To feel completely gutted by this

[skintyskintskint]

Long story sorry.

Friend A and B. Friend A find friend B over bearing and intense. Just different people. Despite friend A moaning that B's ways are causing her alot of stress friend A goes to all B's get togethers and has her visit her in hospital when friend A has her baby. She told me she was too tired for me to visit.

Friend A and B supposed to be coming to mine for dinner. Friend A cancels cos B has pissed her off. Friend B comes unaware of what i have been told.

One day i am invited to another friends for lunch, Friend A coming too unaware myself and another unrelated friend there too. She arrives at the house, realises its not just her and the other friend and texts host to say she doesnt feel like a crowd.

Then friend A tells me she isnt inviting my dc to her dc birthday party as she is so stressed and needs to have a quiet life.

After all this im feeling perhaps she needs some space or that i stress her out too like friend B and perhaps she has been trying to tell me this all along. Due to dc ages our paths stopped crossing at this time too apart from school run when we say hi. She also has had a thing where she wants to keep her 'head down' at school and so i didnt think anything was any more unusual than normal.

Then i noticed saying hi seemed a bit strained so i text to say hope she is ok, miss seeing her and hope to catch up soon to which she sends a non commital 'hope ur well, see u around'.

Next day bump into her in park go over to the group she is with and she completely ignores me and wont make eye contact. I didnt say anything because i was so surprised and hurt by this plus we were in a group of parents.

I text to say obviously i have upset her or offended her in someway, can we talk about it, sort it out. She doesn't reply.

Meanwhile she is out and about with friend B.

I have done nothing to this girl but try to be a good friend and i have no idea why i am being treated like this. I feel completely gutted that she could be so hurtful when we have been quite close friends.

AIBU to feel completely hurt, pissed off and bewildered.

I don't think this is confusing at all skint. What does confuse me is that someone would find it confusing, give up on it and yet still take the time to tell you how s/he doesn't "know what you're on about". Oh well.

However, in my ever lengthening experience there is nothing more bullying or controlling than someoone who takes offence and then refuses to tell you why. Passive aggressive is a term that is bandied about a lot, but this seems to be a perfect example!

Don't give Friend A the satisfaction of knowing you're upset, or indeed Friend B if, as seems possible, she has been shit stirring. You're too good for this kind of caper and you know it

Thank you for all the lovely helpful replies folks.

I plan to rise above this.

I will.

I can do it.

Thank you guys. x

delete friend A, NOW, delete her off facebook and delete her number

she sounds like a bitch and you need to cut her out before she hurts you further

SHE DOES NOT EXIST

practice a polite smile, and banal chit chat

dont even waste time on discussing it with her, really she will make excuses and make you feel worse

Life is too short to waste time on crap friends

She's an immature, insecure cow. Rise above it, spend time with pleasant people and smile at her in a smug manner as you waft past. It will drive her batshit

agree, be very busy and very vague, IF they approach you be distracted and then get a text message and read it half way through, then say OH, sorry, gotta run.........

trust me, this WILL piss them off but its beautifully passive agressive!

Can't you ask friend B if friend A has said anything to her?

AIBU to feel completely hurt, pissed off and bewildered.

No, yanbu at all. If there is something to be learned from this, it is to do with your comment 'Friend A and B supposed to be coming to mine for dinner. Friend A cancels cos B has pissed her off.'

Please remember this and try as far as possible to only befriend stable, self-reliant and positive people from now on. Draw on your inner resources, find strength from within and just put this down to a bad experience with a couple of weak individuals who weren't really worth being close friends with.

I had something similar happen a couple of years ago and was gutted - evenings spent crying, wondering what I did wrong, and all the time my calls went unanswered, I was snubbed in the street etc etc. I finally asked my ex-friend what I had done and she had built up some scenario in her head (based on her own insecurities) and I'd made her feel 'inadequate'. By that stage, the damage was done.

I'm sure you feel very hurt and confused, but that is because you are a nice person who can form friendships. Please don't feel too bad about yourself or too angry, just put it down to their inadequacies and try to move on before getting caught up in more melodrama

I couldnt help but read this and wonder if friend A has been told something that she doesnt like about something that you have done/are supposed to have done? and thats why she and other friends are being cool towards you?

Keep your chin up and move on - its really upsetting when stuff like this happens but you cant control or change it so then next best thing is to make sure that you look after yourself and stay out of the situation- good luck

The joy of villages....you probably need to find a wider circle/or other friends, as someone said above, these sort of restricted groups are where pocket dictators thrive.

She's not much of a friend really, is she. Try not to blame yourself for her appalling behaviour... instead shift your focus to people who are nice, who do say hello and have a genuine interest in you. Maybe you gravitate a bit towards people who don't treat you very well?

Agree with chickens kill her with vague kindness. Give a bright, devil-may-care cheery "MORNING!" on the school run, appear incredibly busy, happy, chirpy and everything else that will keep her guessing. Even if you don't feel it inside. YANBU to feel a bit bewildered about the whole thing though, but time to move onwards and upwards.

No wonder you are upset. Whoever called people like her 'pocket dictators' has hit the nail on the head.

I had a similar situation last summer; I was good friends with 2 other mums that live on my estate and have DDs in DDs year. Suddenly they started being very off with me and were really cold towards me. I text them both and asked if I'd offended them and they both replied along the lines of 'No of course not honey', but were still avoiding me. I ended up just letting them get on with it, I can't think of anything I had said or done, and if they were true friends they would have told me what I had done to offend them anyway. One now makes a lot of effort with me and the other is still cold but hey ho. I like consistency in a friendship, I really have no time for fairweather friends or friends that are going to get offended over every little thing and then not even have the guts or courtesy to actually tell you what you've done.

I like the suggestions on here of saying a chirpy hello but other than that leaving her to it. It won't be long before she's fallen out with someone else I'm sure...

Are you all still at school?

"Friend A is playing with Friend B who she doesn't like and she is always bitching about and is leaving me out and I don't understand why she hates me so much."

OMG!

Get some new friends.

Friend appears to be extremely high maintenance and a ball of stress enducing more stress in others. Why bother with her?

I know someone a bit like this. I wasn't as close to her as you were to friend A but she'd suggest meeting up on a particular day and that she'd text me to sort it out ? she never would. I came to the conclusion she was one of these people that wanted me to be texting to chase her so that it made her feel wanted/important/who knows. I cottoned on very quickly and always assumed that we weren't doing anything unless I heard from her and just got on with doing my own thing. It soon stopped when she realised I wasn't playing along with her game.

There was no big fall out and I still see her in group get-togethers which is fine but I'm not going to be a puppet to boost someone's ego!

Must be much harder when it's someone you thought you had a close relationship with.

Oh the joy of living in a village, I feel your pain every day.

It IS possible that she has heard something about you she doesnt like, but unless you are bonking another friends husband or are not sharing some other misdemenour with us friend A sounds like a needy self centred pain in the butt - I really dont think she is worth the effort.

Are you still friends with B, can she throw any light on it or is she giving you a wide berth too? If friend B has no idea then I would just say "im hurt and disappointed A seems to be avoiding me as I thought we were good friends" and leave it at that - under no circumstances criticise her to B as it will be all around the village before you can say "small minded with nothing better to do"

I inadvertently upset the village queen bee when I moved here, she intermittently speaks to me/looks at me like poo depending on which way the wind is blowing it's not nice but I am working hard on not caring about it...if she and I were the last people left on the planet I would hope I would still be too busy to be her friend! She has a large "gang" who are also not overly friendly (as I hadnt caught on to village mentality and made a few choice jokes about her snobbery before I realised they are all friends/related/bonking each other!)

It seems strange to me that ANY adult would decide whether they like another adult based on what their "friend" thinks - is that not a little juvenile? I have just come to the decision that some people dont grow up, please dont let it upset you focus on your nice, supportive, REAL friends.