to be getting pissed off with my wedding turning into a circus? abit ranty

[MaryPoppinsMagic]

Do not even know where to start with this, wedding booked 2 weeks ago for mid april we decided this as there has been a lot of problems with DP'S family, decided after the few years we have had that we would do something for ourselves.

So the plan was.. Registry office with 6 guests, the most important people in our lives.

A meal at lunch time in our favourite pub, with about 10 people.

A big reception party in the evening

So with just 6 weeks to get everything in place me and dp wrote lists and got our budgetting right and were really happy with everything we had planned.. Untill now when our families have gone into over drive

There's been a rift between myself and my grandparents for 2 years now, I invited them to the meal and reception as I do not feel they have earned the right to see our ceremony when everything that's happened has happened, my dad then starts guilt tripping me saying they are coming a long way blah blah blah.. So now we have 8 for the ceremony (max numbers now)

Then we had our guest lists for the reception, my parents then start.. You need this person, what about such and such (grrr) so now the guest list is ridiculous with people and 'family' that we hardly even know, this wasn't the point our wedding was to be different with just who we want there.

My mum has now started with, we need to buy this and that, what about this!! I went shopping with my parents for my dress, I tried on 2 dresses and decided in about 40 minutes, the other 8 hours of the trip was my mother trying dresses on and the whole thing ended up about her!

So, now last night has sent me over the edge, I spoke to my dp's aunt (more like his mum) about photographers, she said she knew someone who may be able to do it for me, I asked her to get prices and then call me before doing anything as I'm getting quotes. Yesterday she text dp to tell him 'she has booked the photographer' dp isn't arranging any parts yet she texts him to tell him what's she done. So I rang her last night and she told me she had done it and it was x amount.. So another person has taken over!

Then this has really pissed me off.. I was talking to her about dd staying with my mum (nannie) on the night we get married, she commented that as my grandparents would be there it may be a bit crowded so we should keep her at home on our wedding night, I replied that it was our wedding night so she would go to her nannies to stay, then she said this

'Well you decided to have a child before you got married so its your own responsibility'

Aibu? Should we call the whole thing off??

Id def move the actual ceremony! Or elope and then come back to the original arrangements saying you just cant deal with all the stress - have a big party and let everyone else organise it.

Dear god, elope. We knew perfectly well that our wedding would involve a major familial circus, and lots of 'duty' invitations to extended family on both sides, so we got married secretly last week with just our witnesses and without telling anyone, and it was absolutely lovely. Will get around to breaking the news to family eventually.

Another one here whose wedding turned out to be what everyone else thought they wanted, and then several of them weren't happy

My weddings both went the way we wanted them to, but that was because I kept tight hold of the preparations and didn't get family members "helping".
The shopping trip with relatives was a mistake. I would stop discussing your wedding with them, cancel the photographer now if it isn't what you want, tell aunt making cakes you want 60 and is that a problem as if so someone else will do it, don't invite anyone you don't want. If family start fussing then tell them "this is our wedding and this is who is coming, if you want to have a social do and invite x y and z then feel free but they aren't coming to our wedding because we don't wat a big do".
The main thing is to stop discussing it with them and stop making them feel they have any input into it.
If your mum refuses to have your daughter then you'll have to look after her, there were too many "shes" in the sentence so it wasn't clear if it was your mum or fiance's aunt who was trying to tell you what to do about your daughter. If the aunt then it's none of her business and you ignore her and stop telling her stuff.
It sounds harsh but I do think the less you involve other people, especially other bossy opinionated people, the more likely it is you'll have things as you wish.
And start saying "no" alot more.

This is what I would do:

Write down everyone I want to be at the ceremony, reception and meal.

Invite everybody that is trying to stick their oar in round to mine, hand them all a cup of tea and show the list. Tell them this is off limits. My wedding, my decision. I would then give them all a small role to play that I dont mind not doing myself. They must consult before making anything permanent. That way, they can feel like they're doing something and it gets them off my back concerning areas I dont want them interfering in.

Be firm. If they don't like the ideas I present to them (hypothetically) then they know where the door is.

I knew my family would be difficult, so I didn't tell them until after we'd done the deed!