to just not understand this attitude?

[Livinginaparalleluniverse]

Unfortunately my sister is in a wheelchair, the NHS provided wheelchair is functional, but too heavy for her to manovere by herself, and therefore she requires someone to go with her if she wants to go out anywhere.

The wheelchair she can use by herself is £1,000. NHS say they won't provide as they've done their bit and provided a wheelchair. My wealthy mother who for her £1k is a drop in the ocean, has spent 18mths battling the NHS to get this chair. My sister has asked my mum if any chance she could provide the chair, being very dependent is affecting my sister psychologically. My mum's attitude is the NHS should be providing the chair and therefore she refuses to purchase chair on principle not monetary.

Yes in an ideal world the NHS would have the funds to provide the best piece of equipment available, but we don't and that's the way it is.

My friend's son has a severe speech impediment and is waiting for speech and language therapy, but in their area due to staff shortage there is significant delay beyond the recommended 8 weeks. Again very wealthy, funds not the issue.

When I recommended going private, they were horrifed at having to, as why should they spend their money on something that the state should (and incidentally do provide just not in timely fashion)?

I just don't understand this attitude at all.

If you agree with them, please explain.

If you agree with me, thank you.

YANBU. Your poor sister. Your mother sounds as if she's Scrooge reincarnated. How mean.

My mother needed a wheeled commode in her home for the last weeks of her life, the doctor phoned and ordered one, and was told delivery would be a week because they had a backlog with their deliveries. So I drove over that day and picked it up myself. Common sense, surely?

And after she'd died, they had the same week's delay to pick it up again - so I drove over again and dropped it off.

the sister is not a child ffs
imagine i started a thread saying my adult NT old son needed new glasses.
would you insist I paid for them, or quite rightly that he did.
it is not down to the op's made up mum to pay for the wheelchair.
and perhaps she realises that is she does she will end up paying for every wheelchair/piece of equipment the grown up daughter needs.

Strawbezza that's hardly the same as finding a grand.

Op - could you offer to go halves with your mother, or thirds with your mother and sister? Or could you help your sister write to her MP about a) the wheelchair issue and b) the inadequate response from SS. The system is very difficult to deal with when you are overwhelmed with your own issues as presumably your sister is as it's so recent (and quite possibly your mother as well - she may be very worried about your sister's future and unable to see how to negotiate the system). You might be a good person to step in and help get a decent care package sorted (which i still think is the easiest way to a sensible wheelchair- or at least the most likely to work way). Is your sister getting any help with her charity applications?

If he needed them, and the NHS would not pay, he could not afford them and you could, I would wonder why he was suffering for your principles.

Where to draw the line though reality? We paid for basic services and ran out of money. - which had had an impact on ds2 and ds3. I do now refuse to pay for services that should be provided (can't anyway). We are young enough to be able to earn more money. I can imagine once retired I'll be very unwilling to pay for basic services. It's a never ending pit.

The sister should be getting a decent care package from SS - she isn't - who is going to end up paying for that? Mum again? She shoukd have a wheelchair fit for purpose. What happens when she needs physio? Etc etc. People shoukd save their outrage for the totally inadequate adult care services, not the mother.

Say your adult child has addiction issues? Would you delve into your savings to pay for treatment, knowing that you'll probably have to fork out again and again and again?

I think a grand is a lot for one person to find (and doEs also sound a bit cheap for the type of chair needed). But split 3 ways between the op, the mother and the sister might be more affordable?

Or set up a fundraising page (you can sometimes piggy back on charities - so you use their charity number they get the gift aid). I was in the process of doing that to raise money for ds1's talker when it was bought for him (was having a bit of trouble finding a charity to piggy back on but it can be done).

Saintly not everyonrs circumstances are the same. When .y dad was paralysed, it was easier for me to find a grand than leave work to help try to pick him up off the floor, wait for the ambulance, take a deep breath, join conference call with client a d act like everything is fine

I think getting the comode yourself is common sense.

it isn't a case of letting him suffer, more of treating him as an adult. as an adult these are things you have to deal with your self, obviously a £50 pair of glasses was just an example.
I have seen so many threads on mn where posters are told that now their child is an adult they should treat them as such and other threads where op's have been flamed for expecting their parents to bail them out.
imo if this wasn't about a wheelchair no one would expect the parent of the adult to pay.

jimjams you always put it better.
you are right the out rage should be that the NHS is not doing what it should.

The NHS is brilliant but it's pockets aren't bottomless. I wouldn't watch a family member suffer out of principal if I had the funds to help them.

My DP has health insurance as a part of his job. A few years ago he needed a knee op ( having knackered them playing too much footy ) and opted to let the company cough up for it rather than the NHS even though he's been paying NI since he was 16 as that way the funds could go to help someone who didn't have any other way of getting help.

Maybe if the whole family chipped in towards the wheelchair so your Mum wouldn't feel singled out?

It has to be faced that the NHS and other public services only have so much time and money. They can offer the basics (most of the time) but some things need to come from family. The examples i used above - parents expectign schools to teach their children how to behave, dentists to teach them how to brush their teeth, the NHS to provide home care for a parent with Alzheimers are common examples of people expecting the state to do everything, leave it all to the state and doing nothign themselves. The state can do some bits but people need to take responsibility too.

people can;t always offer home care to people with Alzheimers though, it just ISN'T that easy. My good friend had her Dad for years with Alzheimer (she lost her Mum to pre-senile dementia when ehr mum was 39 and didn;t want him cared for by anyone else), it was fine for 5 years but friend is a childminder and when he started to wander aimlessly (he had an annexe) into her house leaving doors open her choices were limited. If we have a country in which carer's allowance is £55 per week, and where NOT both working full time will disentitle you to Tax Credits, then we can;t also ask for everyone to be just able to care; this is doubly true given the housing crisis and very few people having spare bedrooms.

I say this as someone who expects to care for her ds all her life as well.

Recommended 8 weeks intrigues me- I remember back when i first studied Psych (a LONG time ago) they used to witter on about a 7-8 year speech development period but whilst that is clearly optimal we now know far better; I know children whose speech has come on after that, indeed. certainly 8 weeks is new; my own ds3 didn't talk until he was 6.

It's worth remembering that this £1k will NOT be all the Mother ha\s funded, it never is. The way costs add up is almost mesmerising- speicalist beds, baths, clothing, diets, furnture, heating, lost job opportunities, rental on bigger / mortgage on adapted housing, hobbies, transport to therapies and hobbies miles away- it's cry-making, it really is.

Example of how some of this thread doesn't work with way things are today:

Someone has more rooms than they need they can't claim enough HB (and MANY carers need to)

Someone in rented council housing with spare rooms should be asked to move on (popular MN opinion) or charged extra (recent government policy proposal)

People should be willing to care for their relatives- in their spare room, one presumes?

Carers whose charges get middle rate DLA will soon lose exemption from work under Universal credit- but should be willing to provide the care even when not there? (they will be placed on workfare if not employed- the non compulsory bit only applies to JSA, not ESA or CA) reference

People have limits. Small houses, more working couples etc all mean that caring HAS to be impossible for many. Plus the absolute lack of respite etc that exists (even with 4 kids with SN we get none)

1. most people dont care for elderly relatives
2. those that do, generally only do so for a few years
3. the elderly person will frequently be in their own home.

so really not a reason for spare rooms in subsidised housing.

I never said it was Reality

But I DID say that was a barrier to some people automatically caring FT (in response to the comment above mine about people caring for people with alzheimers which is fairly common and unlikely to result in someone remaining in their own home. It is absolutely a barrier.

You cannot marry a system of smaller housing stock, dual working couples, reduced support for carers and argue for most people to absorb carer roles, as some on here seem to wish for. Either we need to take a step towards self caring within families and accepting that as a valid role, or we move towards dual working couples and the way UC has been set up but they do not work together at this present time. The state has to decide it's priorities and to an extent accept that some of the issue is exacerbated by current policy.

you can;'t say everyone must work FT and criticise when people can;t care for elderly relatives if needed, that's just unfair.

Saintly

The nHs definition of mobile is that you have the means to get around indoors

If you can propel indoors it be a manual chair

If you struggle indoors you may qualify for a indoor powerchair first for 6 months to check that you can use nod ( this I found insulting to myself ) after 6 months you may reapply for indoor/ outdoor chair . Does not Jean your get one abd if you fo they tend to be pretty basic

To be honest, where are all the people on this thread when there's a thread that someone needs help from their parents regarding childcare/deposit for rent or a house/school fees etc
Those people are always told that Parnets have done their bit in raising them and why shouldnt they enjoy their own money.
Childcare is pretty important. Etiher parents should help their grown children or they shouldnt.

I would if I could but I cant. Although I do feel it will end up with a 2 teir system in every way. Those with wealthy parents will get help with education, fees, childcare, housing, equipment etc. The rest of us. The majority will end up with the dregs. The way schools/hospitals/transport etc stays decent i when the wealthy and influential have to use the same as everyone else. They are the ones good at campaigning, knowing people, getting things done (thats a generalisation of course, but if you go to Eton you are more lilely to get change than if you went to Basingstoke Comp)
A 2 teir system based on family wealth is bad. So I do understand the mothers principles.

Then if you buy one you have cost of new batteries (250 -500 ) a time depending on size of batteries . I can wear a set of batteries out in less than a year ( I do a lit of miles )

Then add in new tyres and servicing plus insurance and breakdown recovery also if jn powerchair all day unable to change position your looking at tilt in space or recline

That'd without optional lift etc in it

Any powerchair for a £1000 will be 2nd hand and not set up for the lady concerned ( width /depth of seat ) leg rests etc

I had to buy my own powerchair. Second hand it cost £800 plus £400 for the batteries. Yet we are official below the poverty rate.
DH's wealthy parents didnt shell out a bean. Should they have so their sons wife could still get about?
Oh, and because its second hand its the wrong size and urts like the blazes on my spine after not long at all.

KalS - i agree it is not fair but i dont see a better alternative. do you ban private healthcare?

that was in response to your comment " I do feel it will end up with a 2 teir system in every way."

What happens in other European countries?

reality

intresting the same chair in uk thats around £5000new ,in Us through insurance it is $40000 or to buy which then prices it out of range for those that have to buy and that could end up same problem in the uk
.Huge mark up

i agree the US system is terrible. i think the tory changes to the NHS are ruinous.

human:

"The nHs definition of mobile is that you have the means to get around indoors"

Who do they think will give the disabled person the means to get around outside? The social care system? (at least there's legislation to protect people's rights to access social care even if LA's do their best to ignore it). If so how bonkers. So the NHS saves money which actually costs the country money overall (never mind quality of life etc etc). I may be missing something!