To think my aunt was ridiculous over this response to her son?

[Fishpond]

My aunt has twin 4-year-olds, a boy and a girl. She is a HUGE proponent of gender separation, the girl likes everything pink and mummy-ish, the boy likes blue and tractors and trucks - IMO not because they LIKE these things as much as they were pushed on them since they were infants.

Anyway, I went to buy them a couple of carseats for my car not too long ago. The boy wanted a pink one like his sister, because he thought it was cool. I was totally fine with it and would have bought it had there been 2. As such, there was only 1, so I bought it first and installed it. Came back and explained the situation to the twins & their mother. She promptly went "Don't you dare buy him a pink car seat - he is a BOY he does not need anything pink. Pink is for girls."

Of course he then parroted his mother the rest of the time "pink is for girls, I don't want it now," whereas before, we'd had a lovely chat about how every colour is for everyone and a particular colour isn't just for one gender or the other. I spoke to her privately and asked was it really a huge deal for him to have a pink carseat in MY car - it's not as if she would have ever seen it, they only ride with me maybe once every week or two, and no one else would even know!! Her response was "Because eventually he will know that pink is for girls and he will hate it and want you to buy him a new one." I got tiffed and said that it was only the perpetuation of these gender stereotypes that would lead him to think that later.

Anyway - not wanting to cause a huge family row I bought him the black & tan carseat.

Who was BU?

(BTW: The car seat was not 100% pink - here is a link to it and its "masculine" equivalent: "boy" and "girl"

She is right though - in about 6 months he will refuse to sit in it

You should go ahead and buy it, then you can be smug short term, and she will be long term

Win-win

I have a feeling that the lovely chat about how colour is for everyone and a particular colour isn't just for one gender or the other wasn't initiated by the four-year-old

Think you are being a bit disingenuous here OP

i have 'boy' twins... one is still wearing his big sisters old pink pj's and the other is dressed up like a fairy...including wings... Do i think this will affect them later on if life....No

We have friends who insist that their boys only do 'masculine' games - rough and tumble/ football/power rangers etc... first thing he does when he comes here is run to the dressing up box ... watching a grown man wrestle a princess costume of a determined 5 yr old is a site worth seeing ;)

But until 1940 pink was for Boys and blue for girls

An article in the trade publication Earnshaw's Infants' Department in June 1918 said: "The generally accepted rule is pink for the boys, and blue for the girls. The reason is that pink, being a more decided and stronger color, is more suitable for the boy, while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl." From then until the 1940s, pink was considered appropriate for boys because being related to red it was the more masculine and decided color, while blue was considered appropriate for girls because it was the more delicate and dainty color, or related to the Virgin Mary. Since the 1940s, the societal norm was inverted; pink became considered appropriate for girls and blue appropriate for boys, a practice that has continued into the 21st century.

CoffeeDog My DD spends the day running around with a foam sword shouting I'm a Pirate yarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, they're wonderful arn't they i would love to have a little boy i may finally get someone in the house to wear a dress

i wouldnt care about it being pink, but i wouldnt buy it for a boy because he probably would refuse to get in it eventually, whatever you think.

Id refuse to buy pink for either of them tbh, to save argumnents. If youre that against gender stereotypes, why would you buy pink for a girl??

I agree with Dinah, also it seems that you are forcing your opinions about gender stereotyping on her.

YABU, and a little mad.

said 4 year old boy says "i want the same as my sister"

any normal person would buy red or black.

presumably the car seat is meant to last some time-what are you to do when, a few weeks later the boy says "little jimmy at nursery says pink is a sissy colour, I dont want to sit in that seat."

you might not agree with this childs parents on this issue, but i think you are being unreasonable to make it into an issue. WHAT is the big issue. And, incidentally, i do not subscribe to the view that boys and girls naturally like the same stuff if parents give them neutral toys- just my experience.

Personally I wouldn't of buy anything pink for my DS. But if someone else did I wouldn't give a flying fook! I get fed up of 'boy' colours and often put him in unisex stuff

Gender stereotyping is still around it really gets on my nerves , I cant stand all this pink for girls blue for boys , fairy wings for girl trucks for boys sigh YANBU your aunt is ,

MY eldest dd is a grown up she loved cars when she was little for her 2nd christmas she got cars and a carmatt my dad said CArs you will turn her WHAT !!! so i think he meant if she played with cars would make her a lesbian ,

Four is too old to have a girl's seat. It's different to a boy's pink polo shirt. Tbh, I can't see why any child needs a seat with hideous pink stripes. Both my dd and ds have fairly nondescript grey carseats.

The Mother's choice

The mum is being ridiculous, although I try not to buy pink things for my DDs (they get enough bought for them as it is) as the more neutral colours just look nicer anyway.

I have had chats about gender roles with my 4yo dd, I don't see why that is strange - what am I meant to do, just nod when she says that football is for boys etc? She has also asked directly why girls get different toys, and what feminism is (from reading over my shoulder) I would hope that anyone would challenge racism, homophobia etc, so why not sexism?

It makes me so sad to see people forcing gender roles on to children :-(

Also, DD gets all sorts of pink crap bought for her and I grin and bear it - presents are presents, and so the mum should just be thanking you. The only present I have lost was a set of high heel shoes for a 2yo, because, well, wtf?

It is the mother's choice what she has in her car. As long as it is not damaging her children, which a pink car seat isn't, she needs to stfu.

He wanted a pink seat like his sister. He is 4 not 10!!

The mum is being ridiculous - you give them lifts a couple of times a week. It's not like it's all the time.

Why this adamant refusal to even entertain it? YANBU.

Just get black/brown/grey carseats and quit trying to push your gender-neutral stuff on people. Do you not think parents should be able to make up their own minds on this? And do you not see that you are as much in the wrong as she is?

Mystery to me why people can't just get on with stuff without making a bloody ishooo of everything.

She is being ridiculous. The amount of little boys round here on pink micro scooters because their older sister has grown out of it would probably make her brain explode, but sure as hell isn't bothering anyone else.

Couldn't you sit the Aunt down in front of that stupid Joop advert they start True Blood with? That should convince her it's a rampently masculine shade and no mistake ...

The reason everything comes in blue and pink is so they can sell twice as much of everything.

Gosh, I would have just bought two 'neutral' carseats, I think. Why does a girl need a pink carseat any more than a boy? I know what you mean - boys shouldn't be 'banned' from pink. But keeps it more simple to not get so-called 'gender-specific' coloured carseats. It's just a carseat!!

YANBU.
And it is nice and generous of you to buy car seats for your own car, in order to make her kids safe and her life easier while you drive them places. I think she has a bit of a nerve telling you what you can buy for your own car, really!

If my niece was thoughtful enough to do this, and was providing childcare/transportation and doing activities with my children, she could put them in a nice safe carseat with a screenprint of david cameron's face, and I'd still say "thank you!"

Your car, your choice .

TBH really doesn't seem worth fighting about.

YANBU. It makes me sad that people want to limit their kids so early on.

But there's nothing you can do.

I agree with those saying go for nuetral colours for both. If the child's mind was changed so easily by the mum then chances are in 6 months he will be refusing to use the pink one. Ds1 is 6 and loves pink. Last summer he had 4 pink t shirts that he lived in. All other t shirts were only worn if one of his pink ones were not available. I have no problem with that but when he requested a pink bike I refusd as IF in 6 months time he decides pink is for girls it would be alot of money wasted. We compromised on red. Ds2 does not suit pink clothes really so he probably won't have them.

SofiaAmes from what i understand OP is not dressing the child in pink she has bought him a pink car seat which he liked and wanted. The Aunt is being ridiculous beyond belief. Poor kid. I had a friend like that whose poor DS used to come here to play, get out the dressing up box and make a bee line for the pink feather boa and the purple tutu. My friend would be so embarrassed saying "No, no no, pink is for girls, take it off you look silly".

Lentilly she wasn't pushing it on the child, he asked for it!