About to sack CM, but need help

[DuchessofPsmith]

My name changed because, frankly, I'm scared.

We've had her since September to look after our (now) 23-mo DC and are beyond exasperation. She's repeatedly proven that his care, development, even health &safety, is pretty low down her list of priorities. Also, we're recently really cottoning on to just how much she's lied to us, and how skilled she is at it (deflection, elaboration, etc). (examples to follow).

I'm pretty well versed in employment law (anyway, she's on sole trader status) and we're getting alternative care lined up, so I'm not too worried about those fronts. But I am REALLY dreading the confrontation! She has a hair-trigger defensive button: we can't even discuss general things or ask a totally benign question without worrying about her flying off the handle. So we honestly don't know what she's capable of.

So I guess what I need is both moral support and, if you have any, some strategy. Do I have any "big guns" I can pull if need be? For instance, we've paid her to the end of the month (and she also owes us for a day last week), what if she refuses to work any more? Can I grass her up to NCMA or Ofsted, for instance?

Many thanks!

Examples here, if you're still not finished reading...

1. Her first attraction was because she's a qualified instructor in a sport we'd like DC to do. She's said she's taught him some of this, but we've seen no photos, video, and all attempts on our part to come and see him do it have been fobbed off.

1. We didn't know this until it was resolved, but she had been driving our DC (and others) around in a car that had no MOT (or presumably insurance) and was unroadworthy from October til January.

1. She's misrepresented what the day nursery said about his progress and her part in it - She said they were moving him up to the 3+ room because he's so brilliant, and can they start having him 5 mornings a week? Turns out they had told her that he can't even move up to the 2+ room when he turns 2 because, although "academically" he's doing well, socially he's lagging, because of his - exact word they used - sporadic attendance (she's the one who is supposed to bring him, and has changed his time to suit her schedule).

1. Similar lies about what the doctor said. She'd tell us the doctor said he had to stay away from her other children (and the day nursery) for XX days, when (on at least this last occasion, when I actually checked), the doctor had not specified a timescale, just a "symptom scale" which DC had passed.

1. The day journal is sporadically filled out, and she's defended one whole day not having any information at all because my partner had collected DC early. In other words, she waits til the end of the day to fill in everything? Also, any requests to see his development book have also been fobbed off.

1. One of the first things I specified to prospective childminders was "no smoking". She doesn't but she has a live-in partner who does. I'm not sure he doesn't around the children, but I know he's done it in the house, even though she swears blind she doesn't let him. Also, at base, we hadn't known he was a live-in partner when we first interviewed her, and his smoking would have been a deal-breaker.

1. She lets her dogs poo in the garden the children play in. DC has come home with poo on his shoes - I used to think they had the worst luck on their walks to the park, etc, before I twigged.

Is she a nanny or childminder??

Her 'duties' as described aren't usual childminder ones.

Look OP, I am exactly the same. I absolutely LOATHE confrontation, I really, really dread it, get tongue tied, get terribly nervous, then upset. I can't help it, I have always been that way. However, when you are a mum you sometimes have to just do these things.

Do you have a DP/DH? Could they help? What about if when you pick DC up you just say "I'm sorry to say that we are not happy about quite alot of things that have been happening and so we will not be coming back" then if you like you could hand her a letter detailing the things that you were unhappy about also enclose a cheque for the notice period and then just leave.

Dwarf throwing,infant handgliding? really folks?.....

mummytime-OFSTED only gave my exCM a warning re various people who were live in and live out not being CRB checked. In my mind, they should have deregistered her then, it would have least have prevented my child being looked after by her when she was arrested for drink driving a couple of months later, as she was accompanied by one of the non CRB checked people when she was drunk- I have no way of knowing whether she was actually drunk or drinking when she was looking after my child, so I assume the worst that she was and also several other people have told me she was.

OFSTED failed miserably in safeguarding with my ex CM and it just brought home to me how unregulated the whole business is, as when things get too dodgy with the CM, the CM can just decide to give the job up and then OFSTED have no jurisdiction over her- and that was what OFSTED told me when I complained!!

Bellstar I think they're meant to be jokes. So no, not really.

You're scared of your CM and how she'll react to confrontation and you're sending your 23mo child to her

What exactly do you think she might do your your DC if she's angry? Maybe just shout at him, maybe shake or hit him? Maybe have a strop and ignore him?

I'd give notice and not send my child back. Plus I'd report to OFSTED at least knowing I'd done my best to inform them and therefore hope they'd protect any other children in her 'care'.

I'm with Bellstar.....someone trying to liven up a dull Tuesday afternoon......the whole post seems silly

She sounds unfit to look after children. I think you should take your child out of her care straight away and not pay her any further money. She is in breach of contract failing to take your child to nursery.

Frankly I think you have to take a financial hit. There is no way that you send a helpless toddler to someone that you are scared of.

Personally I don't get the problem with the day book. Would prefer CM to be concentrating on dc than paperwork, so writing a summary of the day at the end would do for me.

Also the sport thing with a 23month old I would expect them to be doing some 'active' things and exercise but not specific sport training.

Agree with someone previously who said taking dc to Dr is not a childminder's job. That should be a parent or another trusted adult who has been known to you for a long while e.g. a grandparent.

Anyway all that aside, she is still clearly unsuitable to care for your dc if she has been using unsafe car/leaving poo in play area/lying to you. So you need to give your notice. If it were me I would not send my dc back there during the notice as getting my money's worth would not be worth the risk of my child's safety.

I was nervous about terminating contract with ds's CM many moons ago.

I didn't like her and was a bit scared of her so I do understand.

I was concerned she'd be unreliable or less caring towards my ds during her notice period.

So we decided to cut our losses. Colllected ds, rang her that night to terminate contract, sent her cheque for a month's work and never took ds back again. We muddled through with holiday and stuff til we got him into a day nursery 2 weeks later. So much better!

We also left his travel cot there but who cares!

ps I would say some things on your list of her 'crimes' are legit eg dog shitting in garden and no MOT on car. But other stuf is a bit precious to be honest - I wouldn't expect photos of activities or great detail about nursery.

That's the best idea OP, do what proud suggests, one of you call her tonight after picking up DS.

I find the list of crimes very odd. The sport, journal and doctors are utterly irrelevant, the other stuff deal breakers though.

Am also shocked that OP continues to use her but not surprised. I was friends with a nanny who reported another nanny to her employer for drug use because my friend was concerned for the non verbal child the druggie nanny was (not) taking care of. The mother wasn't the slightest bit interested. Also knew big big earners in the City who would skimp on childcare and pay their often non English speaking cleaners to look after their children. Just....crap.

at bellstar I think they might not be serious about the toddler handgliding and dwarf tossing though DS1 would definitely love that provision.

I agree you should remove him. But these shocked at childcare threads do make me wonder how much higher posters standards are for their chilcare than themselves.

My cleaner would be a great nanny from what I can work, she LOVES DS2 and often does the cleaning whilst carrying him round on her hip. Mind you I probably wouldn't ask her to CM.

Hmm, here are my thoughts:

1, irrelevent - unless part of the agreement was that you would have evidence
2, does she have a policy on this? - she should have a policy on driving which you can site in your official complaint to Ofsted and when you give your notice.
3, I don't think it's your childminder's job to be talking to the nursery - this is your respnsibility
4, Same for doctors (I agree she has demonstrated less that adequate performance but it isn't her job to take your child to the doctors)
5, What is wrong with waiting until the end of the day? Most childminders do - in fact there is no obligation to fill in any kind of day journal and I don't see this as an issue in the slightest - I doubt many CMs carry day journals about, poised to detail every event of their day with each child in their care
6, This man should have had a CRB, if you aren't satisfied that he has, remove your child IMMEDIATELY! check your CMs policy on smoking. As far as I understand, there can be no smoking on the premises in minding time, but other times are fair game (stand to be corrected!)
7, She should have a risk assesment on this - has she?

Bottom line is - if you're not happy, take out your child. And make an offical complaint to Ofsted. They will investigate and if it is upheld then you're doing other children a service.

There are better childminders out there

@ 'dwarf tossing' etc and even harder at the people who think the OP is serious about that!

Just bin the CM - she sounds like a nightmare and I'm quite sure you don't need it.

I still want to know what the sport is!

1. Terminate contract in writing.

1. Remove DS immediately, fuck the cash. Really what's wrong with you that you still send your child to this person?

1. You and DP take holiday/use the day nursery until new arrangements are in place.

I reckon it's sky diving and the land is the drop zone

Are you worried you will have no other child care for DS if she doesn't work all the notice?

I can understand that as I expect the boss will not be happy with you or DH suddenly saying you can't come to work until you find another child minder.

Can't you phone the council? Do they have a list of childminders in your area? I owuld be on the phone today trying ot find a new one.

I think your CM sounds like a nightmare and I would remove DS today. There is no way I would allow someone to care for my child, who thought it was ok to drive around in an uninsured/mot car. I would also tell ofsted.

3 things strike me..

1, that anyone would leave their baby with someone hey didn't trust because they were scared of having a spat.

2, the drs thing.. That's a parents job surely

3, that belstar doesn't believe in dwarf tossing and infant hang gliding

Maybe it's falconry and the babies are the lures? Or maybe banger racing..

Over the years we have employed (and sacked) a number of CMs and part time nannies.

We gave one nanny her notice after only three months. She would be late in the mornings with no apologies or excuses. The fact that we were waiting at the front door with coats and shoes on was too subtle a hint for her to take [roll eyes]. One mum told us how she almost crashed into the nanny because the nanny was late dropping off my kids and had shot the lights.

The final straw was when she was driving the kids to school and she got spooked by a siren blaring ambulance. She hit the curb so hard that she burst a tyre. The next day we gave her 3 weeks money and told her not to bother coming back the next day.

Alarm bells should have rang when at her interview she said she was driving her dad's car because she had reversed her own down a bank (wet leaves was the excuse)

Anyway, it was obvious that my kids were being endangered by this women and it was only a question of when something bad was going to happen. Sod the cost or inconvenience. Get rid of the CM quickly. Your DCs well being isn't worth the risk

I can understand why the OP is anxious. This happened to a friend of mine and the cm badmouthed her and her child to the whole neighbourhood and school in revenge.

I'm amazed that people leave their children in these situations!!

Am staggered that you clearly feel your child is not being cared for properly but are leaving them there because you're afraid to talk to childminder... Am wondering what sports training a nearly 2 year old would do ...

to answer your op - just tell her you're taking your child out , pay whatever notice you have to and thats it.