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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel completely gutted by this

41 replies

skintyskintskint · 04/03/2012 22:25

Long story sorry.

Friend A and B. Friend A find friend B over bearing and intense. Just different people. Despite friend A moaning that B's ways are causing her alot of stress friend A goes to all B's get togethers and has her visit her in hospital when friend A has her baby. She told me she was too tired for me to visit.

Friend A and B supposed to be coming to mine for dinner. Friend A cancels cos B has pissed her off. Friend B comes unaware of what i have been told.

One day i am invited to another friends for lunch, Friend A coming too unaware myself and another unrelated friend there too. She arrives at the house, realises its not just her and the other friend and texts host to say she doesnt feel like a crowd.

Then friend A tells me she isnt inviting my dc to her dc birthday party as she is so stressed and needs to have a quiet life.

After all this im feeling perhaps she needs some space or that i stress her out too like friend B and perhaps she has been trying to tell me this all along. Due to dc ages our paths stopped crossing at this time too apart from school run when we say hi. She also has had a thing where she wants to keep her 'head down' at school and so i didnt think anything was any more unusual than normal.

Then i noticed saying hi seemed a bit strained so i text to say hope she is ok, miss seeing her and hope to catch up soon to which she sends a non commital 'hope ur well, see u around'.

Next day bump into her in park go over to the group she is with and she completely ignores me and wont make eye contact. I didnt say anything because i was so surprised and hurt by this plus we were in a group of parents.

I text to say obviously i have upset her or offended her in someway, can we talk about it, sort it out. She doesn't reply.

Meanwhile she is out and about with friend B.

I have done nothing to this girl but try to be a good friend and i have no idea why i am being treated like this. I feel completely gutted that she could be so hurtful when we have been quite close friends.

AIBU to feel completely hurt, pissed off and bewildered.

OP posts:
LentillyFart · 04/03/2012 22:29

Very sorry. I got lost in paragraph 3. Perhaps if someone who can decipher this comes along things may be different but right now I don't know what you're on about.

squeakytoy · 04/03/2012 22:33

Very confusing, but I think it would seem that A doesnt much like your company for some reason... she isnt actually your friend.

Slartybartfast · 04/03/2012 22:34

i think you shoudl lose her number, it sounds like she doesnt want to be your friend but doesnt have the balls to tell you.
sounds limke yhou have plenthf other firends?
i would give up.

kd73 · 04/03/2012 22:35

Please don't refer to Friend A as a friend, putting it politely she is double crossing, lying little minx and does not deserve your time.

Cut her off and move on swiftly, life is too short Wine

NewShooz · 04/03/2012 22:38

yaNbu to feel hurt no. But if I were you, I would probably have given up on her a while ago.
Pick yourself up, forget her, and enjoy spending time with other friends instead.

oldqueenie · 04/03/2012 22:39

she sounds horrible. leave her to it and dont give her any more opportunities to treat you so nastily.

TinkerSailerSoldierSpy · 04/03/2012 22:39

She doesn't seem like the type of person to bother with really. And usually these people only want attention, to have people begging for them, spending nights wondering what they did to upset them, all they want is to have the upper hand in every relationship, so that they can manipulate and play with people. I know this from experience, please, just cut her off, and if when (i know how she works) she trys to regain contact, just brush her off with a simple, hello, I'm busy at the moment sorry. That instantly gives you the upper hand. Believe me, I have had to play these games with a number of people, some may call me a master :o

desperatenotstupid · 04/03/2012 22:44

better off without, simple as that. She sounds like a cunt

Original poster
skintyskintskint · 04/03/2012 22:48

Sorry i know its confusing. It is for me too, even my head was sore trying to type it.

Smacks of bloody playground troubles but unfortunately i have to face this everyday while our dc share a school.

Its a small village. There is no getting away from it.

Best bit is that numerous 'friends' of her have been without doubt cool towards me recently and i had wondered why.

Feel like i have been completely stabbed in the back.

OP posts:
anychocswilldo · 04/03/2012 22:48

I would just leave her to it to b honest. You've tried to sort it and she obviously isn't interested. Not inviting your dc to her dc birthday party was a massive snub. She sounds gutless and a bit odd.

Original poster
skintyskintskint · 04/03/2012 23:00

Feels like such a slap in the face from someone i have literally sat and cried with in hard times. Makes me really feel let down and full of self doubt.

OP posts:
MsF1t · 04/03/2012 23:12

Ah. A village. Try not to get too wound up by it- she sounds like a manipulative cow, tbh, and small places is where they really get to wield a bit of power.

On another note, I am new here and all, but is there any need for people to be quite so snarky with the OP, or is this just de rigueur in AIBU? (Referring to one or two early posts. It's like people are just hanging around waiting for a chance to snipe, sometimes..!)

Original poster
skintyskintskint · 04/03/2012 23:16

msF1t welcome to mn. There's always one. i try to focus on the helpful responses rather than the unhelpful.

Thanks for your reply. Always helps to get pther peoples perspective on things.

OP posts:
MsF1t · 04/03/2012 23:19

Oh, and I might either a) attempt a dignified silence or b) have a chat with a mutual friend: remark that she's behaving rather strangely and eccentrically lately, and you're not sure why. Is she quite well?

Or there is c): paint 'A is a MASSIVE SLAG' in massive letters all round the village, complete with detailed illustrations of her 'doing' other people's husbands.

Original poster
skintyskintskint · 04/03/2012 23:29

not sure my artwork is up to that challenge ;)

OP posts:
CheesyWellingtons · 04/03/2012 23:37

MsF1t it is a bit de rigueur in AIBU sometimes. Mumsnetters are usually a bright bunch though, I'm surprised they are struggling with a simple post like this!

OP - she sounds like a trouble maker and a cow. How very rude to pull out of meals like that - especially when the lunch had been prepared by then. I would give her a wide berth and give it time to blow over - but when it has blown over, I'd just keep your conversations with her light and meaningful and appear busy. With regard to the other people that are being chilly with you - I'd just be aware that they seem a bit sheep-like so be pleasant but don't tell them too much. Village life must be tough when things like this happen. Can you maybe start to do more out of the village and build up other friendship groups.

LadyLazyLongLegs · 04/03/2012 23:46

She sounds like a spoilt madam who thinks the world revolves round her. And how pathetic that her friends are all being cold towards you too, what a load of sheep!

Like Cheesy said I would just let it blow over and then just be polite to her and say hi but don't really have a lot to do with her. I've had a friend in the past that's been a bit cold and off with me for a few months for no apparent reason, and in the end I just let her get on with it, and then although now she's talking to me again I'm quite off with her and just have a bare minimum of conversation, I really cannot be bothered with childish people like that.

Pancakeflipper · 04/03/2012 23:52

The problem is her not you.

I bet she slates off each and everyone of you behind each others. Ack to make sure she is top dog.

Be polite, smile but don't except anything from her. You will not be the only one she treats like this, there will be other 'victims'.

Move on and find people who are not so insecure and not so childish.

springydaffs · 05/03/2012 00:04

Agree that she sounds like a manipulative troublemaker.

What I don't get, or what gets me to be more accurate, is why people fawn all over people like this, who create nothing but chaos and upset

CaoNiMa · 05/03/2012 00:09

Grow up!

BigGirlInASmallWorld · 05/03/2012 00:13

3 things immediately spring to mind

  1. Friend B might have told friend A some lies about you're supposed to have said about her behind her back.

or

  1. Friend A is jealous of your friendship with friend B and wanted you to feel bad about friend B, so you backed off,leaving friend B to friend A

or

  1. Friend A is a fairweather friend for different reasons

or lots of other stuff

lose friend A and friend B

life too short for more than a hello if spoken to first

it is very childish and you seem to be the only grown up

BigGirlInASmallWorld · 05/03/2012 00:16

I would cut them off and if they appear to be interested in your life again. Say you are busy and have to rush off or be very vague.

WildImaginings · 05/03/2012 02:18

YANBU
I've also had situations like this with 'friends' in the past, and can completely understand the hurt you must be feeling.
You are NOT the problem, she sounds like an utter bitch!

georgethecat · 05/03/2012 04:32

Agree with the comment that questions the need to be snarky to posters, there just seems to be a few people who have a tendancy to enjoy spreading poison. If you cant think of anything constructive to say, why be negative? Its just too easy to be vile to people on the internet in a faceless way - maybe you need to grow up?

OP your 'friend' sounds like a dick, find some new people/friendship circles and distance yourself from her, life is too short for her drama.

Ample · 05/03/2012 05:07

As much as it hurts, I would move on and carry on with life.
From my experience with a close friendship of 'three' there is often someone who feels left out. I went through something similar in the past (long before any dc's). There wasn't any explanation for it. It hurts though and it can feel like school all over again.
I got through it by realising that some people are my life for a reason, and some will come and go.

If you feel you haven't done anything wrong, move on. You may want to get down to the bottom of it but you might never know and it will make you miserable thinking about it in the meantime. And by the sounds of it, she is not worth the bother.