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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in thinking that 6 pints of cider/beer is far too much ...

38 replies

Fran53 · 03/03/2012 23:10

... to drink if you then have to do bath/bedtime for a small baby aged 7 months? Or a child of any age for that matter. Never started a thread before but need some independent advice. My DH was out for drinks with his brother who was visiting but came home to do bedtime at 6pm since it was his evening for it. I had assumed that since he knew he was going to do bath/bedtime he would have avoided drinking more than one maybe 2 pints max. He is a large man with a relatively high tolerance for alcohol which he seems to argue means that he can drink 6 pints and be "fine". Especially since I was in the house and he didn't have sole responsibility for DD. He appeared to be tipsy but not overtly drunk.
My strong opinion is that drinking that much is unacceptable in this setting. Alcohol is something we have recurrent arguments over, this is not totally out of the blue. But this is scaring me as it involves the baby. I ended up hovering for the entire time. All went smoothly but I don't think that makes it all ok. DH appears to disagree. It is causing a major problem with trust in our relationship, sadly, so we really need to resolve things. I know I need to talk to him again (and again and again if needs be) but he seems to think I am so over-the-top about "a few pints" - I need to know that IANBU.... please!

OP posts:

McHappyPants2012 · 03/03/2012 23:14

After that amount Yanbu.

AgentZigzag · 03/03/2012 23:15

I know it's not what you're asking, but I'm a bit surprised at him coming home from his jaunt out with his brother to do your DDs bedtime routine.

Why didn't you do it?

WorraLiberty · 03/03/2012 23:20

I was going to say what Zigzag said

But she beat me to it

AgentZigzag · 03/03/2012 23:22

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 03/03/2012 23:24

If he really was fine and just a little bit tipsy, then he was probably ok sorting out the baby.

But six pints is too much if it happens regularly, so that's what really matters tbh. If he does it a lot then I would worry too, if it's just an ocassionally thing then I don't see the problem.

Hebiegebies · 03/03/2012 23:26

YANBU

holidaywoe · 03/03/2012 23:26

Why was he coming home to do the bedtime routine if you were there ?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 03/03/2012 23:27

Surely in this particular scenario you would either do bath time yourself, or not bath the baby just for one day.

But if the drinking is a regular feature and a problem then that is a whole different situation and needs addressing.

DialsMavis · 03/03/2012 23:29

Was going to ask the same thing. DP is an equal parent blah blah blah. But if he was out I would do bedtime (as does he if I have plans)

mogwhistle · 03/03/2012 23:32

If he was with his brother who was visiting I think you are a bit U expecting him to curtail his evening just 'cos it was his turn. Wouldn't you rather a sober person rather than one in drink attend to the baby?

Gumby · 03/03/2012 23:39

Yabu
Unless it's every night let him off the leash!
Do you go out with your friends? Maybe arrange s

Gumby · 03/03/2012 23:40

Arrange something for next weekend and let him stay in

BillyBollyBandy · 03/03/2012 23:42

Why didn't he do the hovering? If I was uncomfortable with dh having had too much to drink he would not be doing bedtime. Although have to say this has never happened in our household.

I don't think YABU for not wanting him to drink, YABU though for not doing it yourself when the safety of you baby was compromised in your opinion.

AgentZigzag · 03/03/2012 23:45

'Why didn't he do the hovering?'

I thought you'd spelled that wrong BBB and went to look where it said about the DH not doing the hoovering

DialsMavis · 03/03/2012 23:46

Me too!

BillyBollyBandy · 03/03/2012 23:48

Minshu · 03/03/2012 23:48

Erm - his brother was visiting implies they don't get together that often, doesn't it?

Sweet that he came home to do the bedtime thing (although probably misguided after that amount of booze), but couldn't you have swapped nights?

BillyBollyBandy · 03/03/2012 23:49

Just trying to ask in my slightly drunken state, why didn't the OP take over.

GoosDoorIsAlwaysOpen · 03/03/2012 23:52

I don't understand why he came home to do it either.

You sound a bit overbearing?

Original poster

Fran53 · 03/03/2012 23:52

To those of you asking why I didn't do the routine I can see where you are all coming from. The reason was really that the plans had originally been that we would all have dinner at home then out for a drink. My sister kindly doing the babysitting. DH and DBIL went for lunch, I joined them after DD's swimming lesson, we were all going to head home together but I went early as DD needed a nap (too distractable for buggy naps these days). I left the pair of them to have some brotherly bonding time. DH turned up at home at 6pm on his own, apparently DBIL was enjoying catching up with a friend at the pub and wasn't coming home for dinner.
So it wasn't exactly that I insisted DH leave everyone to come home but rather had expected he would be around then anyway. And he turned up despite his brother staying out and was perfectly happy to do it all then head back out with me in tow. I have been trying to encourage (!) him to do the bedtime routine when he can as we had got stuck in a rut where I was doing nearly all childcare even when he was not at work. I am back at work after mat leave in a month's time and he needs to learn these things and to take initiative since he will have to take over childcare those days. We are both still trying to get the balance right. He tends to be a little thoughtless and lazy and I tend to be a little bossy and judgmental perhaps.....

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 03/03/2012 23:53

I genuinely thought you'd said hoovering too

Like it was some sort of punishment for enjoying a night out

Goolash · 03/03/2012 23:55

If its infrequent behaviour and down to an occasion like his brother being in town then yabu. When our kids were young we both had occasional evenings like that.

SlinkingOutsideInFrocks · 04/03/2012 00:03

Why is alcohol something you have recurrent arguments over? Need to know more about that before I can one way or the other.

Original poster

Fran53 · 04/03/2012 00:07

I didn't think that he would actively hurt her through being in a drunken state. But that getting tipsy is irresponsible if you know you are going to have to do any childcare later that day. His brother is not local any more much to his dismay but he is staying for 5 days not just for the day. And they had a night out planned with more drinking. If he had called me from the pub to explain things I would have said that I would do it instead.
DH always says I overreact to his drinking - seems maybe I do. I do drink a less than him and grew up abroad where people drink often but not to excess. I don't really approve of the whole drinking loads and getting horrendously drunk thing past the student age. And when children are involved I just feel it is unacceptable. Usually if he is tipsy by the end of the afternoon it means he will be horrendously drunk by the end of the night (which he was) and I get cross in advance as it were, which possibly clouded my judgement.

OP posts:

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 04/03/2012 00:10

Depends how often the drinking is happening tbh. Sounds like not very often?

Today sounds like crossed wires and changed plans, which happens and so I think you are probably over-reacting in this case.

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