/03/2012 20:55

My favourite place to row my boat is gently through the puddles because if you meet a Teddy bear you give it lots of cuddles! At this point everyone cuddles DC who go all snuggly. I do loud grannying because I am a bit deaf and have to shout in order to hear myself think.

MintChocAddict · 09/03/2012 21:18

Best ones I've come across

I was in supermarket getting lots of rubbishy food for noshing in front of the TV - Mum and maybe 8ish year old daughter standing near me.
Mum (very loudly) - "Let's get some lovely food for our fun girls night in darling. Ooooh look, olives are over there. Ooooooh and let's get some salmon."
Couldn't help thinking the poor wee 8 year old probably fancied some Haribo and a Fruit Shoot, but hey-ho!

Another example a couple of weeks ago - also in supermarket - Mum with 2ish year old boy. Kept passing her in the aisles. Toddler was helping put things in trolley. Mum giving loud commentary of EVERY item going in followed by "you are so clever", mummy's clever boy" "gosh, you know all the foods" etc etc etc, BOOMING VOICE. They should have hired her as the bleeding tannoy system.

gabid · 09/03/2012 21:35

I had that in the library recently. A mum squeezed herself with her two boys on a bench right next to my DD and me starting to read to them quite loudly so that I couldn't concentrate on what I was reading/translating into German for my DD (I was boiling within but kept quiet and smiled). The mum kept smiling at me too Angry. It wasn't too long unil my DD had lost concentration, kept looking over at their book, then asked me to read on ... I should have said something then maybe I wouldn't still be angry at the situation Angry.

kickassangel · 09/03/2012 21:41

well I teach English, so obviously my dd was going to learn to speak/read/write super fast etc.

except, of course, she didn't.

in fact, after a kind of mumbled 'mmm' and 'ddd' she didn't seem all that bothered about learning to speak at all. Until one day, when she very clearly, and completely accurately, said 'bollocks' over & over after she dropped something. when I turned around & said 'what did you say' (which is NEVER the right question, even when they have learnt what a rhetorical one is), she looked at me, directly in the eye, and said 'boll-ocks' with great emphasis.

Well, at least I knew she wasn't deaf, which the doctor had been worried about.

NoMoreRoom · 09/03/2012 21:43

I do loud parenting.

Mostly because I have 5 boys aged between 9 months and 9 years with me Grin

The only loud exclamations of 'I know you can do ..................x,y and z' are things such as stand still, carry that bag hear me! etc . They would LOVE me to be a LP praising them all for stuffing the trolley full of crap food!

Actually lately I'm trying the opposite - quiet parenting - basically I say everything really quietly so the boys have to be quiet enough to hear. Wink

koekje · 09/03/2012 21:44

Can do Head-Shoulders in Dutch here

stickyj · 09/03/2012 21:51

I sing "This little Piggy" in my classes. I always wonder if anyone minds it, ie: Jewish people ( I am so don't slate me), but I did have a loud mummy who always sang very loudly.."This little piggy had nutloaf all the way home". Smile

exoticfruits · 09/03/2012 21:59

who want to spend time with our children and building their IQs

We are not saying that you shouldn't spend time with your DC and talk to them. We are ridiculing the type of parent who just never gives their DC time to speak or interact.
It is also nothing to do with those hard of hearing who have to speak loudly.
It is the highly irritating parent that we all know whose DC isn't remotely interested in what they are saying-it is all for the impression they want to make on other adults that their DC is advanced and they are a wonderfully engaged mummy.
There is a world of difference between that and those who actually interact with their DC and appreciate that their DC needs a pause and the parent to actually listen. Communication is a two way process!

butterfingerz · 09/03/2012 22:05

I encountered some loud parenting at our park last week. Posh mum and nan (they had Chelsea tractor) with a couple of 4/5 yr old boys, posh bikes in tow. I had my 3yr old DD and baby DS.

My DD was on the climbing frame and she likes to dangle then pretend she's stuck, mid air (to wind me up), it's only a few inches off the ground but she screams and makes a drama. Anyway I was sat down with DS while DD did this so got up to go and carry her down. Posh mum goes to 'rescue' her, prattles on about, 'oh I've been there running across the park trying to rescue a child whilst carrying another', I say, 'yeah thanks'... she remarks to her son (loudly), 'she (DD) can't climb as well as you yet' (something about younger, smaller).

Next, my DD (naughty) opens the kiddy park gate and these boys follow her out (onto nearby field, no danger). I go over and say, 'in you lot', they toddle back in, job done. Nooo, posh mum runs to her boys and prattles on (loudly) about they shouldn't out of the park or near the field, something about dogs (weren't any).

Then they were all on the slide, getting a bit hyper, going down the slide backwards, head first, running up the slide etc. Posh mum kept going on about 'dog poo shoes'... Kept going on and on, I just felt like saying, 'does he have shit on his shoes?'

She just disorientated me with her loud parenting, dog poo shoes and everything.

southeastastra · 09/03/2012 22:08

i have to say i really like loud parents and parenting

better than all this whispering behind their backs