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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in thinking that 6 pints of cider/beer is far too much ...

38 replies

Fran53 · 03/03/2012 23:10

... to drink if you then have to do bath/bedtime for a small baby aged 7 months? Or a child of any age for that matter. Never started a thread before but need some independent advice. My DH was out for drinks with his brother who was visiting but came home to do bedtime at 6pm since it was his evening for it. I had assumed that since he knew he was going to do bath/bedtime he would have avoided drinking more than one maybe 2 pints max. He is a large man with a relatively high tolerance for alcohol which he seems to argue means that he can drink 6 pints and be "fine". Especially since I was in the house and he didn't have sole responsibility for DD. He appeared to be tipsy but not overtly drunk.
My strong opinion is that drinking that much is unacceptable in this setting. Alcohol is something we have recurrent arguments over, this is not totally out of the blue. But this is scaring me as it involves the baby. I ended up hovering for the entire time. All went smoothly but I don't think that makes it all ok. DH appears to disagree. It is causing a major problem with trust in our relationship, sadly, so we really need to resolve things. I know I need to talk to him again (and again and again if needs be) but he seems to think I am so over-the-top about "a few pints" - I need to know that IANBU.... please!

OP posts:

Original poster

Fran53 · 04/03/2012 00:11

I sound uptight reading back - I do enjoy my wine myself:) But am more the continental style of a glass or two a few evenings a week rather a binge drinker like DH, certainly since DD was born. Breastfeeding making this enforced of course for the time being ;)

OP posts:

Original poster

Fran53 · 04/03/2012 00:20

DH goes out relatively often I think, usually several times a week. To be fair on him he has cut back since DD was born but there have been a few high profile drunken incidents that I am probably still upset with him about if I think about it honestly.... (going off to examine my own head..).
It was a bit of a mix up of an evening all round and maybe I was overly touchy. Anyway, will talk it all over with him again tomorrow..... Thanks for the feedback!

OP posts:

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 04/03/2012 00:21

Just to add though - YANBU at all to get him into the swing of childcare etc before you go back to work.

With the drinking, DH and I usually agree who is going to stay sober enough to be able to deal with any crisis and not drop the children if we need to get out of the house or whatever.

Original poster

Fran53 · 04/03/2012 00:22

Hoovering as a punishment sounds tempting......

OP posts:

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 04/03/2012 00:22

x-posts.

That is a lot of going out, I wouldn't be happy with that at all.

Original poster

Fran53 · 04/03/2012 00:25

Alibaba - That's what we will need to agree on at some stage too, once I am allowed off the leash a little more myself when no longer breastfeeding. As it stands I am the default sober responsible available parent which I think after 7 months and many many many sleepless nights is wearing me down a little.

OP posts:

Original poster

Fran53 · 04/03/2012 00:28

Alibaba, I think it is quite a lot of going out too. Though sometimes it is just for a couple of beers. I am just not really happy with the current balance though, so DH and I do need to talk it over again.

OP posts:

Goolash · 04/03/2012 00:34

Hmmm several times a week is quite a bit.

minimisschief · 04/03/2012 00:38

still doesnt make sense why didnt you or the sister do it?

AgentZigzag · 04/03/2012 00:41

I think the OP's saying she didn't ask her DH to do bedtime minimiss, he just came back to do it because it was his night?

Which if it happened like that is a pretty good sign to me, much worse for him to just stay out and ignore any calls or texts.

Original poster

Fran53 · 04/03/2012 00:51

Agent is right, he spontaneously came home. He loves DD and me, I know and he certainly wouldn't just stay out and ignore me. He is good with her, just needs prompting at times as gets easily distracted and can't read my mind :(
(add a bossy wife emoticon)

OP posts:

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 04/03/2012 00:54

I think it's good that you are going to have a think about all of this.

You and DH have different 'ways' of drinking - 6 pints between lunch and 6pm isn't a lot and if he was only tipsy not drunk then I think you are being OTT - it's not as though he came home, fell asleep in a drunken stupor and peed in your wardrobe!! Your way isn't necessarily the right or only way :)

AgentZigzag · 04/03/2012 00:56

You sound reasonable enough Fran, if you're both prepared to talk about what you want there's going to be a compromise somewhere so you can both be happy

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