Background: I am originally from Spain but I have been living in New Zealand for 6 years, and have a kiwi DP. My mum and my sister came last Christmas for a visit, for the first time, and I spent 3 weeks showing them this wonderful country. They had the time of their life. however, my mum was an absolute pain to both my sis and me... even though my sister and I are 29 and 35 years old and have been living on our own for ages, she is stuck in our "teenager years" and treats us as such. She is incredibly annoying to have around, she will ask us whether we "had brushed our teeth and had a wee" before going out, will tell me to make my bed and where to put my clothes in my own house, will argue my own house rules... you get the picture. My sis and I, on the other hand, get along beautifully.
Fast forward a couple of months: my DP proposed recently and I said yes 
. We have decided to get married in New Zealand I did mention to him that this would be inconvenient for my mum and sister, as they had literally just left New Zealand, and I assumed they would not be coming. Same with most of my Spanish friends: the economy and job market there is dire, most of my friends are struggling and I did not even contemplate any of them paying for a trip to New Zealand to see me getting married. So initially, and as we are both pretty relaxed about it, I suggested to just take a couple of friends each and get married as soon as we got the licence, and then go celebrate in our favorite restaurant. Next time we went to Spain we could have a party there.So, that was the plan.
When I called my family to give them the news, they were absolutely overjoyed! To our great surprise, many of them have pleaded with us to delay the ceremony, because they would absolutely love to be here and need time to save and organize holidays. My sister declared that she would be here even if she had to take a plane the following day. Many of my friends have surprised me by saying the same thing! They can't guarantee they will make it, but many will do all in their hands to be here.
I was really touched and teary over this show of love from my family and friends, and my DP and I agreed to delay the wedding for a year. We have decided to do a very low-key ceremony, wedding at the beach, no dressing rules, absolutely no presents (if anyone wants to contribute to the wedding, they are welcome to take photos/help with decorating/sing/play an instrument... whatever, but no spending money), and a barbecue instead of a banquet. DP and I have already booked a whole adventure centre for everyone to stay for the weekend, in the middle of a forest, and just a short stroll to the beach. There is a playground and obstacle/adventure courses for kids and not-so-kids to have fun. At night, if the weather helps, we can go to the beach, light a big fire and drink and have fun together. Both accommodation and food and drinks will be covered by DP and I.
So, family and friends have started planning how to organize their trips. Most of them are turning this trip into a holiday, as it would be silly to do a 30-hour (one-way) trip to New Zealand only for a weekend, and DP and I are more than happy to help them organize everything from here (accommodation, car rentals, advice of places to see and things to do...). My sister is coming with her DP and they will be renting a campervan after the wedding. One of my aunties is actually organizing a 3-week trip with some of her friends, and we have told her that her friends are also welcome to come to the wedding if they so wish.
My mum, on the other hand, is trying to put pressure on me. "You know I don't speak the language and I would be very dependent on you", she said on the phone last time I spoke to her... "I can't go for just a weekend, what would I do after that?". Well... there are many things she could do after that... my auntie has definitely let her know she would be welcome to join her group for the tour of New Zealand. She could come with my dad and rent a caravan (both of them drive). She could join an organized trip. But what she really wants is to stay with us and for us to take her to places after the wedding and be her hosts.
And to be perfectly honest, I don't want to. Last Christmas I had time to "mentalize" myself before she was here, I took 3 weeks holiday just to be with her and spend the three weeks making her happy. My sister did enjoy the trip, but lost her patience with mum many, many times over her controlling and demanding ways. We had to go wherever mum wanted, do the things she wanted to do, stay at the places she chose, she would question my ability to drive in New Zealand, my understanding of English (she doesn't speak a word of English, and I have been living and working in English-speaking countries for 10 years... but she would not trust me to tell her what was written on signs, or what other people were saying!!!), she would tell me off for "letting DP do the dishes" instead of doing them myself... a million of tiny annoying things. But it was ok, it was her holiday and I took it in and smiled for the whole 3 weeks.
But I don't want to have to do this again after our wedding. We still don't even know whether we will take a week to have a short "honeymoon" or not, but even if not, I will want to spend some time alone with my new husband, enjoying the happy "just married" feeling and having hot sex in every room of the house. I don't want anyone else in our house, especially not someone who will be annoying and making us feel uncomfortable in our own place. No one else has assumed we have to "take care of them" in New Zealand after the wedding.
However, I don't know whether this would be expected of us or not. Am I being selfish in not offering my mum to stay with us after the wedding? What would you do if you were in our situation? Is it normal to ask the bride and groom to "provide accommodation and care" for guests after the wedding, when the wedding is far away?
I am ready to be enlightened by the wisdom of MN :)