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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to have nearly lost it with toddler dd2?

45 replies

throwinshapes · 07/03/2012 22:22

christ on a bike, I normally hold it together in the face of her adversity but tonight was one tantrum too many.
dd1 (age 5) was/ is a fairly placid compliable child and we never had to experience the proverbial 'two's terrible', so this is all new to us.
DP works abroad for two weeks on and two weeks off (as pay rate is doubled over there) and I work three 10 (sometimes more) hours, three days a week.
It started this morning with both dds getting up way too early (normally i get to wake quietly and at least have a cuppa and get halfway through my bath) and both being tired, demandy and grumpy.

In a nut shell, the carpet got shat on (my fault for not replacing the wayward nappy that had fallen off as I was still trying to get out of the bath) dd2 was swiftly bathed (separate water as i had drained mine), and point refused to get out. Meltdown ensued. Kicking, hitting (!) and going blue in the face. For a while.Inconsolable. Still, i held it together without getting too stressed.
Left for work feeling I'd done a full day already.
So, tonight. Both girls are knackered when I pick them up at 6.15 from the CM. In fairness dd1 realises that i'm tired and calms down.
After dinner (of beans on toast- cos i'm too shagged to contemplate anything adventurous) we have story time. Dd2 wants the same book we have had every night for the past 5 weeks (as she would) and dd2 wants another. So read dd2 her book while dd1 get her PJs on. All is fine.
Dd1 and I then read her story (and pick out the keywords that she's doing very well learning). Dd2 then wants a woodpeckery thing that is not a toy, and I said 'No' (in hindsight should have given her the fucker but don't want her to grow up thinking that she can have everything that she wants just cos she demands it).
Meltdown ensues. Screaming (poor dd1 does not get all of her story- which is ok cos she's tired too), hitting (after which she wouldn't apologise or receive a cuddle), basically exorcist behaviour is full on. Wouldn't have a cuddle. Wouldn't go upstairs to bed.
So here's the crux. By this stage I was soooo tired and dd2's incessant, red faced screeching, I, at that point, became unable to behave as the rational mother that I usually am and snatched her up (pretty roughly) shouted at her (seeing red and so angry) and yoinked her up the stairs. I've never been so angry, I dont think.
My principles are such that I would never smack my children as (clearly) its a shite and unlightened form of discipline. Fuck I was so close though.
I phoned my dp in tears as I was so ashamed of my behaviour.
Please tell me I am not a loony who needs anger management.

OP posts:
DefiniteMaybe · 07/03/2012 22:26

You're not a loony and you don't need anger management. Kid's are very annoying. I shouted at my 3yo ds yesterday for coughing so clearly I am much more horrible than you.

Sarcalogos · 07/03/2012 22:28

Wine not a loony. Normal. AND don't forget while you may not be proud of your behaviour you did not hurt your dd. she may be a bit shocked ( which give her behaviour prob isn't a bad thing) but you haven't hurt her. And tomorrow is a new day. -cliche but true

Meglet · 07/03/2012 22:28

yanbu. And breathe.

I'm a LP who works and whose DC's are about the same age, sounds like a normal day for me.

Smacking doesn't work anyway, they just laugh and say ha ha it doesn't hurt Hmm.

Minshu · 07/03/2012 22:31

YANBU - you sound like you handled it all well, given the circumstances. Hope DP was comforting on the phone. x

hardboiledpossum · 07/03/2012 22:31

I don't think you need to feel bad at all. We all loose our tempers occasionally and actually if after 5 years of parenting this is the first time you've really lost it then you're probably a saint.

FunnysInTheGarden · 07/03/2012 22:31

oh god, don't worry about that at all. DS2 is starting to really tantrum (he is just 2) and I have realised that if I talk to him in a low but loud voice he starts to calm down. Have done much shouting prior to this though which just makes him worse! DS1 had tantrums, but it was 4 years ago and I have forgotten how to deal with it. Little children can really push you to the limit!

Shushshessleeping · 07/03/2012 22:36

I think you were a mum pushed to the limit and now she has learned what happens when she pushes you too far. I think kids needs to know that it's not ok to behave like this and you showed her without smacking. Im not sure I would've been able to restrain myself! Tomorrows another day, hope its a better one for you

throwinshapes · 07/03/2012 22:37

thanks lovely ladies!
shit. they don'y tell you about all this stuff when you embark on parenting. I honestly thought I'd be Mother Earth. Not so.

Definite- there's no need to cough TOO loudly Grin

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 07/03/2012 22:37

Oh love. What I always say to DS after a tough day is 'giveus a kiss and we'll start again tomorrow'. You can have one too x

DefiniteMaybe · 07/03/2012 22:40

I think if they told us this stuff before children the human race would die out.
The coughing is driving me insane. We're all ill with a stupid cold and ds coughed until he was sick then coughed some more. gah I hate coughing.

enjolraslove · 07/03/2012 22:55

don't worry. i ended my work day storming onto the top floor of a bus full of teenagers and demanding one poor boy justify why I didn't make him get off the bus before it left. I was speaking firmly (yelling) at him in front of his friends about blatant disrespect and then not talking to me as if i'm an idiot when he decided to play dumb about why i was cross. (luckily) he chose to deal with the crazy woman (me)by muttering 'sorry miss' and I was able to walk way with promises of 'we will discuss this further in the morning'. I can't imagine the conversations that happened as I left between the 15-16 year old boys.
not one of my finer moments. (and it was all about the fact he had put his trainers back on when my back was turned)

I then picked up my 2 year old and had to drive while holding her hand the whole 30 minute drive home (on A roads most of it) otherwise the sobbing was just too much, and today I just didn't have it in me to distract with songs/pointing out pointless things through the window.
I think you were angry but you kept control so well done to you!

throwinshapes · 07/03/2012 22:56

wilson- that's my philosophy! What else can you do?

OP posts:
skybluepearl · 07/03/2012 23:11

We have just had a day like yours - exhausted and on edge. You have to have crap days to appreciate all the lovely days! Tomorrow maybe chat with kids and acknowledge that you were all over tierd and need to try and look after each other more next time it happens, then plan a fresh start. Remind them how much you love them. I think it's quite good for them to see that their mum is only human and also see her appologise and make good a situation.

throwinshapes · 07/03/2012 23:18

enj, please elaborate...

OP posts:
enjolraslove · 07/03/2012 23:53

What more can I tell you? I am more than happy to elaborate on my madness for the enjoyment of all! Or did you mean there was too much there already?

AlmostMrsRobinson · 08/03/2012 00:04

I've done similar and that was about bath time too, I felt bad about it but like others have said we all lose our temper at times and it seems like you handled the situation quite well.

skybluepearl's advice is good, maybe have a chat with them tomorrow to clear the air and give them a big cuddle

crustyonion · 08/03/2012 00:05

My DS usually goes to nursery on Tuesdays. Last week he was ill in the morning so stayed at home and proceeded to be perfectly fine all bloody day
We collected DD from nursery & did the usual routine when we got home - snacks, some games, bath & bed. DS kicked off big time when it was time for bath, demanding breadsticks, crisps & chocolate, SCREAMING that he was hungry. I offered fruit or yoghurt and told him he couldn't be hungry if he didn't want them and there was no way he was getting junk food instead. Much ado. DP eventually calms him down and DS eats a banana... then forlornly looked at me with his big eyes and asks "Mummy, when will I have my tea?"
Fucksocks.

TrollopDollop · 08/03/2012 00:09

Been there and done that. It's horrible but it will pass . Have a Wine from me. Sounds like you are a great mum who has alot on your plate.

RachelWalsh · 08/03/2012 00:10

Poor you op, that sounds like a rubbish day.

If (when!!) I lose my temper with ds I apologise once I've calmed down and then I tell myself I'm modelling the fact that we are all fallible and human and it is ok to make a mistake and admit you've done so. It also shows him that if he loses his temper he has it in his power to turn the situation around too.

enjolraslove · 08/03/2012 00:12

I get this in the car. 'mummy, I need something else' then has to be the right 'something else' or there is hell to pay.

butterflyexperience · 08/03/2012 02:24

Bah my dd2 21 months is going through major tantrums and of hitting too

Drives me barmy...

sooooolooooow · 08/03/2012 06:53

be kinder to yourself, we all have off days.

I'm a regular 'tomorrow I will be better' mantra chanter

throwinshapes · 08/03/2012 07:18

have apologised and issued hugs and kisses. Feel much better (albeit a little hungover). Big love to all you MNetters too x

OP posts:
throwinshapes · 08/03/2012 07:21

'mummy, I need something else' then has to be the right 'something else' or there is hell to pay'

love this enj- sounds familiar!

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/03/2012 07:29

I did pretty much exactly the same the other.night when DD had kept me awake for hours in the night messing about, also now feel hideous about it, but we are all human :)

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