Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To need a virtual hug, a [wine] and one of those biscuit thingies????

45 replies

IAmPoshInnit · 01/03/2012 17:54

I've had the shock of my life, recently, when my 'son' of 20 years showed up on my doorstep, begging to get to know me. Two decades ago, I had a one night stand with a bloke, who stood by me, and was even at hospital when the baby was born. But the baby wasn't mine! He was so red and small, and I'm 5'10 and very pale. I demanded a maternity test, and the bloke, probably panicked that he would be caught in a lie, left with the child.

I am now married but more tragedy ensued when DD, age 8, was born with one blue eye and one grey eye. Of course, we qualified for 8,000 quid a month benefits, and a mobility car, but all the snobby mums snub me at the school gate! What's worse, there's another child at the school with no visible disabilities (both his eyes are the same color!) who has 27 TA's! It costs the school so much money that they can't organize a uniform, and all the children have to wear loincloths. This might be a bit awkward for DD when she reaches secondary school. I asked on Mumsnet about private schools, but was told they are all hotbeds of racism, classicism, bullying and necrophilia.

With all this stress, I must admit I've been spending a lot of time down the pub, and having wee emotional affairs with some of the blokes I meet, (I mean, I have sex with them, but I get very emotional afterwards.) DH always takes me back, but lately he's been saying, "Love, you have to pull yourself together, for the sake of our marriage and DD. What can I do to help?"

So here's my question: AIBU to leave the bastard?

OP posts:
smartiesrule · 01/03/2012 17:58

Wow Here you are [hug] Biscuit Wine
Aounds like you need it.
Please tell me you had the materninty test done on Jeremy Kyle?

smartiesrule · 01/03/2012 17:59

Sounds even, not aounds! har har

smartiesrule · 01/03/2012 18:00

And I meant the Jeremy Kyle show of course...

TheSinglePringle · 01/03/2012 18:01

Leave the basterd! He obviously doesn't understand

NaughtyMrChicken · 01/03/2012 18:04
Grin

To answer your question...

Always, leave the bastard

IAmPoshInnit · 01/03/2012 18:15

Thank you, ladies, I'm touched!

I see I've gotten the wine emoticon wrong in my title, this just makes me want to drink more.

I HAVE tried the Jeremy Kyle show, but they told me I'm way too disturbed for them. I am currently suing them for discrimination. (I am 1/4 Scottish, and left-handed.)

Also, I think I will leave my husband, but not tonight. I have a date.

OP posts:
TheSinglePringle · 01/03/2012 18:19

I hope your husband doesn't try to stop this date, if does then you need to definitely leave him. Don't let him tell you who you can and can't date! Sounds too controlling for me..

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 01/03/2012 18:27

Well, I think you need to leave (with or without DH) cause you owe your 'son' 20 years of pocket money and birthday cakes.

Bastard child with his same coloured eyes, get you DD coloured contact lenses- black zombie ones or lizard eyes.

And forget necrophillia- you need a school that has "Alabamah Hot Pocketing" and "Munting" on the timetable.
And "Special Fried Rice" on the menu.

IAmPoshInnit · 01/03/2012 18:34

He IS controlling, Pringle. Fortunately, he's working his second job, as we've recently been reported for benefits fraud--like it's our fault our Shetland Ponies pooed on the neighbor's lawn!

Is anyone else having a week like this?

OP posts:
TheSinglePringle · 01/03/2012 18:38

You need to get out of that situation. Hate them controlling husbands that think just because your married you can't go on dates any more! What's all that about.

The child with the same colour eyes getting so much help is appauling! Hope your dd isn't letting her disability get to her.

70 I have googled special fried rice before. I needed brain blech but the image will not fade.

UtterlyButterly · 01/03/2012 18:43

YABU

There are children out there with one blue eye, one green eye and are left handed!!!!

Geez get a grip!

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 01/03/2012 18:45

Why have you not got a goat? Hmm What have you done with it?

IAmPoshInnit · 01/03/2012 18:46

I knew that eventually a troll would pop up on here!

I'm reporting you to MNHQ, UtterlyButterfly. Grin

OP posts:
PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 01/03/2012 18:48

"they are all hotbeds of racism, classicism, bullying and necrophilia"
I read this as "buddhism and necrophilia"
Blush

IAmPoshInnit · 01/03/2012 18:48

I have to step away for a moment, because DD is demanding her tea (just like last night!) but more on her in a moment, Pringle.

PomBear--I'm entitled to a goat????!!!????

OP posts:
PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 01/03/2012 18:49

Of course you are Iam possibly even a small herd of them given how you have suffered at the hands of The System all these years. It's your rights innit!

UtterlyButterly · 01/03/2012 18:53

MNHQ have to find my bridge first Grin

Goats?? Nobody told me about goats. Is there any point in me working anymore? FFS!

IAmPoshInnit · 01/03/2012 19:27

Crikey, will the trauma never end?

Was just burningmaking DD's tea, when, out of nowhere, she says, "Mum, couldn't I just have a wee salad tonight, or some veg soup?" I mean, what's wrong with leftover maccy-d's??? I was going to put it in the microwave.

Now I'm afraid she's got some sort of unspecified behavioral problem--it's the school's fault of course! Tell me, should I apply for more benefits?

Having a bit of a cry now, and my mascara's run all over. Just in time for my date with this bloke I really fancy, Derek. Or is it Callum?

OP posts:
PineappleBed · 01/03/2012 19:36

Just make sure Derek-Callum doesn't turn out to be your long lost Dh's father - it'd be like soooo complicated at Christmas with your MIL

...oh a hugs and kisses etc...

UtterlyButterly · 01/03/2012 20:50

Or.....DH long lost father is also the father of your long lost son!!! Shock Hmm

TheSinglePringle · 01/03/2012 21:04

Oh god you all deserve wine. Reading this thread and can't what you are all going through.

TheSinglePringle · 01/03/2012 21:04

Can't believe* sorry using phone and the tears are blocking my view. I feel for you all

IAmPoshInnit · 01/03/2012 21:13

I can't believe how kind you're all being! I want to give you all Thanks, though am afraid I will have to keep the Wine to myself.

My date tonight (name is Lorenzo) was a bust. I was telling him all about my problems with DH so he in turn told me about his mum, who was a lone parent who raised him and his brother alone onget this!no benefits. She had one of those job thingies. When I told him that just wasn't me (you try to feed Shetlands on minimum wage), he got all red in the face, and asked me how I could call myself a feminist! I barely had the heart for a quick shag with him in the pub's alley.

Now, AIBU for asking, what's a feminist? Is it one of those products what keep us birds feeling fresh?

OP posts:
UtterlyButterly · 01/03/2012 21:20

Yep that's right. You can get them from any good supermarket Grin

YANBU for not wanting to shag him, I mean NO benefits??? And WTF is a job?

TheSinglePringle · 01/03/2012 21:21

Think its femi-mist your thinking off. You spray your self between dates with it Grin

Can't believe he had cheek to expect you to have a job thingy when you have horses and a child with different coloured eyes as well as a husband who is controlling!

Swipe left for the next trending thread