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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not pay my "share" of the bill

44 replies

fishyfairy · 05/03/2012 14:44

Please bear with me as this is a bit rambly and very childish.

I went out for supper last week with a group of "friends". During the meal they were behaving atrociously - throwing stuff around, swearing very loudly, generally being oiks - and I asked them to stop. One of them responded that he'd put my head on the grill thing on the table! I was a bit pissed at the time, and got quite upset about this. I absented myself from the table and had a little cry in the loo, then went back and said to DH that I was going to leave as I didn't want to create a scene, but I wasn't going to be around behaviour like that or be spoken to as I was. I took my coat and then left the building just as the main courses arrived at the table.

By the time I had got home (about 15 minutes) one of the party had posted on facebook that I had left without paying the bill, and that I was due the "scabber of the year" award. Now I did leave without paying, but I was very upset at the time, and I also left without eating. Nobody has mentioned my share of the bill or has asked for anything from me, nor have they been bothered about how upset I was. I've also been told from other people there that the rude "friends" demolished mine and DH's meals.

DH has now got his knickers in a twist about paying the bill, and I don't really want to. I accept that we ordered food so should pay for it, but given that I wasn't given the opportunity to pay, and was slagged off on facebook before I had the chance to sort out paying my share, I feel a bit backed into a corner. I feel like my integrity has been called into question, and if I pay it'll be said I've only done it because I was embarrassed, and I also highly doubt that any apology or retraction would be made regarding the original slight. I still don't know how much is due and who to.

As I said, it's very childish, but would I be terribly unreasonable if I didn't pay?

OP posts:
curbyburr · 05/03/2012 14:46

Are you posting on behalf of a 12 year old who was in this situation?

Clytaemnestra · 05/03/2012 14:47

Yes. But understandably unreasonable.

But, these guys aren't your friends, so ditch them off Facebook and you won't have to hear them whining anymore.

sunshineandbooks · 05/03/2012 14:48

YANBU. Meet their 'anger' (which is actually defensive because they probably know they are in the wrong) with righteous anger of your own. Go on and on how disgusted you were with their behaviour. Anything else will leave you open to accusations of being a 'victim' (said in a disparaging way) and possibly future bullying. You need to make it clear you won't stand for this.

I would also find myself a new group of friends TBH. If you fall out with the current ones over this, it won't exactly be a loss, will it.

LaurieFairyCake · 05/03/2012 14:48

Don't pay.

don't see them again.

Hope your DH left with you!

laptopdancer · 05/03/2012 14:50

Did your dh stay for the meal when you left?

DamnBamboo · 05/03/2012 14:50

Don't meet anything.

Just ignore it.

Silence speaks volumes sometimes; this is one of those times.

lesley33 · 05/03/2012 14:51

If I was you I would pay and reevaluate if I wanted to remain friends with any of these people in the future. After all you did order the food. I know others ate it, but justifiably they could say they wouldn't have ordered it themselves, but didn't want it to go to waste.

I would ignore the facebook thing. If you don't pay these "friends" could in the future slag you off to other people saying she ordered all this food, then walked out in a huff and refused to pay.

I think in these types of situations you want to leave yourself in a situation where it couldn't be presented to someone else as if you were in the wrong - which i know you are not, because you did intend to pay.

Sorry you have had a hard time like this.

controlpantsandgladrags · 05/03/2012 14:51

well if they ate the food you ordered no you shouldn't pay. Don't see them any more.

DamnBamboo · 05/03/2012 14:53

Most restaurants would not bill you for food is the person who had ordered it had to suddenly up and leave.

They could have told the waitress/manager this but they didn't.

They ate it.

Don't pay a penny.

DamnBamboo · 05/03/2012 14:53

if

sunshineandbooks · 05/03/2012 14:54

My post above applies whether you over-reacted or not. If you were in the wrong yourself, you apologise. It doesn't sound as though you were though. The trouble is I recognise the mentality of these so-called friends and regardless of whether you have over-reacted this is the only way to protect yourself in all future dealings with them. Even if you should pay the act of paying will lead to you being viewed as a doormat who will capitulate when pressure is applied. Hence why I think you should get new friends. My friends wouldn't behave like that in the first place.

GetOrfMoiiLand · 05/03/2012 14:56

They ate it didn't they?

Just ignore them all.

Ignore the FB rows completely. Who cares apart from that sad lot?

Fluffy1234 · 05/03/2012 15:09

You ordered it therefore pay for it.

M25Meltdown · 05/03/2012 15:13

You ordered it, you need to pay for it, you could have asked for a doggy bag and eaten it at home.

The sound vile and common in the extreme.

rookiemater · 05/03/2012 16:20

OP it sounds like you were somewhat tipsy as well if you got so upset about a drunken comment that you went off to cry.

You and your DH leaving would have been a mature protest at your friends unreasonable behaviour had you left money for your food. The fact that the other folks ate it is neither here nor there, perhaps at that point they thought you had already paid for it and didn't want good food to go to waste.

However it's rather hard to know what to do now as presumably the bill was split. The right thing to do I think would be to pick one of the group that wasn't behaving as outrageously as the others and to give them your share to distribute at the next night out . Post on facebook to say that you have done this, but you won't be attending any more nights out as you were embarassed by their behaviour.

FlossieTeacakeShouldFakeIt · 05/03/2012 16:37

These people sound like twats, who are they and why we're you about having dinner with them?

It does soy nd like you over reacted though. Being told your head is going to be put on a grill isn't very nice, but nor is it worthy of a schoolgirly cry in the toilets and a flounce.

You ordered the food, you should pay. You could have left money on your way out, or asked the waiter to take your money separately. Saying you weren't given the opportunity to pay is a bit of a pathetic cop out. If you had wanted to pay (which you should have done) you could have.

mingofmongo · 05/03/2012 16:48

If you were drunk and out of line then perhaps swallow your pride and pay.

If you were drunk but they were out of line, then fuck no. They ruined the meal so they can pay for it.

The FB scabber comment alone is enough to ditch them, TBH. It shows no respect and sounds like they spent the rest of the meal slagging you off.

Eggrules · 05/03/2012 16:50

You ordered the food and left as it arrived and so should have left money to cover your portion of the bill.

Was your bill split over the remaining group.
Were your meals eaten by a few or all.

The FB post was uncalled for but was a result of too much drink.

Do you intend to socialise with any of these people again?

lisaro · 05/03/2012 16:53

Love your name, fishyfairy

PuppyMonkey · 05/03/2012 16:53

Them what ate it should pay for it IMHO.

So did your DH stay?

grumblinalong · 05/03/2012 16:57

YANBU - you didn't even eat the food FGS because of their behaviour.

SauvignonBlanche · 05/03/2012 16:59

Glad I wasn't at the same restaurant.

Original poster
fishyfairy · 05/03/2012 17:03

I know I overreacted but I was on edge because of their behaviour beforehand (not drip feeding, just don't want to do a whole petty list of why these people were irritating me). The irritation and the booze made me upset, whereas normally I'd have brushed it off a bit better. I hope. I think that it was a case of I was drunk but they were out of line.

I guess I should be asking that whilst I know I'm being unreasonable, is it justifiable. I think my conscience is telling me no, but my stubborn streak is telling me yes.

We don't know who paid, as we've been soundly ignored since the meal, not that it's any real loss. We won't bother seeing these people again, as they're not really worth mixing with.

DH came home with me. He is probably crosser about the whole thing than I am, but I have dug my heels in like the donkey I am regarding coughing up the cash. I think rookiemater has the most elegant solution - give the money to the least moronic member of the group and draw a line.

I think this isn't an Am I Being Unreasonable, but an I Know I Am Being Unreasonable But....

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 05/03/2012 17:04

If they ate it, they should pay for it.

If they hadn't have eaten it, I'm sure the waiter would have taken it back to the kitchen and not charged for it.

PuppyMonkey · 05/03/2012 17:08

Well I hope whoever you offer the money to has the decency to refuse to accept it. Knobends.