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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be pissed off that dp is going on holiday without me?

49 replies

Greenknowe · 08/03/2012 11:40

Dp has a week's worth of leave to use up before the end of the financial year. He's decided that he's going to go off on holiday, on his own.

AIBU to be miffed, especially as I 'wasted' my excess annual leave waiting around for various tradesmen to do urgent jobs at our flat (dp can't get time off at short notice)?

OP posts:

ArielNonBio · 08/03/2012 12:37

Why has she had to? Who told her she had to?

QuintessentialyHollow · 08/03/2012 12:38

So, work is stressful at the moment. Let me guess, many late nights at the office? Trips away?

imnotmymum · 08/03/2012 12:39

Maybe she never contemplated going away on her own as that has never happened and they always gone away together.

ArielNonBio · 08/03/2012 12:40

I don't think that's helpful, Quintessential and could cause more distress.

Birdsgottafly · 08/03/2012 12:41

OP i would say that it is time for a talk about expectations etc.

This can work in your favour, also.

I love Poland, the concetration camps etc, not my DP's cup of tea, i will not not go, because he won't.

I have a trip to China planned that he would spoil, even if you get on well, there are going to be different things that you want to do and should be able to.

Unlike Quints suggestioning, that doesn't mean there is anyone else.

QuintessentialyHollow · 08/03/2012 12:42

Ariel, wtf?

Original poster

Greenknowe · 08/03/2012 12:42

Thanks for your comments everyone! All you pro holiday alone-rs have made me feel a bit better about the prospect too; it's not as unusual as I thought!

I'm not sure how we're going to resolve the tradesman issue though.

Unfortunately birds I'm going to be embarking on a pgce- which according to fellow mnetters has been the worst/most stressful year of their life; so i don't think that I'll get much time off!

OP posts:

Shakey1500 · 08/03/2012 12:44

Another one here who's happy to holiday alone-bliss. Was it unfortunate timing that you used your leave for tradespeople etc? Is there anything else you feel he "should" be doing? I understand feeling a bit miffed that he has the opportunity but I'd also do the same if I had the chance.

WorraLiberty · 08/03/2012 12:45

I don't see the problem really

It's not something I would want to do

But he's not married and you have no kids so it's probably best he does it now, if that's the sort of thing he likes.

The waiting in for Tradesmen is a bit of a red herring because...

A) You don't need him to repay the 'waiting in', as I take it here are no more tradesman due?

B) You said he can't get time off at short notice anyway.

imnotmymum · 08/03/2012 12:47

How many tradesmen do you have ?? where do you live ?? I never have trademen oh I am so poor

ifancyashandy · 08/03/2012 12:50

Try not to see it as a holiday away from you. Think of it as a holiday for him IYSWIM?

Original poster

Greenknowe · 08/03/2012 12:50

I think that'll just get my revenge when I'm a teacher, by announcing that I'm using the summer hols to go on a 4 week trek across Nepal!

The tradesmen visits were last-minute, urgent jobs (broken boiler etc); dp has to give several days notice for leave due to the nature of his work, whereas my job is easier to cover.

OP posts:

Original poster

Greenknowe · 08/03/2012 12:53

Thanks ifancyashandy, that way of thinking really helps

OP posts:

DinahMoHum · 08/03/2012 12:56

i dont see a big problem, if youve got no children and you cant get the time off. Id probably feel a little miffed/jealous, but make sure you book something for yourself when you get the opportunity.

Id love to go on holiday alone one day

WaitingForMe · 08/03/2012 13:22

I think it's perfectly reasonable he goes but I think there needs to be something special for Greenknowe to demonstrate thanks for her dealing with the tradesmen. A weekend away, shoes/handbag/coat you wouldn't buy for yourself, something like that.

ArielNonBio · 08/03/2012 13:24

Quintesssntial, I thought you were inferring he was playing away.

Sorry if I misunderstood.

QuintessentialyHollow · 08/03/2012 13:31

You did not misunderstand Arial.

He is going somewhere she was hoping they could explore together. He rather go without her. If he was my partner, swanning off on holiday, because work is stressful, I would bloody question it.

If it was my partner, not seeing why HE should have to spend his holidays arranging works in the flat, like she has, then I would question that too.

I tend to question what appears to be blatant selfishness though.

imnotmymum · 08/03/2012 13:38

Thank you Quint I thought I was the only selfish unreasonable one I do not actually think my DH would even dare suggest it !!

MidnightWorry · 08/03/2012 13:45

i have 2 children, am female and LOVE holidaying alone. life is too short not to take any opportunity you can to do things you love.

people who dont holiday alone often dont understand it, its not against you its just something for them

ArielNonBio · 08/03/2012 13:46

All I asked was why did she have to stay in and see to tradespeople? Did he tell her to?

I hate to use the word "martyr", but if I had a week off work and my partner didn't, I wouldn't hesitate to go and do fun things, rather than staying in and answering the door.

heartmoonshadow · 08/03/2012 13:48

I think you are right he should not take advantage of you and let you do all the waiting around for gas/electric and all manner of other odd bods that we have to do using your holiday up. I would point out all the jobs that need doing around the house and say if and when they are up to date he can go away by himself cheeky piglet!

FredFredGeorge · 08/03/2012 13:53

I don't really see the problem - why shouldn't he go away alone? Sure it's crap that you had to use up your days for whatever, but that was this year, it doesn't make sense for there to be a punishment for that misfortune. And it's not likely to continue to be the case, he has the opportunity to do something enjoyable I cannot imagine not wanting my partner to have that. I'd be encouraging it!

mummytime · 08/03/2012 13:53

What is he going to do next year and there after, when you can't have time off during term time?

QuintessentialyHollow · 08/03/2012 13:54

It is a difficult question though.

ONE person feels she has a duty to do what is best for both of them. (staying in and opening the door to arrange repairs to their flat = the common good.)

One person thinks he should go alone on a holiday where she also wants to go with him, = HIS own good, to her detriment.

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