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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want ds (2) to go on a helicoptor ride without me.

69 replies

fullofregrets · 02/03/2012 08:47

Our niece gets married in a couple of months and mil told me yesterday that she is having a helicopter ride from the church to the reception. Apparently the ride is about half an hour as they fly around a bit.
My Mil and fil are paying for it and want to go in it too. Mil also wants DS to go. I am not keen, am I being pfb? He won't quite be three. It isn't just that I'm irrationally worried about the safety (although the ridiculous part of my brain is worried!), it is more that I think DS is likely to get upset when he realises that neither DH or me are going with him. I have visions of him getting upset and crying for the entire time, which won't be nice for him or the newly-weds.

Mil got quite off with me when I said I wasn't sure but DS is quite a wary little person and I'm not sure I'd want him to go even if I was going too as I think he might be scared.

AIBU?

OP posts:
TheCrunchUnderfoot · 02/03/2012 10:38

No. Why? There's a high chance he'll be upset and everybody will have a miserable ruined ride, the plus side is he enjoys looking out of the window for, ooh, about half a minute. He won't appreciate it at all really. And half an hour is quite long actually!

I'd also refuse now on point of principle - your MIL's attitude should be one of totally handing over to YOU to decide whether this new experience is right for your DS right now, no comment either way. She's sulking? So thinks you're being silly to potentially refuse? So thinks she's better placed to know what's best for your son? I'd now put my foot down purely to get the point across that in future, being 'off' with you about your parenting choices is going to get her a raised eyebrow in return and absolutely nowhere!

LaFilleSurLePont · 02/03/2012 12:19

YADNBU.I wouldn't allow it.Not a chance.

elinorbellowed · 02/03/2012 12:41

YADNBU. Trust your instincts.
What an utterly ridiculous idea. Agree with the poster who said it was pointless. Even if he enjoys it, he wouldn't remember it - well not for the right reasons anyway.There is no way I would allow my 2 year old to take part in a terrifying, dangerous and totally unnecessary 'experience'. If he was 5 it would be different. As for learning independence and new experiences and risk, the most he should be experiencing right now is how to climb downstairs safely and which vegetables taste bearable.
It's scary because it's dangerous. Why take unnecessary risks when there are so many essential risks to be navigating, like roads?

Mrsjay · 02/03/2012 12:43

How many near 3 yr old get the chance to go on a helicopter , see how it goes on the day see if he wants to go in it he may want to go and not even give a hoot if you are there or not (sorry helicopter is more exciting than mum and dad ) let him go on it ,

Cherriesarelovely · 02/03/2012 12:44

I am in complete sympathy OP. There is no way I would be happy with this. I don't care if it is silly, all my instincts would be to say no.

TheCrunchUnderfoot · 02/03/2012 12:44

Also, your MIL wants him there for her benefit. So she can have him all to herself for the photo with bride and groom etc. He won't even remember it...

Grr at your MIL big time here.

ivykaty44 · 02/03/2012 12:50

The ride from the church to the reception was special as it was just the two of us and we had just got married to each other not the whole family...doubt I would have wanted my MIL there let along a small child...

LeQueen · 02/03/2012 12:53

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lesley33 · 02/03/2012 12:56

Exactly what I would do lequeen. But seems we are in a minority here.

eurochick · 02/03/2012 13:00

I'm surprised at the amount of talk about danger on here. It's a helicopter ride, not an uncaged shark dive with great whites!

BUT I reckon most 2 yr olds would get upset being taken in a big noisy strange flying thing without either parent and that will probably spoil the experience for all concerned.

GnomeDePlume · 02/03/2012 13:03

I really wouldnt do this with a child so young. Really, what is the point? Hugely noisy, child unfriendly situation. Strapped in for the whole of the flight. Would he be allowed to sit on MiL's knee? Doubt it.

What exactly is a child so young going to get out of it? Taking him along to see the helicopter set off then race off to see if you can then see it land. That would be quite enough excitement for a little boy I would have thought.

I have made a couple of helicopter flights and TBH... meh!

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 02/03/2012 13:05

Has anyone asked the bride and groom what they think?

LeQueen · 02/03/2012 13:06

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GrahamTribe · 02/03/2012 13:10

I agree entirely LeQueen. Isn't it more an assumption or projection of fear than the reality? Most little boys I know (and lots of little girls too) would love to go up in a helicopter. That aside, the child will be with his Grandmother. Presumably he knows and likes her? It's not as if he's boarding the flight alone!

LeQueen · 02/03/2012 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
fullofregrets · 02/03/2012 13:14

I do encourage DS to try things buthe tends to be a bit reticent until he gets used to something though and I'm not sure how much time he will have to get used to the helicopter! He tends also to not like a lot of noise, unless he is the one creating it of course.
Mil and fil are paying for helicopter so their attitude, as usual, is if they have paid then what they says goes. the crunch you are exactly right re my mil wanting DS there for her own benefit. I also though possibly bride and groom might want to go on their own. Don't actually no how many people helicopters hold! Also if he has to wear ear protector things there is no chance; he won't even keep a hat on!

I suppose I think he is likely to be upset as he is fairly clingy atm, although this does go in stages so he might be out of it in a few months time.

OP posts:
Original poster
fullofregrets · 02/03/2012 13:15

know not no. Dear dear me.

OP posts:
EirikurNoromaour · 02/03/2012 13:15

YANBU
At that age you can't predict how they will react and I'd he freaks out it will be horrible for everyone.
I think my DS might get into a helicopter ride if DH or I were there to reassure and big it up, but I have no idea how he would be with other people.

Thatisnotitatall · 02/03/2012 13:19

Helicopters are really, really loud up close - i think the OP has a point, and its unlikely he'll even remember it if he's not even 3 - I'm in the minority but I think OP is NBU - my kids are pretty independent but I would not be keen on this situation for such a little one, because there is no back out opportunity! How many of those who are saying OP should encourage the child to go have been in a helicopter? This one must be relatively large too, to fit bride, groom, both grandparents, pilot and small child.

LeQueen · 02/03/2012 13:19

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aldiwhore · 02/03/2012 13:20

I agree with lesley33

I'm not saying you should send him if he's screaming in fear by any means, but I wouldn't say no now.

If he freaks out when faced with it, don't force him on. If he looks excited but doubtful, reassure him... he will be safe with his GPs.

I understand your concern, especially if you're scared too. But as far as being safe in concerned, he's as safe as can be, with or without you.

If you're really scared, you won't be much good with him! If you're not but would rather be there, then pay for you to go along too.

I think the decision to let him fly needs to be made at the time, so the only discussion you need to have at the moment with your MIL is that you'll see on the day, and if they pay for him they must do so on the understanding that he may back out at the last minute.

Yes it is your decision, and you have the right to be unreasonable. For that YANBUly unreasonable. Smile

LeQueen · 02/03/2012 13:21

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 02/03/2012 13:22

YANBU and I wouldnt agree either.

He's only 2, its not like he is even gonna get anything out of the experience so why bother. It's not like he can look back in years to come and think what a great adventure it was!

lesley33 · 02/03/2012 13:23

There is lots of back out opportunity actually. The scariest bit is getting into the helicopter, because standing directly outside it is so noisy. So if he doesn't like the noise, he just doesn't go. I know adults have to wear the ear protectors so they know what the pilot is saying in case of an emergency - but don't know about kids, so would be worth checking. Its not so much about the noise as once you take off, from what I remember, it isn't that noisy.

I'm sure the bride and groom would rather be on their own. But since they won't whether a 3 year old is there alongside MIL and FIL won't I would have thought, make any difference to them.

LeQueen · 02/03/2012 13:25

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