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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to take my grandma out for mothers day

76 replies

TeacupTempest · 02/03/2012 14:56

I probably Abu and its very trivial really...

Today my mum informed me that she had booked her holiday over mother's day so I would have to take my grandma out for lunch.

Now I love my grandma I really do and any other time I would take her out willingly but;

It's my very first mother's day as a mum. We have been having a few problems with DD health recently and DH and I were looking forward to spending the traditional mothering Sunday lunch time together as a new family as a time to be together and relax.

I also think its rather off of my mum to be guliting me into this as it was her choice/fault for booking her hols over mother's day.

AIBU to not want to do this? I am aren't I?

OP posts:

Original poster

TeacupTempest · 02/03/2012 17:29

As the older sister to three brothers I usually find most things left/delegated to me to deal with and organise.

OP posts:

Angeleena · 02/03/2012 17:32

Maybe you should start to stand up to this arrangement a bit.
DG and DM will become more dependent as they get older, are you the one who will always be there to help out?

Original poster

TeacupTempest · 02/03/2012 17:35

I suspect so.

OP posts:

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 02/03/2012 17:48

YANBU to be annoyed with your mum, and this might not be the right occasion but I would really think about not letting her dictate to you or try to make you feel guilty

Granny joining in with you all on your first mothers day sounds lovely

However,while I do understand where other posters are coming from with the whole 'suck it up she won't be around long' thing, but my poor dm has been putting up with crap from her mum for years as she feels guilty and was always thinking she wouldn't be around for long. Well my grandmother is now 98 and going strong, and my poor mum has been through hell with her, she sacrificed time with her own family due to pressure/guilt from her mum, then my dad died, then my brother died. She never thought her mum would outlive her own child and I know she'd do anything now to go back and put her foot down sooner

marriedinwhite · 02/03/2012 19:03

To go against the grain a little, do you usually do something for your mother on mother's day? Now that you are a mother is there any chance she might be trying to tell you something? I would invite your grandma to spend the day with you.

I would love to be able to take my grandma out on mother's day - she was very special to me. You have a lifetime of being a mummy ahead of you - your grandma doesn't anymore.

We will go and see my mother the week before, on mother's day we will be at home and the weekend after we have mil coming to stay for 6 days.

Portofino · 02/03/2012 19:09

To me, Mother's Day doesn't count til the dc are able to make you something /make a fuss/make breakfast etc themselves. DH buying a card is just not IT. So I would take your granny out, enjoy being a new mum, and remember that these things are very transitory. I think this will my nan's LAST Mother's Day for example where as you will have very many to look forward to.

ElusiveCamel · 02/03/2012 19:11

I am shocked by how many people seem to be saying that Mother's Day is not for grandmothers too. I have always given my grandmother a Mother's Day card (you know there are quite a lot of them for grandmothers in the shops, so I am not the only one). It's a day to celebrate and do nice things for the mothers in your immediate family, not just yourself. My mother, my ex's mother and both our grandmothers will have cards from us and my DS and we'll be spending the day with my mum and grandmother - can't imagine just make it a day about me. Presumably you get to be with your DH an DD on your own every day and there will be plenty of other days too.

I think YABU. Is your baby your grandmother's first great-grandchild? Even if it's not, she will still be special to her as will the fact that she can now share the day with you, her granddaughter, as a new mother herself. Who knows how many Mother's Days she will still have to celebrate?

TidyDancer · 02/03/2012 19:17

I think it would be a bit cruel and selfish if your granny is sat at home alone and you could do something about it. So I'm glad by the time I got to this thread that you have decided to include her!

That said, it's not really on for your mum to lay on the guilt trip. Maybe she was just clumsy in her phrasing and just meant to ask if you would do something because she couldn't.

breatheslowly · 02/03/2012 19:19

Is your mother an only child? If you come from large family then you really don't need to accept this as there must be someone else who could do it.

Eggrules · 02/03/2012 19:20

Find out what your granny wants to do and rope your db's in too.

maddening · 02/03/2012 19:21

dgm has had plenty of mothers days, this is your 1st -she will understand

ImperialBlether · 02/03/2012 19:27

God, the poor OP, all she wants is to spend her first Mothers' Day with her child and husband and you lot are all haranging her - "I wish I had a grandmother" - ffs, leave the poor woman alone!

OP, tell your brothers that your gran is rewriting her Will and btw she's alone on Mothers' Day.

Get your husband to tell your mum he has a surprise planned for you and it involves being out of the house from 9 am to 7 pm.

I've never seen such a lot of people advocating martyrdom.

SardineQueen · 02/03/2012 19:28

Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Does your mum have any brothers or sisters?

SardineQueen · 02/03/2012 19:29

Oh hold on you have three brothers????

Do they all have kids?

SardineQueen · 02/03/2012 19:30

God I think YANBU anyway.

She's your gran, not your mum.
How many people even get worked up about mothers day. She might not give a monkeys.

mrssmooth · 02/03/2012 19:31

I'd love to spend Mothers Day with my granny but she died just before Christmas so this one is going to be very tearful. My dmum lives hundreds of miles away from me so it'll just be me, dh and the dds. I'm hoping I will set foot in a restaurant tho ...

runningwilde · 02/03/2012 19:40

Why are you asking if you are going to do it anyway? Yanbu to want to spend your first mothers day as a mum with just you and your baby and your mum should not have made plans for you

You need to stand up to your very rude mother

missnevermind · 02/03/2012 19:43

OK I have made 2 assumptions here.
1 DGM is retired
2 You are still on mat leave

Phone DGM for a chat and tell her that although you would like to take her out on the Sunday you are worried that it will be too busy / crowded for an old lady and a pram. So why dont both of you and the baby have a nice relaxing gossipy lunch on the Monday when it is quieter.

Original poster

TeacupTempest · 02/03/2012 20:30

Three brothers. None have kids

Imperial....god plan re will!

Running...i didn't know if I would do it, though I suspected I would, until I wrote it all down here.

OP posts:

catsrus · 02/03/2012 20:56

oh dear...

I am so grateful to my parents for insisting that Mother's day and Father's day were just a way for rich makers of 'stuff' to get us to buy more of it :-) I brought my dcs up to not worry about mother's day and it's not caused us a bit of bother. sometimes one or more of them remember to get me a card, and they did do the cold and yukky breakfast in bed thing when they were little (peer pressure I think) but it's just not a big deal. In my exHs family OTOH great offence was taken when significant occasions were not given the correct level of importance - bloody exhausting for all concerned!

I agree that the sensible thing to do is find out what your gran would like to do - if she is expecting a bit of fuss then you might have to suck it up and invite her - but she might not be bothered :)

DMCWelshCakes · 02/03/2012 20:57

Make your brothers do it. They won't be mothers so should be doing whatever's required. You should be sitting around eating cake.

Unless they have wives who are mothers, in which case they should be helping their children make cakes for you SILs.

Sarsaparilllla · 02/03/2012 21:33

I think you're being a bit selfish tbh, you'll have all the mothers days in the world, take your gran out for lunch, it won't even be all day!!

I'd love to be able to go for lunch with my gran :(

blackeyedsusan · 02/03/2012 22:20

hate to say it but there is no guarantee that op has a lifetime of mothering ahead of her either, given that there are 2 blankets being made at the moment, one fo a family who lost their mum, one for a mum who lost her daughter. please do not make assumptions about there being a lifetime of mothering sundays, the life time may not be that long.

Eglu · 02/03/2012 22:24

If your Mum has 3 other children who could take her out if she was here, then why can't they take your Grandma out?

Sparklingbrook · 02/03/2012 22:27

Out of all the days to go out for lunch, Mother's Day is not one of them. It's so naff.
Go the day before or the day after.

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