AIBU to think money DOES/Would bring happiness?

[M0naLisa]

So we go on holiday to America we have a fabulous time, we go on weekaways with or without the kids monthly, we enjoy ourselves we spend lots on the food shop per week. Although most weekends we eat out at restaurants/pub meals etc etc
Days out with the kids which they enjoy

We're very happy

Then i wake up!!!!!

Yes i dreamt it :(

So aibu to think Money does/could bring happiness?

Money troubles are a BIG problem in some peoples life. Dp and I have had the odd arguments if we have been skint. From what uv Hurd alit if people argue about money. It leads me to wonder if everyone had enough $ to not have to worry about it, there would be less arguments, would that mean a lower divorce rate?

I'm not sure. Dh and I had no money for several years. We didn't argue about it. It was really, really hard but we worked through it together.
It may just be about how couples handle any stress.
The divorce rate after a child is diagnosed with a disability is staggering

iv Hurd alot that's what breeding at 5am does to my writing

If one has little self worth, money will not bring happiness. It may bring fleeting happiness, but nothing permanent. However, money can enhance the life of someone who is inherently happy.

What shite pagwatch

Is precisely due to my non superficial problems I realised money can buy you happiness

. I'd rather not have to worry about getting evicted or clothing my kids whilst the shit was hitting the fan. At least that's one less pressure.

Why don't you try being a single mother, whilst getting attacked by yor ex, facing court eviction and then bursting into tears when you go to buy your baby nappies and the cashier says your card is declined wondering the fuck your going to do

Oh yes money would have been very nice it would have bought some sodding happiness in the form of nappies and a roof over my babies head

So listen don't you ever ever make such damn rude assertions on he ever again about anyone

I have been evicted and had no money for shoes or food. I ate mostly through my childhood courtesy of free school meals. I have often not had any money for food. You are making quite a few assumptions

I think you are posting about your own situation, reading everyones comments in the context of your own situation and you are making quite as many 'damn assertions' as anyone else.

I could list a couple of personal tragedies in my life that money isn't helping at all but I think you are not really interested.

I have never said being poor is easy. I also said being happy with money depends on what your problems are. But suggestion disability or terminal illness suddenly doesn't matter if you win the lottery is, and remains, nonsense.

I think Pagwatch hit the nail on the head when she said if you think money will inevitably buy you happiness then you have primarily had superficial problems

Being able to afford nappies and rent does not mean you will automatically be happy. It just means you don't have to worry about buying nappies and affording rent. You can have those things (and other essentials) and still be deeply unhappy.

Fwiw I am genuinely sorry Porny for the difficulties you face.
I am sorry this thread is bringing them to the fore.
I think you are misunderstanding the point I am trying to make. I am sorry for that.

Of course you can still be unhappy, but it BUYS you happiness. It doesn't open some magic place to deep contentment and happiness but it BUYS positive things

You know the happiest people in life are the ones who find happiness in everyday small things. Not always looking for the one big thing.

I'm surprised with hard times you haven't learnt to be grateful and happy for what once was and what is now

Because Im happy every time I see my beautiful home and buy my dc shoes. Because I know how destroying it was without.
I am grateful

Honestly it sounds like me dad who is a multi millionaire having the audacity to complain how skint he is. He has lost all sense of reality.

Hmm....

Pag thank you for the apology first time on MN!

Pag now my life is different im not in those dark days.

I have a beautiful family, a beautiful home in the countryside and we are not rich but we can afford a nice life

Money is a massive part of that. We couldn't have the life we do without it.

But my family is the thing that gives me true happiness and contentment. But I still need money to keep them, well, alive and stuff.

Ok. But I am not sure now that you read anything I wrote. I wrote that I was happy when we were broke and I am happy now.

I was simply saying that expecting money to make everything in your life great is a recipe for misery. I am happy because the things that make me happy have nothing much to do with money - my family mostly.
If you are miserable with nothing then you may well still be miserable with money, just in a big house with nice shoes.

I think you are arguing with me about an opinion I don't hold and from a position I don't have.

X-posted

That is all understandable and I am pleased life is fine now.

I just have a slightly different view because money does not stop my son being severely disabled and won't cure my sisters cancer.
That's all really.

Porny, you say you are grateful for what you have now, and I think that's the whole point. You are able to appreciate what you have, which in turn makes you feel happy.

There are people with lots of money that just don't appreciate what they have, so no matter how much they get, they will never be happy because they always want more, or are unable to feel grateful and appreciative of what they have. Yet there are other people who have very little, but are happy because they can appreciate that they have enough, and that they have things that come free like love and friendship.

I think that's the whole point of believing that money doesn't buy happiness and it's a lot to do with our perception of what we have.

Ok

Now would I swap my life with my dad who is a multi millionaire with no money worries, jetting off around the world. Not a chance, because he is on his own and lonely. Very lonely.

I pick family every time, my family who I feel blessed with every day. I besotted with them.

But my point is I still wouldn't swap with the old me who had nothing at one point. That was horrendous.

Would you be happy if you became homeless and watched your children starve? No you need money to sustain that happiness

Pag sorry to hear about your son and sister.

Yes no amount of material things will help, but at the same time the money you have will at least take the pressure of having to shelter and feed you son. Do you see what I mean?

As opposed to a mother on her own surviving on carer allowance with a disabled child?You see she probably say I love money for a cleaner, a holiday of even a trip to Starbucks. Little things to improve her qualify of life and relieve the pressure.

I'm not saying buying a Prada handbag will solve your issues, I'm saying money takes pressure off and gives you one less issue.

That money stops further misery. I hope I'm not being offensive and you see what I mean?

In a nutshell money relieves the added pressure

I think we are agreeing tbh Porny. It is just we are arriving at the same point by different routes.

Of course money makes my life easier. But it is not The Answer.
Money doesn't make you happy. It makes bad situations better, it eases stresses and it is of course waaaaaay better than being poor.
But death, disability, depression, addiction - none of these go away because you have cash or you would never see a rich person miserable. Gary Speed was rich and successful. He still was depressed and unhappy enough to take his own life.
So many lottery winners end up poor and unhappy. Because they think all the ills in their lives will be solved by cash but not all are.

But of course being rich is better than being poor.

Pretty much what Pagwatch has said.

Money does make a difference. Financial problems are cited as one of the biggest causes of depression and marital breakdown (which of course also makes you miserable). There is also a link between depression (and poor physical health) and lack of income. Having money removes many of the stressors that can result in unhappiness.

But not all of them. Death, illness and accident happens in all income levels. If you are poor you are more at risk of premature death and illness than if you were better off, but that doesn't mean that having money protects you from these things. You will still become ill if you are unfortunate and death gets us all in the end, as can accidents.

We have choices. We have security. We have a lot of love. We have everything we want and everything we need. We don't eat out much, I would much rather cook a lovely family meal at weekends and go for a walk along the river than dine at the Ivy and do something "posh". That's because we like each other's company and want to be around for each other and spend so much time working it's rather nice to be at home.

No way would we want to go away for weekends without our children. They are teenagers now and we spent one weekend away, for a special occasion when they were small and have had a couple of corporate weekends away now they are bigger.

I think the OP's view of what she would do with money is a little misplaced - escaping from children and meals out but she may genuinely feel those things will make her happy.

Happiness for me is about having a loving husband and two healthy children for whom we have the luxury of providing the best education money can possibly buy. We are relatively wealthy. No money in the world will ever bring back our 2nd son or have given him the functioning vital organs he needed to live, but if it could have and if we had been able to see him grow into a happy strong young man, I am quite sure we could have found ourselves enough happiness in a tenement or caravan or high rise block.

Having been 'comfortable' enought to pay the bills and some left over for an annual holiday and a few treats , a little more money than month and the opposite , struggling to make ends meet , constant worry , working to pay bills and more month than money then yes ' comfortable ' wins hands down.
However when my 45 year old mum died from cancer my money issues meant nothing. Although i didn't have to worry about bills so must have been 'comfortable ' then. So yes it was one less pressure i guess.

It doesn't take away the fact that all of us will die and life, in the grand scheme of the universe, is meaningless

I would be happy to do a job that I wanted to do and not have to worry about paying mortgage and bills.

Having money would let me do this - enjoy a job and have time to spend with DD.

Without money, I have to work at a job I hate, which stresses me and takes over my life.

I can't give it up though, or I would end up on benefits.

Money might not make me happier, in itself, but it would allow me to make choices that would make me happier.

Having read through the thread, it seems as if everyone is saying the same thing, albeit using slightly different prose:

Money vs Family - everyone would state family is the most important (and tbh, if it was the reverse, they'd be pretty daft to be posting on Mumsnet)

Money vs Health - everyone would state health is more important - money aint no use when you're gone.

But I don't think that the original question was "If you could have shitloads of money, but instead not feel the love of your children / DP and suffer some terrible illness, which would you choose?"

The answer to the above is bloody obvious.

The question that was asked is would money bring happiness?
If you are already suffering due to marital disharmony, the illness of a child, death of someone close, ill-health, no, money won't make you happy (although in some circumstances, it could help - my colleague just sent a stack of cash to her acquaintance living in Mongolia who would otherwise have died as a result of a stillbirth, no-access to medical care, being an outcast of her family, having married outside her tribe. That money will have brought her happiness (in the form of her life, plus the happiness that my colleague had in being able to share her wealth)).

But if you are living an ok life, as many of us are fortunate to do (relatively good health, happy kids, ok marriage, roof over your heads, food to fill your belly) then having an extra million chucked your way on top would still be most certainly welcomed by the majority of people, I would think. And if they don't want it, they can chuck it my way.

I'd be bloody happy with more cash.

It would just take away alot of stresses that can make life hard. It wouldnt buy happiness but it would make life so much easier.