Someone help me with controlled crying!

[NoFoodwithaFace]

DS is 6 months and bad sleeper is an understatement. Unless I bf him all night he won't stop screaming. We have tried everything from co-sleeping to own room, water in a cup, giving him a bottle, more naps in the day, less naps. I can't think of ANYTHING else!

Spoke to health visitor who said controlled crying was our only option. I tried it two nights in a row, DS is not used to being left to cry and so projectile vomitted everywhere the two nights we tried. Meaning we picked him up and if bf him in bed for hours on end as usual. Spoke to HV again who said that if he's sick I need to clean it up and put him back without speaking/looking at him.

Have just tried controlled crying with his daytime nap which miracuously worked! During the day its just wimpering and coughing, whereas at night it's actual screaming and gagging. I also think it helps that i can distract myself during the day, whereas at night when I'm tired and have to sit listening to him cry.

Has anyone else tried controlled crying with such a hysterical baby? It works obviously since DS is currently asleep for a nap, but at night I just think he is too upset to try it again!

Clean up the vomit and put the child back to bed without eye contact is advice for a 3 year old who is trying it on at night NOT a baby.

I'm with everyone on the "see the GP!" boat.

You say "wimpering and coughing [in the day], whereas at night it's actual screaming and gagging. "... this makes me wonder what's going on between day and night to make a difference, and wonder about heart burn or some other physical thing... not a doctor or other expert so I dunno.

You don't say whether you've tried having someone else (DH/Partner?) put him down... that's the only think that worked for us.

Also, just to check: you personally are bothered by the nursing all night thing, right? It's not just that you think you "shouldn't" do it/pressure from someone else? Because if it's what works and IF you YOURSELF can make peace with it (and sleep with the baby attached)... but, obviously, you wouldn't have tried so many methods if you didn't personally want this changed, so nevermind :) (a friend wound up being where her DD slept from birth to about 18 months or so, as that was what worked for thier family.)

Good luck, I hope you find a way to get sleep!

How does he fall asleep in the evening?

If it is reflux, with regards to feeding they go one way or the other. They either feed constantly because its when they stop it gets worse. Or they dont want to feed at all because they're just too uncomfy.

Mine was a constant feeder.

Make an emergancy appointment, please dont let him cry it out again just im case.

As with all the other posters, I would say 6 months is a bit on the young side for CC. My first thought when I read your post was perhaps silent reflux? My DS had this and until we realised this, was a dreadful, fussy sleeper. Also, are you currently weaning your LO? I started DS at 27 weeks and, once again, it made a vast difference to his reflux/sleeping issues. I would definitely seek help from your GP. I was under the impression that they have to prioritise emergency appointments for babies (?), so if you mention your LO's age to the receptionist, perhaps it might help?

Best of luck!

Your health visitor sounds awful Please don't listen to her.

www.amazon.co.uk/New-Baby-Toddler-Sleep-Programme/dp/0091825911 worked for me in two days

It sounds like you have tried so many things and that may be part of the problem. Babies love routine, they know where they are and what to expect. I would focus on getting him eating/feeding more in the day. It often leads to better nights anyway.

Get any chance of health problems addressed. It is totally unnaccepatble for your Dr to say no apts for a baby. Tell them you want to speak to practice manager if they do not get you apt within next few days.

CC is for when you are 100% confident there are no other issues - too soon for that IMO. I would recommend Gina Ford's routines for anyone before CC.

sounds more refluxy to me(silent reflux)

I had a terrible sleeper so I feel your pain. Your health visitor sounds psychotic. Clean up the sick and don't look at your child. Bloody hell. My DD used to feed every two hours and would scream and cry dreadfully if I made the slightest attempt to leave her room which is attached to our room but 10 feet was too far. She wanted to be held and cuddled/BF all the time. There was nothing wrong with her but she was just a little baby who wanted to know where the boobs were her mum.

I tried co-sleeping but we are both fidgeters and DH snores so it was hellish. I tried no cry stuff but she just got more and more annoyed. I did CC in the end but at 13 months and for no more than 2 minutes at a time. I hit on two minutes because at that age two minutes didn't seem that long. So cry, one minute, go in pat and say something soothing, leave, cry, two minutes, same, same, same. She eventually got the message that I was there, would always come but wasn't going to pick her up. BUT, she was older and therefore had some concept of what was happening. IMO, a 6 month old is still a tiny baby who doesn't understand. AND, there was nothing wrong with her and I knew that. She was just a bad sleeper. Your DS may have underlying issues so get him checked out.

Good luck and much sympathy. My HV told us to use crying it out on DS this week- he's only 4.5 months (19 weeks). Don't feel comfortable with that but don't know what else to do. We were up 21 times last night between 10 PM and 8 AM!

You have my sympathy - been there, done the sleepless nights and constant breastfeeding.

My wee one is still not a brilliant sleeper as a 14 month-old toddler, but we had a DREADFUL time with him when he was wee baby. I was mortified to find out at 10 months that he had reflux - I thought he was just a sicky baby like a couple of his friends, until they got older and stopped and he didn't and I asked for a referral. By the time we got the appointment through, he was quite a bit better and we decided not to medicate, but he still wakes at least once EVERY night and I usually end up co-sleeping, so I'm starting to wonder about going back. Please do get the reflux possibility checked out, as others have posted.

I've generally avoided baby manuals, but a friend gave me "Toddler Taming" and I've found it's a really sane, common-sense book. Dr Green, its author, talks about controlled crying and says that the older the child the better it works. We're thinking of trying it at 15 months if we are as sure as we can be that the waking is not related to reflux. Again, as others have said, it's about short spells of crying, with comfort given in between. Dr Green warns against allowing the child to become distraught.

Good luck with it all - there's a reason they use sleep deprivation as a torture technique ;-).

Your HV is barbaric & talking utter bollocks. Of course you have other options. Cry It Out (leaving to cry regardless of what they do) is different to CC (leaving to cry but going in at regular intervals). But you could try Pick Up Put Down (Baby Whisperer), The Sleep Lady, NCSS...CIO is not your "only" option. But I totally understand your desperation - note time of post, I'm up feeding the clingy, I-will-not-go-in-that-crib-after-11pm-not-on-your-life-mother 7mo.

I would agree that screaming all night is not right and would see GP in first instance. Then when pain & "illness" has been ruled out look at sleep. Get a good bedtime routine in pace for a start; you can't go far wrong with bath, boob, bed. Then try to look at it from your LO's point of view. If you had always had the same way of going to sleep then someone, without warning & totally out of the blue changed that you'd have something to say about it right? Well so does your LO. Except the only way they can say "WT actual F Mummy?!" is crying.

If after all options have been exhausted you want to do CC route (I had to with DS1 eventually at 18mo, as it was starting to affect my mental health) I would go for a staggered interval approach. Put them down sleepy but awake. Go in after 1 minute, comfort until quiet but without picking up, then 2 minutes, then 3, 4, 5 minutes & continue going in every 5 mins until asleep. With DS1 only once did I ever get to 5 minutes. It takes about a week, but usually within 4-5 nights you see a difference. I have a friend who absolutely swears blind by this approach.

((((()))))

re: appt with the GP: if this is an ongoing problem, why not just take one of the appts a week or so in advance? It sounds as if you just want someone to take a look at the baby and see if there's anything wrong. Get an appt a week out, you can cancel if the problem magically corrects itself. Appt will be here before you know it.

And yes you should be able to get a same day appt, and you should try to do so (ringing the very moment the GP office opens is the only way to do it at my surgery) but get an appt booked in advance so you get seen one way or the other.

My HV also told me that CC is the only option when DD was around 6 months.

I hope you'll be able to get an appt soon. Can you try ringing about a minute or so before the surgery opens? This was the only way I can ever get an appointment, otherwise it's permanently engaged or you end up in a queue and all the appts get taken by the time you get through.

Please don't leave the poor thing to cry. I wouldn't leave anyone distressed like that - not my baby, not my 3 year old, not my DH! But regardless of my own personal views on leaving kids to cry, CC or CIO at 6 months is too young and can cause attachment disorders if done repeatedly. Your HV should be reported imo.

I really do sympathise, but please please try something else, something gentler. Sleep whenever you can. This will pass. And I agree go to gp, insist - get your dh to help, they should see you - take the baby to emnergency surgery if necessary, they won't turn you away.

I'll go against the flow. With DS2 I was clinically exhausted at the 6 mth mark (feeds every 2hr, 24/7). Both my GP and pediatrician clearly said my 6 month old did not need to be fed at night and was physically old enough to sleep through. Pediatrician recommended, amoungst other things, CC (1min.,2min.,3min.,5min.,7min.,...). We did a combo of things, including CC. No quick fix, but now at 1yr, he usually sleeps through 7:30 - 5:30h.

I did a form of CC with mine its probably got a technique name these days , I do think 6 months is too young to do cc
, what i did was sit in the room with Her and held her hand through the cot I didnt lift her then i moved on to just sitting with her then sitting further away ,
it went on for a few nights well about a fortnight but you should end up sitting near the bedroom door ,
I did let her cry and whimper but didnt lift her , It takes patience , I think leaving him till he is sick isnt working , however when they wont/dont sleep its exhausting and fustrating ,