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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pissed off that dp is going on holiday without me?

49 replies

Greenknowe · 08/03/2012 11:40

Dp has a week's worth of leave to use up before the end of the financial year. He's decided that he's going to go off on holiday, on his own.

AIBU to be miffed, especially as I 'wasted' my excess annual leave waiting around for various tradesmen to do urgent jobs at our flat (dp can't get time off at short notice)?

OP posts:

puds11 · 08/03/2012 11:45

thats at bit odd. Whats his reasons for doing it?

forehead · 08/03/2012 11:47

Have you get any dcs.?

GiserableMitt · 08/03/2012 11:50

My DP has gone 'home' for a holiday and a bit of a pisscatch up, on the other side of the world.

He asked if I wanted to go along but I said fuck, no declined.

He asked at least, I'd be a bit puzzled if I wasn't given the choice.

PurplePidjin · 08/03/2012 11:50

I wouldn't be pissed off if he'd asked what I thought. Sort of "I quite fancy a few days doing x hobby to use up my leave, what do you think?"

I'd be incandescent to be told, "I've got a weeks holiday to use so I'm off to Magaluf, see you later"

YANBU!

imnotmymum · 08/03/2012 11:55

What I am always confused by this !Why oh why does he want to go on holiday on his own !!! I would be beyond pissed off way beyond and back again that is totally mental !!

Original poster

Greenknowe · 08/03/2012 11:57

No dc yet. He says that he doesn't want to waste his leaving moping around at home; which is exactly what I ended up doing!

He doesn't think that he's being unreasonable at all. His current thinking is a springtime break in the Med not a sodden camping trip in the Lake District. I told him that Hell was very nice this time of year.

OP posts:

GiserableMitt · 08/03/2012 11:58

Do you have no leave left at all?

imnotmymum · 08/03/2012 12:00

Are you sure he not winding you up I do not get it ! Not being nosy but is everything OK in general.

mumofthreekids · 08/03/2012 12:02

I think it's unfair you had to use all your leave to wait in for tradesmen - couldn't he have done some days?

However, given that's what happened and you have no annual leave left and no DCs to look after, I think YABU to expect him to spend his leave sitting at home doing nothing.

Original poster

Greenknowe · 08/03/2012 12:04

GiserableMitt I'm going back to uni in September, so don't have a year's worth of leave entitlement to use. We've also got a family wedding on the other side of the world in a few months time- so i'm saving what little leave I do have for that.

OP posts:

imnotmymum · 08/03/2012 12:07

Do you work full time Green because it would be lovely to have some days out or meet for lunch or he could potter doing some bits surely and maybe you could squeeze a day off or 2 perhaps. Still think he winding you up

puds11 · 08/03/2012 12:11

ah hell is nice this time of year
i wish i was witty [wistful look]

Original poster

Greenknowe · 08/03/2012 12:13

I really wish he was imnotmymum. It would be fine if he were going away with someone else; on his own just seems a bit weird .

OP posts:

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 08/03/2012 12:15

Green - is everything ok generally in your relationship? It does sound odd to be honest!

imnotmymum · 08/03/2012 12:16

so actually on his own not even with friends/brother or anything. Is he OK ??

ifancyashandy · 08/03/2012 12:20

So you've no holiday left and he has some he has to use of lose?

I wouldn't have an issue with that. And going away on your own can be bloody wonderful - no-one to answer to / stack of books and beer on a beach! What's not to like Iamnotmymothe?!

(however, I would have had an issue with being the one to use holiday for tradespeople and the like. Would have addressed this before it got to this point)

ifancyashandy · 08/03/2012 12:21

x post with all those who can't understand holidaying alone!

Original poster

Greenknowe · 08/03/2012 12:22

Work's very stressful at the moment for him- so I understand why he needs a break, and he genuinely seems excited about getting away from it all. I just feel v bitter that he's going to go to a destination that I had imagined the 2 of us exploring together .

OP posts:

imnotmymum · 08/03/2012 12:24

I guess I am strange would hate to holiday alone and yes Green YANBU to feel bitter - but then we always think about holidaying without kids but can never do it !!

sairie11 · 08/03/2012 12:25

Depends if it was a joint expectation that you would use your spare leave for the tradespeople thing. Or if there are more things that need doing that he could usefully spend his time doing (as in 'needs doing' and difficult to do any other time)?

I'm the sort of person that would do chores with my time off, and then I would feel jealous that my partner was doing something better with his time - but I would realise that it's because I feel obliged to do things a certain way and that others shouldn't be penalised for my odd attitude! If not though, you shouldn't be picking up all the slack in your holidays leaving him to have fun.

susiedaisy · 08/03/2012 12:26

i am another one who cant understand the holidays alone thing, but i do realise that everyone is different so this may be the norm for some people, just depends if it is for you, but i am guessing the fact that you've posted on here its saying that this isnt normal and you're a bit hurt by it, and i would be too,

Birdsgottafly · 08/03/2012 12:29

I am another who can quite happily go away on my own.

I also agree that this should have been discussed at the time of you needing to wait in for workmen.

So do you want him to just mope around at home, because you did?

Are you starting uni and working, if not you will get lots of time off, that he won't.

ifancyashandy · 08/03/2012 12:29

Holidaying alone is just lovely! I can't tell you how fab it is to get off the plane in a strange country where you don't speak the language and get to your hotel / apartment etc and just be able to do what you want, when you want to with no-one else to consider! Even if what you want to do is lie on a lounger and sleep / eat / drink / read / people watch.

I met some of the most interesting people whilst travelling alone. I shall continue to do it all my life - regardless of marital status.

ArielNonBio · 08/03/2012 12:32

Could you not have gone on holiday on your week off? Did you have to mope around waiting for tradespeople? Did he expect you to do it? Or did you just give out the attitude "Oh I'll do it, I suppose," in which case most men just say "Oh ok."

People quite often want to go off by themselves in my experience. Last year my DH went to Australia for two weeks without me on a surf trip. There's no way I would waste a trip to Oz bouncing along dirt tracks looking for waves so I declined and did something else.

blackteaplease · 08/03/2012 12:36

It's a little unfair that you have had to waste your leave on house chores while he gets to swan off. You do need to discuss that aspect, can either of you work from home, or can you get a family member/ neighbour to let people in to do works? My mum does this for my sister.

Re the holiday, I can see why he wants a break. Can you afford for him to go off? I wouldn't have a problem with DH doing this but then I'm not you. My DH is a teacher and he gets tonnes more leave than I do, I usually leave a list of jobs that need doing around the house to keep him busy!

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