About to sack CM, but need help

[DuchessofPsmith]

My name changed because, frankly, I'm scared.

We've had her since September to look after our (now) 23-mo DC and are beyond exasperation. She's repeatedly proven that his care, development, even health &safety, is pretty low down her list of priorities. Also, we're recently really cottoning on to just how much she's lied to us, and how skilled she is at it (deflection, elaboration, etc). (examples to follow).

I'm pretty well versed in employment law (anyway, she's on sole trader status) and we're getting alternative care lined up, so I'm not too worried about those fronts. But I am REALLY dreading the confrontation! She has a hair-trigger defensive button: we can't even discuss general things or ask a totally benign question without worrying about her flying off the handle. So we honestly don't know what she's capable of.

So I guess what I need is both moral support and, if you have any, some strategy. Do I have any "big guns" I can pull if need be? For instance, we've paid her to the end of the month (and she also owes us for a day last week), what if she refuses to work any more? Can I grass her up to NCMA or Ofsted, for instance?

Many thanks!

Examples here, if you're still not finished reading...

1. Her first attraction was because she's a qualified instructor in a sport we'd like DC to do. She's said she's taught him some of this, but we've seen no photos, video, and all attempts on our part to come and see him do it have been fobbed off.

1. We didn't know this until it was resolved, but she had been driving our DC (and others) around in a car that had no MOT (or presumably insurance) and was unroadworthy from October til January.

1. She's misrepresented what the day nursery said about his progress and her part in it - She said they were moving him up to the 3+ room because he's so brilliant, and can they start having him 5 mornings a week? Turns out they had told her that he can't even move up to the 2+ room when he turns 2 because, although "academically" he's doing well, socially he's lagging, because of his - exact word they used - sporadic attendance (she's the one who is supposed to bring him, and has changed his time to suit her schedule).

1. Similar lies about what the doctor said. She'd tell us the doctor said he had to stay away from her other children (and the day nursery) for XX days, when (on at least this last occasion, when I actually checked), the doctor had not specified a timescale, just a "symptom scale" which DC had passed.

1. The day journal is sporadically filled out, and she's defended one whole day not having any information at all because my partner had collected DC early. In other words, she waits til the end of the day to fill in everything? Also, any requests to see his development book have also been fobbed off.

1. One of the first things I specified to prospective childminders was "no smoking". She doesn't but she has a live-in partner who does. I'm not sure he doesn't around the children, but I know he's done it in the house, even though she swears blind she doesn't let him. Also, at base, we hadn't known he was a live-in partner when we first interviewed her, and his smoking would have been a deal-breaker.

1. She lets her dogs poo in the garden the children play in. DC has come home with poo on his shoes - I used to think they had the worst luck on their walks to the park, etc, before I twigged.

Pay her off and remove your children, you obviously don't like or trust this woman. The car would be enough for me without anything else.

I'm assuming either riding or watersports, Ragwort, if it involves buildings and land (would love it to be Infant Hanggliding or Toddler Caving, though!)

I would remove your child today- as others have said, just the car would be enough for me. Does she also mind other children and do their parents know?

I was in a similar situation last Oct with my now ex CM- to cut a long story short, I was the last of all my childminders parents to find out she had been smoking and drinking at home while at work, boyfriend non CRB checked, pond unfenced in garden, house a dirty mess and then she got arrested for drink driving twice- she gave up CM before OFsted could get her. I did complain to OFSTED as there had been complaints about her to them and they had done a spot check and warned her about the house and the pond and CRB about 2 months previously. OFSTEd basically did not care at all as my child was over 8 yrs and I am completely disgusted with them and their so-called child protection.

I have new child care now but have really struggled with trusting my child to anyone as I feel I did not protect her enough and if I ever saw my ex CM again I would feel like decking her for making me so sad and angry.

Dwarf tossing, actually, Ragwort and Lottie. But she practices with toddlers because they're not unionised. Neither Infant hanggliding nor Toddler Caving requires buildings, really.

Guys, thanks for the help. I'm going to try to get some work done now, maybe keep my day job.

If you're that worried about her reaction and the standard of care, why don't you just pay her notice and take DC out as soon as you've told her and take the financial hit?

If you are unhappy with her and her ability as a cm, just take dc out today and say he wont be coming back and pay what she is due.
Your child, your choice.

Bearing in mind your concerns, and you do have alot which are really quite serious I would take dc out right away despite the hassle of finding other childcare. Pay the notice period and just leave. Then if you want to challenge her you can or if you want to leave it then you can. I definitely wouldn't keep my dc there.

Another voice saying take your kids out today If you think she's slack now, what will she be like when she has no further incentive to do a good job?

Report her to OFSTED for leaving dog poo where the kids play. That is totally unacceptable in itself let alone allowing them to tread in it and not cleaning it up. They also need to know she has a partner living with her, has he been CRB'ed? The smoking may also be of interest to them.

I would be tempted to give her no notice but pay her in lieu. I would not trust her to look after my child TBH.

Why are you so worried that she'll refuse to work out her notice? You can't be seriously considering allowing this person to care for your son for another month just so you can get your money's worth???
Pay her in lieu of notice and move on.

Why on earth would you want your child to be looked after by her for one more day ??

By all means report her to OFSTED but if necessary, use leave to look after your DC until you have a new CM in place.

As others have said, she is not your staff and cannot sack her. She offers a service as a self employed person and you pay for it. You agreed to her terms and conditions when you signed a contract (hopefully!) so check what her required notice period is.

You can always withdraw your child immediately but will still be liable to pay for your notice period.

Don't know why the nursery is communicating with the cm instead of you regarding your Childs progress? Or the doctor?
With regards the daily diary, I fill in mine either at lunch or end of day - nothing wrong with that as otherwise I am looking after the children in my care.

Personally I don't believe that you are 'well versed in employment law' if you want to 'grass her in' and don't quite grasp her self employed status and usual duties of a childminder. Is she your childminder or nanny?

The best person to look after your own child is you, i cant believe you have left your child with this women while all this has been going on, forget working notice i would pay her notice but wouldnt let her near my child to work it, you need to report this & explain whats been going on to offsed , before she forgets 2 mot her car AGAIN and has a crash with somone elses children in, doesnt bare thinking about what could of gone wrong, oh well supose you have been far to busy then to worry about the safely of your child, u seemed more bothered with weather or not hes played sports that day, then his care , there not little for long , your loss just be more carefull when picking a childminder next time ur palming off your child on someone

Ofsted would be veryp interested if her live in partner has not been CRB checked. The car issue should be a buggy too, as both of these would fall under the area of safeguarding.

Btw it was the 'grass her in' comment that irked me, yes report to ofsted but don't refer to it as 'grassing her in' - this sound vindictive and not very professional.

Aquafunf on the first page has it. Despite all this catalogue of H&S disasters and other stuff YOU STILL TAKE HIM THERE?

I was approached by someone years ago who was unhappy with their CM and had been since they started using her 3 YEARS BEFORE! Her ds was being left alone outside a betting shop on a regular basis whilst the CM's husband who'd taken him on an outing would go in to place bets. She knew this and had left the situation for that long. I discovered later that cost was a huge part. She wanted to pay £60 for a fulltime week.

I don't usually 'shout' at people on here but this is your child we're talking about. Your role is to protect him. I would not send my dcs into situations at friends' houses like your describing yet you're paying for the priviledge.

Get some emergency time off. Get a new CM or nursery sorted pronto and cut your losses with this 'CM'. And def report her. Though if she's been driving round in an uninsured and untaxed car I doubt whether she'll actually bother with something as dull as maintaining her ofsted registration.

I'm truly staggered at your blase attitude. I know what it's like to be desperate and a working parent, but please, don't take him anymore.

Sorry for typos. Just too for brain to work properly!

Just take him out. I did when I found out that ds1's nursery were treating him badly. I didn't feel up to confronting them (I was far meeker in those days) so I left a phone message saying I was giving a month's notice and sent a letter recorded delivery. Just paid the month but never sent him back.

Yep, agree. Once the trust is gone, you can't send him there any more. The car, the poo, and also, the sideline businesses would all do it for me...clearly minding is not her priority. One 'positive' thing is that you now know what you need to ask any new CM - ie are they doing any other work on the side? Can you see their car insurance and MOT?, who else lives in the house and do they smoke and are they CRB checked etc? Can you see the garden? Is it full of dog poo?

I too hate confrontations but seriously, once your son is safely out of her care what can/would she honestly do in the form of revenge?

I had to do this recently, yes it was nasty, but once it was done, I breathed a sigh of relief and bagged myself a fantastic new minder. I now can't believe I didn't get out sooner.

Shame on you for leaving your child with this woman.

Infant handgliding?

*But I am REALLY dreading the confrontation! She has a hair-trigger defensive button: we can't even discuss general things or ask a totally benign question without worrying about her flying off the handle. So we honestly don't know what she's capable of".

And yet you are still sending your child to this woman. Someone who you say you don't know what she's capable. Literally unbelievable.

But I am REALLY dreading the confrontation! She has a hair-trigger defensive button: we can't even discuss general things or ask a totally benign question without worrying about her flying off the handle. So we honestly don't know what she's capable of

And yet you are still sending your child to this woman. Someone who you say you don't know what she's capable. Literally unbelievable.

blimey, too shocked to write either post properly!
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