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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to think someone might want this job?!

50 replies

freesia33 · 29/02/2012 20:01

Being as brief as I can, I would love some feedback on whether you think AIBU to think someone (perhaps a student?) would consider this a job, and whether you think the money is reasonable. Like most, we don't have lots of spare cash, so I have to try and offer something we can afford. I can't afford a qualified nanny for instance.
Basically, I hate staying overnight on my own. I have tried it many times and I just can't do it. My DH has to spend 1- 2 weeks in US quite regularly, and this leaves me on my own with two children under 5.
The daytimes are fine, provided I can get sleep on a night time, and part of that is having someone else in the house at night. My DH does not sleep well and I hate having to pace around a dark empty house on my own.
Anyway - I would love to be able to 'employ' someone to stay overnight when DH is away. It is not regular as such, but on average once every four/six weeks. So I was thinking mybe a female student from the local Uni etc... might be happy to do this to earn some cash, as they would probably like the flexibility too. Minimal or no childcare would be involved - they could arrive, say 8pm and leave in the morning before school run. They literally would be coming to sleep overnight. There is an ensuite guest bedroom at the other side of the house for their use, completely private. (Makes it sound grand - actually just a funny house layout).
Do you think it would appeal? Would something like 30 pounds (150 for the week) sound okay? What do you think?

OP posts:

londonmackem · 29/02/2012 20:04

I would do it for that - to get a break from my own family!

EauDeLaPoisson · 29/02/2012 20:04

Why are you unable to cope alone at night? Why not get a guard dog?

OldGreyWiffleTest · 29/02/2012 20:05

I would have thought that a student would jump at that. Hope you get it sorted.

scurryfunge · 29/02/2012 20:05

What is it you can't cope with? If it is anxiety then perhaps you need to see a GP.

LilacWaltz · 29/02/2012 20:06

Yes! My dd would do it! Definitely.

Guess you would need to get to know this person a bit though...

FariesDoExist · 29/02/2012 20:07

You need a bodyguard?!

I don't think many people would go for it, even students are not that desperate!

gordyslovesheep · 29/02/2012 20:07

seriously I would spend the money on decent therapy to get to the bottom of the real issues and deal with them - paying someone to sleep in your house is not a solution that has longevity

marriedinwhite · 29/02/2012 20:07

I don't know where you live to have any knowledge about local market rents. How about seeing if you could rent to the room to a university lodger, or local medical student or trainee nurse and get them to pay you, on the understanding that there will be two weeks every six when you would like them around from 8pm until 7am. You could offer a reduced rent and everyone could be benfiting.

nameuschangeus · 29/02/2012 20:08

This sounds more than a reasonable rate for the job. And far less hassle than a dog (which I'd avoid if I was you - our dog is tetchy and fretful when dh is away and managed to make me jump at my own shadow )
A uni student might be the way to go - or maybe a single friend or two could be asked - that way it would be enjoyable company for you too.

TheSecondComing · 29/02/2012 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhBuggerandArse · 29/02/2012 20:11

I think most people would feel very reluctant to enter into a situation like that, because the disparity between the situation and your solution is pretty extreme. If it were me I'd wonder what on earth else might be involved, and be pretty concerned about what you might expect from the person you employed.

Original poster

freesia33 · 29/02/2012 20:12

Yes, it is anxiety and I know it is unreasonable (to a point), but it doesn't affect me day to day - just on a night if I am alone. I think the fact my children are young does not help. I worry too that should something happen to me, they are too young to alert someone, and I also hated it for example, when my DS suddenly developed a bad episode of croup, couldn't breathe well and woke the baby, who screamed all the while I was trying to get him to 'calm down'. I guess I feel I can cope with days, but not nights and not for a week. I am fairly new to the area, and only have a couple of friends so far - family miles away.

OP posts:

Purplehonesty · 29/02/2012 20:12

Sounds good to me. If you got someone who was good with kids too that'd be nice so they could help you out.
Money sounds fine especially for a student or au pair type.
I'd do it!! If I wasn't married/pregnant/always accompanied by toddler!

squeakytoy · 29/02/2012 20:12

Why not just get a female lodger, and MAKE money instead of spending it!!!

OldGreyWiffleTest · 29/02/2012 20:12

Where did OP say she needed a bodyguard fairies ?

keepingupwiththejoneses · 29/02/2012 20:13

Would you consider getting an au pair. solve your problem and get a little child care and help around the house for it.

MrsCog · 29/02/2012 20:16

I'd have done that as a student - definitely! I would have wanted to meet up for coffee a couple of times first etc. though, but as long as that had gone well I wouldn't have hesitated.

southeastastra · 29/02/2012 20:17

i'd be more scared spending a night with a stranger in my house than alone

RaisingEmbers · 29/02/2012 20:18

I'm a care assistant, and I get paid to sleep over at a lady's house, she isn't frail, she doesn't need anything during the night, all I have to do is make her a cup of tea in the morning. I get paid £50 a night to do it, I love it, it gives me a break from my own kids actually! It is simply that she doesnt like being in a big house by herself, and would rather pay someone to stay. Double bed, tv, lovely!
So I think a student type would love to take you up on it.

Original poster

freesia33 · 29/02/2012 20:18

Thanks for the suggestions on au pairs. Perhaps that is the answer, but around here they seem as expensive as nannies, and I don't really need help during the day. I think I would have liked job like this when I was a student - especally as my digs were crap!
No...I don't need a body guard.
Is it so wrong to want help rather than therapy?! It's not like I want a mother's help so I can go running off to the gym and have coffees.
My DH would not be here whenever they are here.

OP posts:

Original poster

freesia33 · 29/02/2012 20:20

RaisingEmbers - you are exactly what I need!!! (esp the tea!)
Yes, I take the point about wanting to meet up a few times first.

OP posts:

TotemPole · 29/02/2012 20:20

I think a student would do it.

Would you be expecting them to help on the evening with bedtime routine?

debka · 29/02/2012 20:22

OP YANBU at all, I think it's a great idea. I'd do it if it weren't for DH and DDs

RaisingEmbers that sounds amazing :)

DaisySteiner · 29/02/2012 20:22

Was just going to say what SEA said. I don't see how having someone asleep at the other end of the house is going to be any reassurance tbh. How do you know they would wake if something did happen to you?

The other thing is, you're saying that you just want someone to sleep there and not do much childcare, but then later say that you struggled when one child was ill and the other woke. $30 is fine for just sleeping over, but not so good if you end up being up half the night. And what would you expect them to do in that situation anyway?

I mean this kindly OP, I really do, but don't you think your money would be better spent on some day time help while your dh is away so you get a bit of a break and also on getting help for this anxiety which is affecting your life so much?

Original poster

freesia33 · 29/02/2012 20:23

No, I am not so concerned about having help with bedtimes etc... (although I would knowingly refuse it!) and I suppose that is why I was thinking that a student might be better/ more reasonable cash-wise. I would also look to take up references from a teacher/ family members, as they would be coming into my home.

OP posts:

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