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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be beyond livid at my daughter's school?

83 replies

mogwhistle · 06/03/2012 23:09

Today my daughter hurt her wrist falling badly from a trampet in PE - first period so this happened at around 9.10 am. PE teacher said she could sit out rest of lesson - that was the sum of her concern. During DD's next lesson she informed teacher that she was struggling to write so was given a 'permission' slip to visit matron during break-time.

DD went to matron ( about 10.40 ) matron sprayed some Deep Heat and wrapped a flimsy bandage on her wrist.

DD went to rest of lessons - didn't have lunch 'cos couldn't carry her tray, dropped equipment during science and smashed it and when she eventually got home she was grey faced and her fingers & thumb were like fat blue sausages.

Needless to say I took her to A&E and not only has she fractured the most difficult bone possible (for healing) the swelling is so bad that they won't be able to do anything for 10 days.

I have to take DD2 to school tomorrow and explain why DD1 won't be there - not sure I will be able to manage it in a civil manner so I would like to know am I being unreasonable to be so angry or should I just put this down to an accident and 'one of those things' that happens.

DD1 is 13 by the way and not a baby but she is my baby!

OP posts:
caron1968 · 07/03/2012 10:37

Scaphoid fractures are not always easy to pick up on xray, so are often treated from clinical symptoms - Mechanism of injury usually FOOSH (Fall On Outstretched Hand), Bony tenderness on palpation over a region of the wrist called the anatomical snuff box and pain as expressed by the patient. The usual treatment is a splint (commonly called a futura splint horrible brown things usually) and xray 7 -10 days later as previous poster mentioned that shows up bone healing ossification. If, on xray, a definite fracture is seen then a scaphoid cast (full pot) is put on, there is usually not a lot of swelling from a scaphoid fracture so a full cast is OK as opposed to a back slab (half cast) which ordinarily allows for some swelling after injury.
As for the way the school handled it I would not not be happy, teachers could be excused due to lack of first aid training but the matron has no excuse. One would think the minimum requirement for a matrons post would be first aid trained.

Sirzy · 07/03/2012 10:47

Even then Caron the teachers should have sent her straight to someone else with the first aid training, I would also be amazed (and disgusted) if the pe teacher wasn't first aid trained.

AwkwardMary · 07/03/2012 11:04

WHat a terrible thiing. My DD is quiet and I could see her not asking for help in a similar situation....poor DD! I woud bollock the life out of that matron and insist to the HT that she is re traiined.

Proudnscary · 07/03/2012 11:45

YANBU

Hope your daughter's ok

glaurung · 07/03/2012 11:46

good luck today mogwhistle. I hope your dd is feeling a bit better too.

PeneloPeePitstop · 07/03/2012 11:47

YANBU
and you certainly don't put heat on a recent injury like that it's always cold!

RhinosDontEatPancakes · 07/03/2012 11:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ragged · 07/03/2012 12:03

Well... I am going for the yabu camp to go ballistic. Speaking as someone who has broken arms many times, it can be hard to tell how serious it is. I've needed several hours before, until I realised that my arm really was not just bruised. Friend had a 4 day wait before confirming he had broken a tiny bone in his elbow after initial X-rays from several angles couldn't find it. Schools & hospitals are constantly having to contend with people who claim they've broken something when it's hardly more than bruised, blame those people who over-hype their injuries, not the staff made skeptical by them.

At 13 I think she should have spoken up a bit more for herself, it's a lesson she must learn for future.

My last break was very painful, I hope she feels better soon.

greentown · 07/03/2012 12:31

At 13, even if very quiet/shy, the child has to take a lot more responsibilty for saying they're not well.

Interesting how many other people are saying their own children also have this level of reticence - it's got to be up to the parents to address this - because that level of withdrawal will definitely affect any child's life opportunities.

I think Morrissey said "Shyness is nice, cause shyness can stop me from doing all the things I don't want to" or something like that.

manicinsomniac · 07/03/2012 12:38

I wouldn't be livid but I would be concerned and want certain things addressed.

I don't think the original incident was handled badly. Children hurt themselves in games all the time and most of the time it is nothing. Some make a huge fuss for a tiny injury and some make a no fuss for a major injury so waiting to see how it is is a reasonable reaction imo. Where I work we try to avoid sending a child to matron straight away or it would just get ridiculous. We do leave it and see unless there is obvious blood, swelling, inability to walk or screaming agony.

Matron may or may not be in the wrong. If the swelling didn't come until later then sending your daughter back into school was also ok imo

But I would expect the inability to cope during the school day to be noticed, even if your daughter didn't actually say anything. That's what I would be concerned about.

AwkwardMary · 07/03/2012 12:38

Greentown That is easy for you to say and you obviously do not have a child like the OPs or mne for that matter. OF COURSE parents need to take responsibility and address this reticence....but it is a complex thing and you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

And you quoted Morrissey wrong.

We all know what shyness can do....we all know how to try to deal with it...but it is a journey the child must go on alone in the end. You give them the tools and the chances...they have to do the rest.

Mummle · 07/03/2012 12:43

I would question the nurse's actions. The teachers correctly sent her to the Matron - the teachers aren't trained in assessing injuries, but the Matron should be...on the other hand, sometimes the full extent of damage is not evident immediately and, when your DD's hands started to swell up, that was the time for her to alert someone...really, it is all just an unfortunate incident and, probably, everyone was doing what they thought was the right thing...but, maybe the Matron should have been more thorough.

5Foot5 · 07/03/2012 13:04

I am surprised that you weren't informed at the very least. DD is 16 and in year 11. Recently she felt a bit dizzy and sick when she got to school so her friends took her to the school nurse. DD felt better after a while and went back to her lessons but the school nurse still range me at work to let me know what had happened.

weblette · 07/03/2012 13:45

I'd be pretty cross about the lack of basic first aid tbh. They didn't have an icepack so used Deep Heat instead? WTAF?!

Hope your dd is feeling better today.

thebody · 07/03/2012 15:09

So would I be, seething, school should have rung you, your poor dd. defiantly ask to see head and ask what the hell they think they playing at!

pigsinmud · 07/03/2012 15:18

Yanbu. Useless matron with no ice pack. Ice packs get thrown around freely at childrens' schools.

Greentown you are obviously not shy. I have suffered from shyness all my life and it is not as easy as just speaking up. The turmoil I went/go through over things I wanted to do, but just couldn't make myself do. It winds me up when people assume a shy person should just get over it or take a deep breath - it can be like a physical force stopping you. I know that if my ds1 was in the op's child's position, he wouldn't have said anything.

Debsbear · 07/03/2012 15:25

I'd be furious but shouting and losing your temper won't achieve anything. Firstly try to establish the facts, there must be a record of all injuries and the treatment given. I'd point out that the schools delay in doing anything has resulted in a delay in treatment from the hospital and state that you are not happy that you were not informed. If you are honest, what would you have done if the school had rung you? As far as they were concerned there was no major injury so a phonecall would have been along the lines of "your daughter has injured her wrist but there seems no real cause for concern". Would you have rushed over to the school, or (as I would have done) waited until she got home from school to see what she had done?

Hopandaskip · 07/03/2012 16:18

I think I would be having a long talk with my kid and telling them that if they are ever hurting that bad again (not small stuff, big stuff that they are worried about something is seriously wrong) then insist on using the phone to call me. If they won't let you then go somewhere (toilets??) and use your cellphone and we will deal with the school later. Better to have a week of detention than injure yourself further.

greentown · 07/03/2012 16:51

AwkwardMary + schilke - I think you may be jumping the gun when you form the impression that 'it's easy for me to say' or that I'm 'obviously not shy'.
After all, this is an anonymous internet forum... I may well be very shy in person.
I may also have formed the view that I wish my parents had taken a more proactive approach to dealing with that shyness when I was young rather than leaving me to my own devices and taking the view that any 12 or 13 year old actually knows what's best for them.
There's a place for hands-off parenting and oh boy, there is definitely a place for hands-on parenting.
Far too many kids have their lives blighted by shyness/reticence and they're not able to fix it themselves - so it has got to be up to their parents to help them/do something about it. It's tough - but essential.

AwkwardMary · 07/03/2012 18:13

No Green YOU are jumping the gun....the OP did not say she was not proactive about helping her DD with the shyness...nor did I say that about mine.

pigsinmud · 07/03/2012 18:32

Greentown you are right that I assumed you were not shy and you may well be. I just don't think it is easy to sort out. Bloody hell I tried. My big thing was speaking in front of the class. I could do it by the time I left school at 18, but I spent days worrying about it, sleepless nights etc... My confidence grew at uni and working afterwards, however now I am a sahm the same old shyness has returned - in fact I am much more anxious than I used to be.

I remember reading a book about bringing up children (can't remember who had written it), but it described shyness as a flaw that must be cured. I just see it as part of someone's character.

My children are much better at public speaking than I was. I have encouraged them to join clubs. I hear the same comments at Parents evenings that my mother heard at mine - very quiet in class, needs to contribute more. I tell them it's fine to get the answer wrong, just go for it, however I don't follow my own advice as take me to a pub quiz and it's like being back at school for me - too scared to suggest an answer in case it's wrong!

If Morrissey said that I don't like him any more! Shyness stopped me doing loads of things I wanted to do. The things I had to do, well, I still had to do just full of worry.

Sorry totally off the op's original topic!

Original poster
mogwhistle · 07/03/2012 22:14

Good evening everyone I just wanted to give an up-date on DD1. I kept her off school today as per Dr's advice at the hospital. I took DD2 to school and asked at Reception if I could have a word with the Head of Year.

I was calm and explained my concerns re PE teacher not referring for medical treatment straight away (turns out matron or First Aid Officer as Head of Year referred to her) does not start work until 10.20 am and the injury occurred at around 9.10 am WTF?! I also mentioned lack of ice-pack and applying Deep Heat and not contacting me to let me know what had happened and Head of Year promised to find answers and ask First Aid Officer 'matron' to call me when she arrived at work.

Anyways I wasn't contacted by the First Aid Officer but received a call at 3.20 pm from the Office Manager who had spoken to her. According to FAO DD1's hand and wrist wasn't swollen and the Office Manager reckons DD1 would have been told to go back to see her if swelling did occur later in the day. Well according to DD1 AND DD2 who accompanied her to see the FAO, DD1's hand was swollen, DD1 asked for some ice and at no time was she advised to go back if swelling/pain got worse .

It seems they are saying one thing and my DD's are saying opposite so I'm still not happy - I understand that fractures can be hard to spot but my biggest complaint is that I wasn't informed. I know my daughter and I would have gone to the school to see her myself so that I could make the decision on whether or not she required to see a Dr.

OP posts:
mummytime · 07/03/2012 22:26

The school are trying to cover themselves, but they were in the wrong. Most schools cover themselves by phoning more than necessary, which is wiser.
I would probably send in a written letter to the head, explaining that a lack of proper first aid has added to the injury. You can also make clear your concerns over the Matron not being there for part of the school day, and ask the names of the other qualified first aiders on the premises (they cannot legally operate without one); you may also ask about her professional competence.

I wonder how up to date her training is.

Viewofthehills · 07/03/2012 22:27

First aid is RICE- Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation
I can think of no reason why you would use Deep Heat on an acute injury as it would increase the inflammation. What are the Matron's qualifications?

Hope your DD is feeling a bit more comfortable tonight.

AwkwardMary · 07/03/2012 23:13

Yes they are trying to cover themselves which is why the office called you and not the matron....it's a way to close ranks isnt it?

I would write...complain in writing nd ask why no first aid provision is in place from 9.oo. Also tell them that no....nbody told DD to return if it swelled and you want assurance that this wont happen to another child.