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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think money DOES/Would bring happiness?

100 replies

M0naLisa · 04/03/2012 10:14

So we go on holiday to America we have a fabulous time, we go on weekaways with or without the kids monthly, we enjoy ourselves we spend lots on the food shop per week. Although most weekends we eat out at restaurants/pub meals etc etc
Days out with the kids which they enjoy

We're very happy

Then i wake up!!!!!

Yes i dreamt it :(

So aibu to think Money does/could bring happiness?

OP posts:

WhiteShores · 04/03/2012 12:49

I think the problem is that there is no easy limit to how much money a person could theoretically get, and so no limit to when a person might stop wanting more money.

To a huge number of struggling people in the world, especially impoverished countries (those who don't know where their next meal is coming from), we do have money. Even the poorest in the UK tend to still have 'luxuries' like televisions and mobile phones.

I'm sure those people think if they had as much money as we have, they'd definitely be happy. But its just not that simple. :)

WhiteShores · 04/03/2012 12:53

Sorry, just realised I mistakenly thought mumsnet was .co.uk (brain glitch), and so assumed OP was from UK. However, anyone who has easy/casual access to the internet is not one of the impoverished I was referring to, and so the comparison still stands. :)

CailinDana · 04/03/2012 12:57

As another poster mentioned, research has shown that once you have enough money to cover all your basic needs, plus a bit extra for luxuries, any more money doesn't make a difference to happiness. If you compare a person who has just won the lottery to a person who has just become a paraplegic, their happiness levels are hugely different (of course) but if you revisit them a year later, their happiness levels are very likely to be just about the same. Winning a lot of money gives you an intial surge of euphoria but over time being rich just becomes your new reality and your happiness level drops back to where it was before you won.

Being properly poor - as in, lacking enough money to meet your basic needs - is a horrible grind and would make anyone unhappy. But having more money than you actually need won't make you happier IMO.

MargaretOfFanjo · 04/03/2012 13:04

Studies show that your levels of happiness are related to the wealth of the people around you, which makes sense really. So yes we may be wealthier than people in the developing world but we rate ourselves by the people we live near.

I think it is wrong to say to people suffering from relative poverty that they have central heating and an Internet connection so they are not poor.

Original poster

M0naLisa · 04/03/2012 13:08

WHITESHORES
I am in the UK.

OP posts:

Pornyissue · 04/03/2012 13:08

Yes it does.

Only people who have forgotten what poverty is like say it doesn't

Original poster

M0naLisa · 04/03/2012 13:10

pornyIssue
You said what i think!!!

OP posts:

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 04/03/2012 13:35

That's not true Porny. If it was true then there would be no unhappy rich people, and there are.

Of course having money takes away reasons to be unhappy, but there are also plenty of reasons to be unhappy that don't involve money. There are also lots of life enhancing things that lead to happiness that have nothing to do with money.

If people think they would be happier if they had money they need to ask themselves if they would exchange money for what they already have. A loving relationship, children, friends that will go out if their way for you, family who cares about you. If you wouldn't exchange what you already have for more money then you clearly already have things that contribute to happiness.

Happiness is about attitude, and almost everyone in this country has something to be grateful for. If we can count our blessings instead if wishing for what we want to be blessed with, we have a much higher chance of being happy.

jojane · 04/03/2012 13:38

I think a lot of things come down to money
Dh moans about state of house - cleaner would sort that
Can't be bothered to cook - get a take away
No quality time - pay a babysitter and go out somewhere fun
Etc
But there are lots of situations money can't fix. In my case more money WOULD make me happier as I have a lovely husband, 3 gorgeous healthy children and lots of nice friends but I know people who's child has a heart condition, or they are divorced or can't have a baby and so no amount of money is going to change their situation.
I think more money would make people happier. It it's a different Mount for everyone. It can't buy you happiness in love, health and friendship but it can enhance your life and make it easier to concentrate in having fun rather than cleaning/ working/ stressing about bills etc.

I always think that the lottery shouldn't be huge jackpots but £500,000 lots so 10 or so people would have a decent about to make their life easier - mortgage free, do a job they love etc rather than one person with more money than they know what to do with

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/03/2012 13:40

It would be an instantly flamed thread saying 'AIBU to think that poverty makes you unhappy?' where people had replied that the poster should buck up a bit, 'happiness is about attitude', 'money isn't everything', 'count your blessings' and they had no reason to be miserable.

chickydoo · 04/03/2012 13:49

No Money doesn't bring happiness.
A very good friend married in to money ( lots & lots of it) she became quite shallow always talking about what she had, and parading her wealth amongst her less wealthy friends. We stopped seeing her as she was becoming very very obsessed with material things. Her husband had a string of affairs, she was devastated, as everything they owned was infact owned by his company. She now has nothing again, no money at all and also no friends either.
Money can be a really bad thing!

shewhowines · 04/03/2012 13:50

I know that my friends are with me because they want to be. Celebrities/rich peoples are often surrounded by toadying people pretending to like them or liking them for what they can get out of the situation. I would hate to be unsure of the reasons people want to be with me.

Having said that, if anybody wants to bung me a few quid...... I wouldn't say no.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/03/2012 13:58

@chickydoo.. your friend's money made her very happy indeed by the sound of it. If it hadn't been withdrawn she'd still be enjoying it.

RedHotPokers · 04/03/2012 14:07

I think it depends. Obviously having enough money so you know you can maintain a basic-satisfactory standard of living (small own house, satisfactory quality and quantity of food etc), will mean you are happier than someone who is homeless, or scared of having their house reposessed etc.

HOWEVER, I think the Time v Money issue is key for me. DH doesn't earn a great deal, but his hours are reasonable (8.30 - 5.30) and he works fairly nearby (30 mins commute). I earn a fairly ok wage but work pt in a flexible job. If I worked ft, we would be a LOT better off. If DH had a longer commute he could get a better job with more responsibility/hours, and we would also be a LOT better off.

But I CBA with the stress that would bring. I would rather have my little 3 bed ex-council semi, ancient cars etc. We are not skint, but not well-off, and I don't think more money (and therefore more work) would make me happier. However if I could win the lottery.......

Pornyissue · 04/03/2012 14:14

Like most people the thing that gives me mu ultimate happiness is my family

But let's not be naive.

A family cannot be happy if they are about to lose their home, can't eat and are without shoes.

Lack of money could easily tear that family apart leaving you with absolute misery.

And that's without even going into extreme things like money being able to afford a life saving operation For a family member

So yes money can buy you happiness

flippinada · 04/03/2012 14:14

I don't believe being rich makes you happy, but having enough money to live on without struggling certainly does makes life a lot less stressful and more pleasant.

BrandyAlexander · 04/03/2012 14:17

Having money can solve a lot of problems but doesn't mean that it solves all problems. Having money can itself be a problem, eg look at some notable ultra wealthy families, especially in America. I do agree that money accentuates peoples characters. Someone self centered will become more so if they have money.

hatesponge · 04/03/2012 14:17

Agree with those who have said it's not that money brings happiness so much as it gives you more choices, and makes life easier.

I earn a decent salary, and live in a large house. I have to work hard, am out of the house 12 hours a day but I don't struggle for money and never really have. I'm lucky that I know I have enough money to go out and buy something I want, have a night out, go for a meal, without worrying how I will afford it.

Does it make me happy? Well it certainly doesn't make me unhappy. But actually what I'd really like is a relationship, and money isn't going to get me that.

WitchOfEndor · 04/03/2012 14:25

I'd like to have enough to pay off my mortgage and my mums mortgage (mil doesn't have one). That would take away some worry about money and I believe that would make me happier. I could do that with less than £200k, if you gave me £1million I would be able to pay off my brothers mortgage and put some money aside for ds and generally have great holidays, and mean I didn't have to sale shop any more. I don't think I'd be incrementally more happy if I had £2million or £5 million, there's only so much stuff you need.

sportsfanatic · 04/03/2012 14:38

No it doesn't bring happiness but it means you can be miserable in comfort.

lesley33 · 04/03/2012 14:46

tardis - You posted saying that some friend lost their parents at17/18 and inherited a lot of money - but the money won't bring their parents back i.e. money doesn't make up for loss. My post was in response to your post.

ThisIsANickname · 04/03/2012 15:12

I think too many people misunderstand the phrase or at least its intended meaning. Saying "Money doesn't equal happiness" is not the same as saying or implying that "Having/not having money makes you happy/unhappy." It is simply saying that having money does not equate to having happiness. You can have happiness with or without a lot of funds in the bank.

Money may seem like the solution to a lot of problems, but mostly I think we've come to believe that happiness comes in the form of possessions or outings rather than internally. And that's where the saying comes from. Without personal satisfaction, no amount of money guarantees you happiness, even if it allows you to do things you think would make you happy in the short term.

maddening · 04/03/2012 15:17

money would enable me to live where I want and follow the career path I want and to give my child(ren) the best chances in life.

but I think when all the drudgery and struggles of daily life are removed (eg by a lottery win) then any of the real underlyjng problems that get lost amongst those struggles are potentially laid bare and need to be adressed - I would give it a shot though!

Pagwatch · 04/03/2012 15:49

Porny

That is bollocks. I haven't forgotten what it is like to live in poverty.

None of the primary difficulties in my life can be helped with money.

To be honest, if you think money will inevitably bring you happiness then you have primarily had superficial problems.

EauDeLaPoisson · 04/03/2012 15:51

I'm not sure but would love the chance to test the theory!!!

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